finalzero

Righto, got bit a situation and wanted some views on it.

A mate of mine has regular Poker evenings at his place where we play semi-serious game of Poker (he has got the proper table etc so his bar room looks the part).

It's a lads get together where a handful of us meet up, catch up on the week, moan about everything being **** and have a good game of Poker or mess around on the PS3/360.

Tonight was good, 8 of us in total so we had a good game however we usually have drinks and recreational .. erm stuff going on, usually half don't drink/smoke etc because we all drive fairly high powered cars and/or can't risk being ***** on the road.

However there is always an exception.. One of the chaps happens to be a best buddy of mine, we pretty much grew up together and I was best man at his wedding so we have the usual more like brothers relationship. Problem is he is being a right **** the past few weeks.

Tonight as well he started having a few drinks, I didn't say anything but I noticed he had had a few bottles of the good stuff and when the shots came out joined in. I voiced my opinion and said anyone driving will get a kick in from me if they drink but its hard to be serious with my matey boy as I know him too well.

I tried having a go and a few of the other lads made comments he shouldn't drive, I come back from the loo and the nutter has driven off home.. in bloody M5 no less and I know he hoofs the damn car!

Now the situation to me is serious, when the other lads left there was just myself, the host Simon and my other mate Mario and we all agreed it was a bit ***** up to let anyone drive in drunk/stoned or whatever (one of Simons mate was quite drunk and drove off home in his Evo 9 the **** head!) so I popped the questions:

"If this **** goes on should we call the cops on one/all who do it?"

I left my car at my mates house and took the cab home, hopefully I'll sober up in a little while and get my car later or in the morning but I have been feeling guilty all evening now and I don't know what I should have done.

Trying to talk to my mate is useless as he just doesn't take anything seriously I say and when I do we just argue like idiots for ages and go off in a huff.

So part of me is thinking I should have called the cops, just to teach him a lesson and stop him killing himself and someone else but the other part of me is thinking **** it I have tried to stop him and it ain't working.

What would you do and what should I do?

Spoon

I never get this 'we are good mates thing' if you can't tell him straight he's a **** and he doesn't listen.

Calling the cops is the option when you've told him you'll do it if he drives while drunk/stoned.

Turbohot

I would have called the cops if he was off his trolley, and not listening; ready to kill, or to be killed on the road What a risk he imposed upon others and his idiot self , and the anxiety among his mates.

finalzero

Aye your right, never been in this situation as he wasn't driving always, usually myself or someone else picked him up but he got a new job a while ago with a flash car.

Well I phoned up his missus and told her what happened, she was fuming but said he was home in one piece so I told her the whole situtation and if he does it again we are gonna call the cops on him.

I am not a hitler about things like this, end of the day you do what you need to do but I can't tolerate drunk drivers for a second even if it's my mate. I think I was kidding myself with my mate as I never expected it but if he is going to be an risk then I need to either talk him down or call the cops on him but I know talking is useless as I have a bad temper and I can see our chat turning into a school ground fight.

What worries me is if he has done this sort of thing before because I got the impression he has.

What can police do about this? If I tell them my mate drove his car while drunk and we believed he was unfit to drive but is at home now.. do they have any powers or only if they catch him in the act (when we grass the idiot up)?

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Think I would have also called the police in the circumstances, not that I wouldn't feel bad doing so, if all else failed.

In future, this may seem like a stupid idea, but when having these lads nights, could someone in the home not be responsible for keeping all the keys of those who have driven there, and if anyone has a good drink/smoke, just don't allow them to have the keys back until they are in a fit position to drive. May cause issues at first, but once this becomes the way things are done, either they won't put themselves in a position for it not to be safe to drive or if they do, they need to find another way of getting home.

fast bloke

Just go round and torch his house while he is sleeping - At least that should save an innocent bystander or two

BOB.T

Tamper with the cards and win his car off him!

apples24

iTrader: (1)

come on fellas were talking about shopping good mates here theres morals and codes however wrong it is however it needs to be addressed asap


you as a group need to get together and talk to them about it voice opinions, its stupid not worth the risk blah blah and work out a easier way home for them


its totally worng and i am dead against it in every way but good mates deserve a tactfull less painfull solution, a stranger, well... shop the coont instantly

Odds on

You'd be a bit daft to call the cops to tell them you've all broken the law..

But, if you hang about with people who do this, you agree to it IMO.

It's a big call, but you know what's right.. Don't invite them again.

fast bloke

So when some pissed up **** kills your wife and kids, you will be happy enough to say, "His mates knew he was a pissed up **** but they didn't stop him, and that is fair enough, cos they were his mates"


Really?

swampster

iTrader: (1)

Nail well and truely hit on it's head...

Basically if people are going to drink/take drugs and drive.. then don't invite them the next time.. tell them they're not welcome until they decide to stop being ******* idiots.

So you fall out with your 'mate'/mates... what's worse, having a tiff... or burying your mate.. and reading unsavoury headlines about him because of the 4 other people in the car coming the other way he killed?

Or to a lesser extent, seeing him during visiting hours at your friendly HMP!

Diesel

I'd have dealt with it myself - the morning after if need be. Calling the cops jumps a gap in society and interpersonal relations and I doubt many that say they would squeal actually would have.

Its totally wrong, clearly, but lets rein the high horses in in this kind of scenario as there are better ways of dealing with it within a group of friends. (Actually got cops to call a guy once the morning after as a 'word in his shell' approach, rather than blues & twos on the night).

I'm sure there will be those that disagree in a 'what if he smacked into your missus' type way, but this is real life, and if he was THAT bad, then you deck him or slash his tyres!

D

Glowplug

iTrader: (8)

Next time he does it call the cops, job, license, house the lot all down the pan If he's gonna d+d he deserves all thats coming to him What if he kills YOUR Mrs/kid/mother/father on his way home.

Odds on

Exactly! You play a part in allowing that behaviour.. Just tell them their not going to do it.

It's not hard is it?

Diesel

I can imagine it being VERY hard, but it is still a much more decent and honest option that calling the cops FFS

D

Glowplug

iTrader: (8)

Is he online?? Email him the link to this thread

JimmyBFC

I can't say Id ever phone the old bill on a mate, even though yeah, drink driving is serious....hell...that could be my daughter whos gettign run over by the mad ****er.....id have some choice words though, it is wrong, but I couldn't grass a mate up, I know what im saying is WRONG....I just couldn't do it.

Turbohot

I understand. But sometimes, being Hitler is totally justified, if that's what it's called.

We lost two mates (20 and 19 they were) like this in 1998. Everyone knew that the driver mate was a total ***, driving like a lunatic all the time, even when he wasn't under any influence. Every time we pass by that spot on A494 (in our village itself), it reminds us about that fatal accident that took two young lives full of hope and happiness because of someone's stupidity. It was a speeding matter, not a drunk driving one. But I so wish if some Hitler were around in their company to stop that guy from driving at all that night. We still would have had those friends around us, and their families wouldn't have been distraught for the rest of their lives. <sighs>

Police are supposed to take your information seriously, and keep an eye on him. I have been told so by an NWP officer himself. It might be a precautionary measure taken by the traffic police just in N. Wales. I don't know how your regional police force operates on matters like this .

However, I would suggest that let the matter cool down, talk to the bloke again, and tell him to his face that he will be in serious **** if he doesn't change his ways It may get through his dense head. Act next time, if he is persistant with his idiotic and criminal behaviour.

Snazy

Fair question to ask. But at the end of the day the answer is call the plod. If of course the voice of reason has been ignored.
To even think "i'll stop him next time" might be too late.
Would you still wanna call him your mate when he ploughs into a family car?

Drunk drivers are one of the lowest forms of people I know. Would not think twice tbh.

At the end of the day, if something does happen, and you could have stopped it.................. you know what I mean?

Im not sure I agree with some of the responses above about shopping mates. Although I respect the comments of course, I personally would not want to call drink drivers, mates, friends or even regular associates.

fast bloke

So you wouldn't mind if I was mildly pissed and took out your missus? You would only upset if I couldn't stand up before killing her?

Odds on

Indeed, calling the cops is not going to do anyone any favours.

We should always help mates out. If that stops them getting nicked, or something worse, then do it directly with them.

Snazy

And what if they ignore you, walk out the door and drive off? Knowing you tried and failed will protect everyone on the selfish ***** way home ?

fast bloke

Decent and honest is someone on the way home from working a 12 hour shift in the chippy. Someone getting pissed playing poker and driving home is neither decent nor honest, so why should they expect you to reciprocate?

fast bloke

Yeah - Smash them in the face repeatedly with an iron bar...... cross your fingers that he doesn't call the cops on you

Odds on

I'd not be mates with someone like that though.

Snazy

Having had a number of run ins with drink drivers, personally I have NO time for them. They dont deserve licences.
Missed by one while walking, just, missed by another 2 driving, just..... And had another few nicked. All fair game.

Drink with the intention of driving after, you deserve to lose your licence. And if all the people who know you do it, protect you, defend you and fail to deal with it, they are just as bad.

A next morning misjudgement is just about excusable, situ depending. Intentional............ na, no time for that.

Once they fail to listen to the voice of a friend, they have just eliminated the friend part of the dilemma.

Snazy

Voila, same here
But if someone you were mates with did this, thats the question here.
Im all for painless resolution of issues. Plenty of time to talk and help friends. But disrespect the friendship by carrying out such an act...... Thats where the buck stops.

Odds on

If you need to be violent with your mates to get them to be sensible, find a new lot to hang about with!

Odds on

I see what you mean, there's always the odd chance of someone turning up that's an idiot.

TBH, they'd be there with MY group of friends, so I'd say something.

I don't get in that sort of situation though anymore.

Please don't think I'm condoning any stupid behaviour, I'm just saying how I'd deal with it if I'm unfortunate enough to end up in that situation. (Which I wont )

Glowplug

iTrader: (8)

OK a slightly different spin on it. If the guy was a nonce messing around with children hopefully nobody would think twice about grassing him up to plod, 'mate' or not. Well the end result is the same, peoples lives wrecked by some tw@t who thinks they have the god given right to disregard the law not to mention social etiquet (excuse spelling). No matter what 'you' say to him the chances are he will carry on doing it until he dies or kills or is caught, end of