SwissTony's Friday Humour
18 January 2008, 12:41 PM
#1
SwissTony's Friday Humour
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist
said: "Meow."
There are more coming
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist
said: "Meow."
There are more coming
I like that 
Trending Topics
18 January 2008, 03:29 PM
#10
Job Interview
An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill
a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who
were equally qualified.
He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table
the interviewer asked:
"What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A
THOUGHT.
It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the
way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he
asked the second man.
"Hmm....let me see. A blink!
It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK
is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye ... that's a
very popular cliche for speed."
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the
wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out
across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an
instant. TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought
he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he
said.
Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same
question.
It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man.
"You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the
bathroom.
But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had
already **** my pants!"
HE GOT THE JOB..................
An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill
a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who
were equally qualified.
He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table
the interviewer asked:
"What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A
THOUGHT.
It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the
way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he
asked the second man.
"Hmm....let me see. A blink!
It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK
is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye ... that's a
very popular cliche for speed."
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the
wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out
across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an
instant. TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought
he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he
said.
Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same
question.
It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man.
"You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the
bathroom.
But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had
already **** my pants!"
HE GOT THE JOB..................
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