newscooby2

Well, ****, where do I start with this????

Never thought I would ever hear myself say this but last night I discovered that my dad is having an affair!

I’m sorry this is a rather long story but at the moment I do not know who I can talk to about this so thought I would get it off my chest on here and see what others have to say. I have registered a new user as I do not want anyone to read my known user.

He and my mum have been married for about 30 odd years now. About a month ago he had a 2 week holiday visiting his sister (she lives in the USA and has done for many years). He went on his own because his sister and my mum had a falling out many years ago and have never really got on since. She is known to be a right cow at times (his sister that is ) even her daughters don’t get on with her that well.

Two weeks later he returned and seemed to have nice time etc etc. Anyway shortly after this his sister sent him an e-mail saying how she would like him to come back over to do some jobs for her (he done a few odd jobs for her while he was there, even though she has a bloke living with her!) because people charge so much over there is would be cheaper for her to fly my dad over to do the work. When my dad tells my mum this, she isn’t best pleased. My mum had actually been talking to a friend a few days before the above e-mail turned up and said she bets his sister tries to get him to go back, as she knows what a bitch she can be, and looks like she was right!

Anyway, ever since then my folks don’t seemed to have been getting on too great and I started thinking something must be up.

I also started to notice when my dad was on his PC and someone walked in to the room he would minimize the window he has open and I also found he was now using yahoo mail, not Outlook. This for me was a bit odd because my old man hardly knows how to turn a PC on let alone setup new e-mail accounts etc (I set him up Outlook and spent ages going over and over how to use it). I knew his sister also uses yahoo mail so started to wonder why he would be using this and would bet my bottom dollar that she had something to do with it?

To get to the point, I ended up putting a key logger on his PC (I know I shouldn’t have done this but wanted to know what was going on) and in turn found out his yahoo mail password.

Upon logging into it I had a rather big shock, several dozen e-mails from some woman over in the US who knows my dad’s sister. Many of the e-mails go into how much they miss each other, how they want to be together, what a great time they had and all this other kind of crap. I couldn’t believe what I was reading!!!

It also turns out that my dad was trying to think of an excuse to be able to go back over there, so he got my auntie (his sister obviously) to send the e-mail about going back to do work etc. What a ****! I would lay money on his bitch of a sister had something to do with throwing them together as she has always been trying to cause trouble between my dad and mum for years.

Something I haven’t mentioned either is that for the past 2 years my mum has been planning a holiday with her sister and some good friends. The original plan was that while she was going there my dad would go visit his sister but then he couldn’t get flights so that’s why he ended up going earlier.

Now from reading these bloody e-mails it looks like he is going to wait until she gets back from her 2 week hol, then say his going to go visit his sister again, regardless what my mum thinks, knowing she will not be best pleased, probably go up the wall then that will be his excuse to pack his bags and leave!

I still can’t believe this is happening and I’m not too sure what to do, my dad says in his e-mails to other woman that his not saying anything yet because he doesn’t want to spoil my mums hol, well until she bloody gets home, he doesn’t know that I know about this.

I have a brother and as yet haven’t mentioned anything to him, decided not to tell my girl friend yet because I don’t want her acting a different way around my dad then things kick off that way. So far the only other people who I believe who know are my dad’s sister, I think my dad has told his good friend who lives a few doors down and my Nan (dads mum) also knows as from reading these e-mails other woman has sent photo’s to her etc.

So, where the **** do I go from here, who do I tell? I’m definitely not saying anything to my mum until she at least returns from her hol as she will be devastated as it is but feel she has the right to know. As far as I can tell she knows nothing.

Do I go have it out with my nan or his good "friend". I can understand it from his point of view I guess as he probably hasn't said owt as to not want to get involved with it all. Or do I just wait until mum's away on hol then confront my dad about it?

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Sorry for such the long post.

Brun

I personally would confront him and go from there. Depending on his response, i might just give him the choice of him fessing up or you do it for him. Put yourself in ya Ma's shoes - you would want to know.
I would certainly act soon because if the **** hits the fan and your mother somehow finds out that you were in the know - you will possibly be regarded as public enemy number 1

Bubba po

Why are you talking about having it out with your Nan, or your Dad's "good friend"? Surely, the person you need to be having it out with is your Dad. The problem is that your nosiness has led you to invade your Father's privacy - probably illegally, at that. So you've got very little chance of having a reasonable discussion with him, now. The hardest thing for you to do is to say absolutely NOTHING to anyone, ever, about this subject and let events take their course.

Brun

Could you sit back and watch if you were in his position? I know i couldn't

Bubba po

No, I couldn't. But what options has he left himself? If he confronts his Dad with the information that he has got by infiltrating his private communications, then he makes a bitter enemy of him. If he tells his Mum, what then? Like it or not, his parents are private adults that don't need his interference. The bravest, most selfless thing for him to do is to keep shtum.

newscooby2

His privacy!! ha he should have fecking well thought about that before he started with this other bird. I mean, by the looks of it his looking at upping sticks dumping his family and p!ssing off with someone 5000 miles away who he has only known of for about a month!

In the mean time his acting if everything is "A OK".

I don't think I could sit back and let him take the **** like that, it's just not right.

unclebuck

Yep, I would say butt out.


It's none of your business really.... People do things like this all time, the world over.

Lee247

It's not right, but it's not your business. Keep out and keep quiet.

Bubba po

You're obviously extremely angry and who wouldn't be? But it's none of your business.

wrx-kris

Go slap the little ****, I would

newscooby2

I can understand what some of you are saying, but isn't it going to be my business when I/possibly my bro are left to clean up the pieces?

newscooby2

Which little ****?

wrx-kris

your dad

Lee247

No. You delved and found something you did not want to see. You either admit to being a sneak or let things take their course and ignore it. Which ever way it goes, best to butt out and end up looking the good guy. Leave it.

Bubba po

If you'd just happened upon the information, then you could have tackled your Dad and forced him to either end the affair or come clean with your Mum.

Unfortunately, the way you've behaved means that whatever you do you are in the wrong. The ends don't justify the means and whether the person whose private mail you have read is your Dad, your child (over the age of 18), a distant relative or someone you don't know from Adam, then you have committed a crime.

Spoon

Crazy advice considering you ARE involved. You looked because you suspected something wasn't right. You didn't stumble upon it.

On that basis confront your Dad and ask him what's going on! If he's not man enough to tell you then it's a poor show. He might be shocked into ending it and therefore saving everybody a lot of heartache, hassle and money.

Take a deep breath and face him when your Mother is nowhere in sight.

Good luck.

pslewis

I would Butt Out .......... leave it be.

Bubba po

If he bluffs without letting on what his sources are, he might get away with it.

Lee247

He sneaked, at the end of the day. And found something he did not like. End of. None of his business. It's life and happens all the time. Not nice, but nowt he can do about it without looking bad. Best to keep quiet and let things run their course

Scooby Soon!

does your mum use the computer?

if so leave it logged in to your dads email account with the email open just before she goes to use it, hopefully you wont get the blame and your dad will think he left it open!

Spoon

No problem if he comes straight out with it. His Dad will be stunned and no mention of emails are required. The sheer fact something has been detected prior to the emails is enough.

Be sure his Mother knows more than you think too. Could you honestly see her living with this keeping it in?

Blast it wide open now before it goes too far.

Trout

iTrader: (1)

Rule 1 - Intimate relationships typically involve two people.

Rule 2 - There is cause and effect.

You are being a third person, which does not work AND you have already decided to take sides which is to ignore Rule 2.

Irrespective that you have broken to law, you have two parents and you need to stand up and do the toughest thing that they have ever asked of you as a son (?) and that is keep out of their (intimate) affairs and support and love both of them as your parents.

Anything else is as much a betrayal as you are already accusing your father of.

Spoon

Christ, SS. The Mother needs protecting from stumbling across this ****.

Man to man, the only way. Make your old man proud he's brought you up to confront him.

newscooby2

As far as my sources go, if I needed/wanted to I could just say he accidently sent me one of the e-mails as he wouldn't have a clue if he did or not.

I also understand that there can be a root cause for these things happening (parents always at each others throats etc etc) but at the same time if his not happy and wants to move on, then in time (when I have calmed down etc) I could probably understand that. But carrying on with both at the same time is not on and I am not sure I could stand by and watch that happen.

Another thing I could do while my mum is away is to, in general sort of conversation, ask how things are going between them as we all know things haven't been 100%, and maybe that might nudge him into talking about all this??

I really dont know, looks like I will have to keep quiet for a few weeks at least and see what happens on my mums return

newscooby2

No, mum use to use the same computer but now has her own.

Spoon

You need to understand what your sacks are for and now. Dithering about and sort of this, sort of that won't cut it. If you can't do the direct, "so what's happening then Dad"? Leave alone.

Sonic'

I wouldnt say anything, you dont know all the details, dont take this the wrong way, but how do you know your mum hasnt been doing anything that has caused your dad to act as he has done ?

To confront your dad as others have said would destroy any trust, and again as others have said you have invaded his privacy and also broke the law, and you only have a part of the story

Not saying any of it is right, and its not a situation I would like to be in, but you should at the most probably as you say ask him whilst your mum is away, how things are between them as you have noticed odd things etc

stara

i think i would also set up an anonomous e-mail account and e-mail your dad anonomously to his secret e-mail account stating that people this side of the atlantic are aware of his affair before you actually force his hand by confronting him, monitor his account to see if he backs off, if he doesn't, then confront him, after all, if you are as close a family as mine is, then you would want to protect your mum, sometimes ignorance is bliss........

My dad had an affair when i was 12yrs old but my mum caught him red handed and forgave him, then 10yrs later, he tried it on with his sis-in-law (my aunt) at a family wedding, was caught red handed by my lump of a brother who floored him, still mum doesn't know, and she is blissfully unaware and happy, will we ever tell her, of course not, do we trust my dad, of course not...................tricky situation, use your instincts.

newscooby2

I am not aware of my mum doing anything, I mean she had to give up work about a year ago because of an injury she got at work (back probs) and is currently in the middle of sorting that, so she hardly ever goes out anywhere. She does pretty much everything for my dad apart from wipe his **** and if there were loads of arguments then I think me or my bro would know about them (we in our early 20's so still living at home at the min, well, while we still got one!!).

So I can't see how she has done anything too serious really.

It just gets to me that he is planning on waiting for my mum to explode about him going over there for a few weeks to “do some jobs" knowing that that will then give him an excuse to go for good and he is not planning on telling her that he has met someone else.

He is already looking into citizen ship etc so he can stay as long as possible/then for good, so me and my bro prob never see him again either, that’s if we would want to. It's not just my mum he will be leaving and it would seem he isn't worried about not seeing his sons any more either.

I am going to see if I can mention something just in general conversation, asking if they are ok etc, that way I’m not killing the trust between us and just looks like I have noticed things aren’t quite right between them (which is true). Puts the ball in his court then as I’m then giving him the chance to fess up.

Then wait for the sh!te to hit the fan on my mum’s return.

Oh happy days!

p.s. thanks for all your comments, it has helped, a bit.

Jaybird-UK

Utterly outrageous and probably illegal.