pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

"I can't take Scientology seriously. It's the belief that humans were brought to earth by aliens on a spaceship carried by two massive lizards, which landed in a volcano and dispersed humans throughout the world. Then the aliens take off, and the lizards go and hide under the sea in massive caves.
Add two Italian plumbers to that and you've got the 1st five levels of Super Mario"

abbott

i know a man who can ,.

GC8

Says it all really...

TelBoy

To be honest i've never really cared what Scientologists believed, but i've just come across this website;

Scientology --- What exactly do Scientologists believe? Here is the answer. <p>

Is this a joke or some sort of parody? Please don't tell me that this is really what people like Tom Cruise believe??

hodgy0_2

well even more worryingly, about 40% of Americans think that the earth was created in 7 days and is about 6 thousand years old – and we had dinosaurs as pets

and they call Muslim extremist – you couldn’t make it up

mykp

tbh i have a problem understanding any religion!

GC8

The man was a second-rate science fiction writer: you werent expecting the meaning of life, surely?

TelBoy

No, just the meaning of Scientology!! Is that link an accurate representation of their beliefs do you know, Si?

GC8

Im not an expert, but it does look to be pretty much what I expected. It beggars belief, doesnt it?

TelBoy

I never cease to be amazed what humans are capable of believing, but this one is pretty much up there with the best. Astounding!

cossie-nutter

iTrader: (45)

Yep it's all bollox IMHO

EddScott

YouTube - How Crazy is Kirstie Alley????

Not sure if this is what I'm thinking of but there was some video where they got celeb scientologists in a room to ask questions and I seem to remember Kirsty Alley going the most bonkers when the interviewer tried to get her to admit that she believes humans are from another planet.

bigvern

iTrader: (1)

Mate, you should read some of the stories in the Bible...

dpb

Def worth investing in - plenty more mugs out there to help line your pockets also.

You could be Jehovahs witness on the side ,also

Jamie

As for Xemu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xemu is still alive today Must be true

miff13

"How Scientology is in No Way Mental" is my favorite episode of Star Stories, probably not safe for work;

YouTube - Being Tom Cruise : How Scientology is in No Way Mental [1/3]

YouTube - Being Tom Cruise : How Scientology is in No Way Mental [2/3]

YouTube - Being Tom Cruise : How Scientology is in No Way Mental [3/3]

Brilliant.

dazdavies

iTrader: (22)

Be very careful,
xEMU is watching you!!!

stilover

Some people think the "Big Bang" theory is a load of Bollox too.

I mean, they say there was nothing. But then out of no where, gasses appeared from nothing (the size of a pin head) that exploded to create the entire solar system.

I have nothing and I times nothing by 10. What have I got? Nothing.

We'll never ever know how life on earth started. We'll never know how space was created and where it stops (if it does) and what is beyond space.

Bunch of blokes sat around thinking of stories of how it may of happened.

Same as some bloke told a bunch of people about this bloke. We'll call him Jesus. He was born to a Virgin and could walk on water and heal people. He fed 5000 people with a couple loafs of bread and changed water into wine.

The guy could have been p1ssed at the time. People believed it, and we have half the planet today still believing it today.

Untill you have facts, it's all bollox.

Leslie

Lets have some examples then.

Les

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

I like to believe that just like the end of Men In Black; the universe is actually contained in a marble that's tossed around for some uber-alien's pleasure.


Although, who created the Aliens

Iain Young

Plagues of frogs, turning people into pillars of salt, burning bushes, parting the red sea, the whole garden of eden thing.

As a confirmed aetheist, I can say that I can't see any difference between scientology, christianity, muslims, buddists, thuggees etc. They all sound equally unlikely

stilover

It would be nice to think that in a Gallaxy far far away there really was a Star Wars going on.

Personally I think there will be. There are Billions of Gallaxies containing Billions of Stars the are surrounded by Billions of Planets.

It could be happening within our very own Gallaxy. But with current technology, we'd never know.

EddScott

The idea that the Universe is an ever expanding explosion and at one point it will stop and be pulled back together which in turn will create another "big bang" and it starts all over again.

TelBoy

Except we do?

TopBanana

Weird:
A lesson for those who dare mock male pattern baldness

Found in: 2 Kings 2:23-24
One of the more inspirational passages in the Bible tells the story of Elijah, a wise man, yet one cursed with male pattern baldness. One day he was minding his own business, making the long walk to Bethel, when he is attacked by a roving band of children who tease him with names like “bald head.” But Elijah was having none of this, he turns round and curses them in the name of the Lord, and instantly two female bears emerge from a nearby wood and maul all 42 children to death.
The moral of this story? Don’t make fun of bald people. Frankly, why this story isn’t included along with the Ten Commandments is anybody’s guess, but I think it would serve as an excellent lesson for children who think baldness is something to be made fun of.
Eglon’s ignoble death

Found in: Judges 3:21-25
Ehud is the Bible’s sneakiest assassin (and also the only left-handed person mentioned in the Holy Book). He is on a mission to deliver a “message from God” to smarmy King Eglon. Ehud waltzes in to meet the gluttonous king, pulls out a sword and stabs Eglon in the stomach. At first he can’t get it in, but he pushes harder and eventually reaches his intestine. Eglon is so overweight, we learn, that his fat actually covers the hilt of the sword, pushing it further into his stomach until it’s not even visible. It’s at this point that Eglon loses control of his bowels and begins to defecate mercilessly all over his chamber. The King’s attendants eventually come back, but do not enter Eglon’s bed chamber, assuming he is relieving himself. After waiting “to the point of embarrassment”, his attendants burst in to find their king dead on the floor, covered in his own faecal matter. Meanwhile, Ehud had escaped to the town of Seriah.
The moral of this story? Who cares, but it’s damn cool.
Onan – cautious, yet foolish

Found in: Genesis 38:8-10
A story so eponymous, it gave way to its own neologism – onanism, an archaic term for masturbation. Basically, God kills Er. Why? We don’t really find out. However, in a stroke of good luck, Er’s father, Judah, has given you the right, nay the duty, to have sex with your dead brother’s wife. Onan is a bit apprehensive at first, but agrees to go through with this bizarre scheme to create a ‘true heir’ to Er. He begins to have sex with the girl, but at the last minute decides to pull out and spill “his seed upon the ground.” God is so irked he decides to kill Onan too, and thus nobody gets an heir. This story is the basis for the Christian condemnation of masturbation and birth control.
The moral of this story? In the words of Monty Python, “Every sperm is sacred…”
A very disturbing tale

Found in: Judges 19:22-30
Within the Bible, one occasionally finds stories so horrible, one can wonder what their purpose is. Not only is this story utterly bizarre, but it is also absolutely disgusting.
A man and his concubine are wandering the streets when they decide to seek shelter for the night, and find a man kind enough to let them stay. That night however, a group of men turn up at the door and demand to see the guest so that they may have sex with him. The owner is unwilling to let his male lodger be raped and so offers up his virgin daughter instead. However, this is still not good enough for the men, so the owner offers them his guest’s concubine and the men accept. The men brutally rape the woman and leave her on the doorstep where she bleeds to death. If that is not enough, when she is found by her husband, he chops her up into twelve pieces which he sends to each of the twelve tribes of Israel.
The moral of this story? I would hope none.
A novel way to show your love

Found in: 1 Kings 18:25-27
Before Byron, before Casanova, there was David. Young and in love, David desperately wants to marry Saul’s daughter Michal and offers Saul anything he wants to let him marry her. What could Saul possibly want? Money? A vow of love? No. Saul wants foreskins. 100 to be exact. Why? Who cares. If you want my daughter, you’re going to have to find 100 foreskins by tomorrow. David finds this odd, but then again this girl is hot, so he goes out and kills 200 men, and collects their foreskins. It’s only then he remembers that he only needs 100 foreskins. Oops. Oh well, maybe if he hands over twice as many foreskins, Saul will be doubly as impressed. Indeed he is and duly hands over his daughter to David.
The moral of this story? Never be ashamed to do crazy things for love.
Like slicing salami

Found in: Exodus 4:24-26
Continuing the Bible’s fascination with all things foreskin, we get the bizarre story of God trying to kill Moses because his son isn’t circumcised. God is about to obliterate Moses when his wife Zipporah takes out a flint and quickly cuts the foreskin of his son (ouch), throwing the bloody skin fragment at Moses’ feet. “You are a bloody husband to me!” squeals Zipporah, flint in one hand, child in other. God, clearly freaked out by this woman, backs off and Moses is saved.
The moral of this story? Never turn down a woman for being a psycho. Someday she may save your life.
Jesus and the fig tree

Found in: Matthew 21:19; Mark 11:13-14
So, Jesus is walking from Bethany and he’s feeling a bit peckish. He encounters a fig tree, but unfortunately it is barren as it’s the off season for figs. Annoyed, Jesus demands the fig tree bear him fruit, however the fig tree doesn’t respond (it’s a tree), so Jesus, in an act of uncharacteristic rashness, curses the fig tree to death. This story is bizarre for many reasons, but mainly for how little it means to the Jesus story and how Jesus seems to react so harshly. OK, so he’s hungry, and we all get a little cranky when hungry, but come on, the fig tree had done nothing wrong. This just seems like abuse of powers to me.
The moral of this story? I honestly can’t think of one. This story seems so unimportant and purposeless yet both Mark and Matthew mention it so it must have some importance. The best I can think of is: don’t disobey Jesus, even if you’re an inanimate tree.
Even God is proud of his backside

Found in: Exodus 33:23
It’s a big day for Moses. He’s finally going to meet God face to face and is giddy with anticipation. Soon the time comes and Moses positions himself on a rock ready to see the divine creator himself. But God backs out at the last minute claiming that no man can see his face and live. However, he has a solution. He will let Moses have a peek at his backside, “And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.” Moses must be heartbroken. He was hoping to see God’s face not his bottom! Imagine explaining that to the wife: “Oh honey, did you see God’s face?” “Umm not quite…I got a great look at his *** though!” Moses most likely slept alone that night.
The moral of this story? God works in mysterious (and slightly gay) ways.
Balaam and his talking donkey

Found in: Numbers 22:28-30
Balaam is just minding his own business, spanking his *** (donkey) when suddenly he hears a voice. It’s his donkey who is asking him why he is spanking him. Balaam doesn’t seem the least bit miffed that his donkey has starting talking in the same language as him and says, “Because thou hast mocked me.” The donkey then gets philosophical and explains the nature of their relationship and how his feelings have been hurt. Eventually they make peace. Oh yeah did I mention it was TALKING DONKEY?
The moral of this story? Don’t beat animals. If they could talk then they would probably tell you how upset they were.
Jacob and the case of the magical genetics

Found in: Genesis 30:37-39
And the most bizarre tale in the Bible goes too…this head-scratcher from Genesis, with its utterly bemusing explanation of the genetic code. Basically, Laban is taking all of Jacob’s beloved striped and spotted cattle. Jacob is left with boring old, plain-coloured cattle, which he doesn’t seem to like at all. So Jacob concocts a cunning plan: he gets some sticks and begins painting stripes on them. He then plants them next to his cattle. What Jacob thinks is that if he gets his cattle to look at the striped sticks while copulating, then they will give birth to striped young. Now, we’d all expect this idiotic plan to fail and Jacob to learn a lesson about something or other, but no it actually works. The cattle give birth to striped young, and Jacob is happy. What on earth is going on here? Anyone with the most basic understanding of genetics knows that this is bunk. The odd thing is that this story seems to have no purpose and moral – it’s just there. And I can’t help wondering how many scientists with painted sticks had attempted to repeat this process before Mendel came along and said, “I’m pretty sure that’s not how it’s supposed to happen fellas, why don’t we try this instead?”
The moral of this story? Your guess is as good as mine.


Evil:
1. God drowns the whole earth.
In Genesis 7:21-23, God drowns the entire population of the earth: men, women, children, fetuses, and perhaps unicorns. Only a single family survives. In Matthew 24:37-42, gentle Jesus approves of this genocide and plans to repeat it when he returns.
2. God kills half a million people.
In 2 Chronicles 13:15-18, God helps the men of Judah kill 500,000 of their fellow Israelites.
3. God slaughters all Egyptian firstborn.
In Exodus 12:29, God the baby-killer slaughters all Egyptian firstborn children and cattle because their king was stubborn.
4. God kills 14,000 people for complaining that God keeps killing them.
In Numbers 16:41-49, the Israelites complain that God is killing too many of them. So, God sends a plague that kills 14,000 more of them.
5. Genocide after genocide after genocide.
In Joshua 6:20-21, God helps the Israelites destroy Jericho, killing “men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys.” In Deuteronomy 2:32-35, God has the Israelites kill everyone in Heshbon, including children. In Deuteronomy 3:3-7, God has the Israelites do the same to the people of Bashan. In Numbers 31:7-18, the Israelites kill all the Midianites except for the virgins, whom they take as spoils of war. In 1 Samuel 15:1-9, God tells the Israelites to kill all the Amalekites - men, women, children, infants, and their cattle - for something the Amalekites’ ancestors had done 400 years earlier.
6. God kills 50,000 people for curiosity.
In 1 Samuel 6:19, God kills 50,000 men for peeking into the ark of the covenant. (Newer cosmetic translations count only 70 deaths, but their text notes admit that the best and earliest manuscripts put the number at 50,070.)
7. 3,000 Israelites killed for inventing a god.
In Exodus 32, Moses has climbed Mount Sinai to get the Ten Commandments. The Israelites are bored, so they invent a golden calf god. Moses comes back and God commands him: “Each man strap a sword to his side. Go back and forth through the camp from one end to the other, each killing his brother and friend and neighbor.” About 3,000 people died.
8. The Amorites destroyed by sword and by God’s rocks.
In Joshua 10:10-11, God helps the Israelites slaughter the Amorites by sword, then finishes them off with rocks from the sky.
9. God burns two cities to death.
In Genesis 19:24, God kills everyone in Sodom and Gomorrah with fire from the sky. Then God kills Lot’s wife for looking back at her burning home.
10. God has 42 children mauled by bears.
In 2 Kings 2:23-24, some kids tease the prophet Elisha, and God sends bears to dismember them. (Newer cosmetic translations say the bears “maul” the children, but the original Hebrew, baqa, means “to tear apart.”)
11. A tribe slaughtered and their virgins raped for not showing up at roll call.
In Judges 21:1-23, a tribe of Israelites misses roll call, so the other Israelites kill them all except for the virgins, which they take for themselves. Still not happy, they hide in vineyards and pounce on dancing women from Shiloh to take them for themselves.
12. 3,000 crushed to death.
In Judges 16:27-30, God gives Samson strength to bring down a building to crush 3,000 members of a rival tribe.
13. A concubine raped and dismembered.
In Judges 19:22-29, a mob demands to rape a godly master’s guest. The master offers his daughter and a concubine to them instead. They take the concubine and gang-rape her all night. The master finds her on his doorstep in the morning, cuts her into 12 pieces, and ships the pieces around the country.
14. Child sacrifice.
In Judges 11:30-39, Jephthah burns his daughter alive as a sacrificial offering for God’s favor in killing the Ammonites.
15. God helps Samson kill 30 men because he lost a bet.
In Judges 14:11-19, Samson loses a bet for 30 sets of clothes. The spirit of God comes upon him and he kills 30 men to steal their clothes and pay off the debt.
16. God demands you kill your wife and children for worshiping other gods.
In Deuteronomy 13:6-10, God commands that you must kill your wife, children, brother, and friend if they worship other gods.
17. God incinerates 51 men to make a point.
In 2 Kings 1:9-10, Elijah gets God to burn 51 men with fire from heaven to prove he is God.
18. God kills a man for not impregnating his brother’s wife.
In Genesis 38:9-10, God kills a man for refusing to impregnate his brother’s wife.
19. God threatens forced cannibalism.
In Leviticus 26:27-29 and Jeremiah 19:9, God threatens to punish the Israelites by making them eat their own children.
20. The coming slaughter.
According to Revelation 9:7-19, God’s got more evil coming. God will make horse-like locusts with human heads and scorpion tails, who torture people for 5 months. Then some angels will kill a third of the earth’s population. If he came today, that would be 2 billion people.

stilover

Except we don't. It's a theory.

They say all life on earth was created by bacteria. But how did the bacteria start? bacteria is a life form. So how did that life form start?

Some people say mankind evolved from monkeys. Other say from fish. Which is it? They don't know, and will never know.

stilover

Known my luck, it'll be the day I win the Lottery.

+Doc+

They know Adam and Eve didn't create it so that throws the bible out of the window.

Scientology....just lol.

TopBanana

The beauty of science is that everything is a theory, and nothing is beyond criticism / debate. The best theory at any time is accepted as the best truth.

classic Subaru Si

All so very true mate, and just take a look at all the blood these ******* religions have drawn! They should abolish the lot of them - Surley in this day and age people can see through these p1ss taking stories? I really just don't get it at all, and feel a little embarrassed for people that do to be honest!