The Zohan

Why is it marketing folk think that by thinking up as new word or expression that it justifies their existence. Is it some sort of game taught to them whilst at uni? sort of see how many w@nk/ghey expressions you can get away with at your company before somone spots it.

I have heard a load of guff marketing expressions over the year but these really ticked me.

sudenly everthing is 'robust'
Robust approach
Robust thinking
Robust (add expression here)

and now the pi$$ de la resistence and my favourite to date "Swim Lanes"

Now what does this mean to anybody except a marketeer and why oh why swim lines, is this the result of blue sky thinking, outside the box per chance?

Marketeers - it is all smoke and mirrors, using silly expressions and phrases does not do anything except make the user look like a knobber!

Marketeers are the new special needs group as far as i am concerned - until proved otherwise



Is that a robust enough post on the subject?

Now i have run this up the flagpole will any S'netters salute it i wonder?

Norman D. Landing

Actually they're Swim Lanes. I guess you were too high in the helicopter for your view to be clear and robust

The Zohan

Thank you for the correction, i will parachute in and amend my post.

do you know what it means BTW?

jaytc2003

iTrader: (1)

think you need to go back in and finish amending. You dont have a very robust approach to editing

sti-04!!

I heard a cracker today from one of the juniors, he was speaking to a customer & told them "that i need to program a bit of strategy in order to move forward" Priceless.

I'll have to keep on eye on him.

rob878

Not just marketeers, for mindless meaningless baws the forces have some brilliant ones. .

Just a quick brief to clarify the situation:

I think we need to hit the ground running, keep our eye on the ball, and make sure that we are all singing off the same song sheet. At the end of the day, it is not a level playing field and the goal posts may move; if they do, someone else may have to pick it up and run with it. We therefore must have a golf bag of options hot-to-trot from the word 'go'. It is your train set but we cannot afford to leave it on the back burner; we've got a lot of irons in the fire right now.
We need to unstick a few potential poo traps but it all depends on the flash to bang time and fudge factor allowed. Things may end up slipping to the left, if they do, we need to run a tight ship. I don't want to reinvent the wheel but we must get right into the weeds on this one. If push comes to shove, we may have to up stumps and then we'll be in a whole new ball game.
I suggest we test the water with a few warmers in the bank. If we can produce the goods then we are cooking with gas. If not, then we are in a world of hurt. I don't want to die in a ditch over it but we could easily end up in a flat spin if people start getting twitchy. To that end, I want to get round the bazaars and make sure the movers and the shakers are on-side from day one. If you hit me with your shopping list I can take it to the head honchos and start the ball rolling.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and I think we have backed a winner here. If it gets blown out of the water, however, I will be throwing a track. So get your feet into my in-tray and give me chapter and verse as to how you see things panning out. As long as our ducks are in a row I think the ball will stay in play and we can come up smelling of roses.
Before you bomb burst and throw smoke, it is imperative we nail our colours very firmly to the mast and look at the big picture. We've got to march to the beat of the drum. We are on a sticky wicket, so we'll need to play with a straight bat and watch out for fast *****.
I've been on permanent send for long enough and I've had my ten pence worth. I don't want to rock the boat or teach anyone to suck eggs. We must keep this firmly in our sight picture or it will fall between the cracks. If the cap fits, wear it, but it may seem like pushing fog up a hill with a sharp stick.
Hope this clarifies the situation for you!!

Scoobychick

iTrader: (1)

My ex boss was always making up spreadsheets which he'd then call a matrix because he'd just watched the films and thought it made him seem cool. ****

Varboy

It's not marketeers, it's corporate America.

All my colleagues are in the US and our meetings are full of expressions such as wiggle room, getting your ducks in a row, spinning our wheels and putting issues in the parking lot.

At the end of the day, you kind of get used to it and accept that the expressions give a visual image to what is being said.

A lot of people on here use such expressions as LOL, ROFL, BRB, HTH etc and no one worries about that.

firesorter

i frakin hate "drill down into the figures"

NotoriousREV

Do your swim lanes have islands of benefit? If not, you're likely to run out of breath before you've crossed the finish line!

thesyn

Always liked " c*cks on the block with this one " implying significant risk to all those involved in a particular project. Or " going t*ts out with this one " indicating that a particular project is likely to draw a lot of attention from those around. Also JFDI, a variant on the Nike slogan.

DCI Gene Hunt

Wait for it... from a leading company dedicated to boardroom bingo I bring you...

Murder Boards - AKA War room review sessions
Hothouse sessions
Speed dating
Hand shake eventing

It's all meetings and reviewing sessions really.... seriously!! My company must be GGGGGREAT!!

Varboy

You must deal with a load of bearded sandle wearing engineering types as all my customers understand it

_Meridian_

iTrader: (1)

Except of course it never is - it's always the real workers who get shafted when it all goes wrong. The muppets who ****ed up just get a new project to ruin.


M

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

You should all "leverage" these developments...

mart360

"Robust" is a standard automotive term used for process capabilty & process issues. So nothing new there.

Drilling down to the figures, lots of automotive OEM applications have sets of monthly data accessed from a word hyperlink, so rather than send out huge reports, they send out a small web based report, which by hitting the relevant link will take you to the next level of data. Anyone who has worked for "Ford" will have come accross this via the supplier B2B portals.


Mart

RichardS2005

You haven't lived until a weasel faced Aussie business process consultant has asked you to "double-click on that" ...

Its probably obvious to everyone but for those not down with consultant speak it means to explore or focus on something..... as in 'I don't feel that we have a robust contingency strategy - lets double-click on that!'

Drove me nuts in a 3 hour training and development session....

Scoobychick

iTrader: (1)

This thread makes me glad that I work for myself

Corporate bollocks is banned here

Martin2005

Oi Paul

As well as being a 'left homo' I'm also in marketing!!

But your thread has certainly got some 'traction'

ScoobyDoo555

Swim Lanes': Play on words this is derived from 'Swan Limes' - a very rare fruit. They have white feathers and a green skin, hence the name. Used in marketing terms to refer to great ideas, one in a million.
As in ' Brilliant real Swan Limes'
And checking on my research details it came from a top coloured American Marketing man who by re arranging the letters in his name discovered the connection ...he was...Masa Lewis.

And thankyou, please

Dan

The Zohan

ROTFLMFAO!

the final piece of the puzzle falls into place - LOL!

Martin2005

What does ROTFLMFAO mean, is that some marketing speak I'm not yet aware of

warrenm2

why am I not surprised?

daddyscoob

bibs and braces
lets run it up the flag pole and see which way the wind blows
I'm working in the background
status quo
spratt to catch a mackrel

Tam the bam

****... glad I don't work somewhere I'd have to listen to mongs coming out with pish like that, I'd probably lose it and burst the ******!

vindaloo

LOL, yur a girl, I should f!ing well hope so!

BTW: We don't fire people or have people leave, we "empathetically disengage"

J.

Lee247

Same here, what a load of old bollox. I bet these folks all have shiny butt suits

RichardS2005

Where I used to work you didn't get made redundant, you got made 'financially flexible'.....

MJW

Every time I hear people spout these terrible corporate cliches I cant help thinking of Gus from Drop the Dead Donkey