AD202

So here's the score. Been with the girlfriend for 3 years next week, love her to bits and until recently I thought she did too.

Cut a long story short, I went out on Friday night with the group of mates and she stayed in with my sister in law to be and a couple of others so she could talk about the sis in laws wedding due in one month.

There was no friction becuase I was going out but I did say it was only for a couple ended up being 2am finish. I forgot to text her so she was a bit annoyed but we sorted it out. Anyway, on the saturday I am out with my bro and asked him how she was last night, he said she was fine. She got very drunk and chatted a lot, fell asleep a couple of times and was texting her mate a lot. Now in the past she has lied when I have asked who she is texting because it was a bloke and although it was innocent (he was going thru a cancer scare), she still lied and that has always stuck in my head.

On sat night when she is sleeping away I come to bed and bring her hand bag with me, I put it down on the floor and I see her phone in it. Now, I know that I shouldnt have, but I picked it up and checked the messages because I had convinced myself by that time that she had been texting someone she shouldnt have.

Turns out she was flirting big time with a guy from work. She is leaving shortly so was asking him if she was going to get a leaving present from him, how she fancies the pants off him, not flirting for a giggle depiste what he thinks and finishes off with how she is going to have v.sweet dreams about him.

I only got to see the sent messages becuase she had deleted the in box so I dont know what he was saying in return but I get the message. She has never done anythign to make be believe that she has cheated before and I know she was fairly sozzled when texting him but I just dont know what to do now.

We had a big discussion on the sunday when both of us got quite upset and basically said how we couldnt live with each other and how much we love each other. She really seems genuine and I really dont know how I could go on with out her in my life but the thought of her with some one else really gets to me.

I havent said anything yet as we are getting along really well at the mo and I am not sure I want to spoil the happiness.

Do I confront her with the text messages but at the same time admitting I looked in her phone? Do I say nothing and monitor the text messages to see if anything else comes of it? Contact the bloke involved and ask him what has been going on? I really dont know.

I know the obvious thing would be to confront her but as I said it totally blows the trust I was meant to have in her by reading them in the first place. I know if I do say something that it could excalate into us breaking up or at the miniumum having a very hard time trusting each other for a long while. It could have been that she was so pissed she was just over flirting and could never go thru with anything in person. She has been cheated on before and swears that she would never cheat on me.



I would welcome your thoughts guys.

SiPie

Dump her

Have a bit of pride in yourself

Move on

Good luck

The Zohan

If a wind up
Take off and nuke her from space, it is the only way to be sure

If not
Knowing what you know will just eat you up, i would confront her about it, she may throw her toys out over you loking at her phone however, the evidnce is there and that is what really matters.

I would want to get it sorted and know i can trust her (if it was me) and currently i would not trust her as far as i can throw her.

lightning101

Dump her, find out where he lives and make sure it never happens again

Jamo

iTrader: (23)

phew! tough one, let me think it over and ile post later. cant see the point in a rush decision though.

dmc1980

get rid, women are manipulative and she is only sorry because she got caught!

Stephb1986

i dont think you should say anything but keep a eye on the messages but be careful that you dont get caught and because she is leaving work next week if the messages carry on i would say something.

good luck!

stara

if you really love her, then you'd be a fool to just dump her, it depends what is most important in your life, your pride or your girl. I would say to confront her about the message, not in an angry way, wait until the mood is right, and ask why she needs to seek someone else when she has you, and see what she has to say.

RichWalk

find out if the guy at w*rk has a bigger c*ck, if so either dump her or buy a bigger car

harry007

Very simple mate. She cannot love you and flirt at the same time. Why? Even if you live together forever etc. It will always be in your mind, who's she talking to/texting etc. And what you two call love, i'm sorry it doesnt exist! She flirting and texting another guy for god sake! A guy that you dont know.

I'd confront her, if shes offended thats her problem. Really if she loves you, she shouldnt be bothered (because she aint got nothing to hide). However I predict she will bring the whole trust issue up etc, because she didnt want you to see the txts. There's more than 10 billion people in the world. Plenty of nice girls out there, go get em!

mrtheedge2u2

Bad situation to be in mate. Take it from someone who has been there, if you think she is cheating, you will probably discover she is!

Once the trust is gone, it will very rarely be the same between you two.

If you think you can get the trust back then go for it, but don't make an **** of yourself.

wrx-kris

tell her you looked at her phone.....
"well if you hadnt of lied to me before, i wouldnt of looked!" (tables have turned )

STi wanna Subaru

iTrader: (1)

I await Marcus' reply on this one

shawn r

iTrader: (3)

you have to confront her or as said before it will just eat away at you, when you bottle it up it will only be worse when it comes out.
and it will.

Freak

Why the need to lie about who she is texting?
Sounds like a 15 year old

Coffin Dodger

Confront her with it, use it to your advantage to get whatever you want from her e.g. gain your brown wings Then once you're bored of all that dump the bitch. She's not to be trusted by the sound of things and it will always be on your mind that she's up to something behind your back no matter what she may say.

jjones

i would keep it quiet and play her at her own game. star flirting with (preferably a munter) that she knows. then when she confronts you about dodgy text messages tell her whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

stilover

Dump the b1tch !!

I'd confront her first. See what she had to say for herself.

As for the comments above regarding kicking the **** out of the lad? He may not know you are together. She could have told him anything.
Remember that most blokes can't say no to a bit of Nooky.

Confronting him could back fire.
A) He could be harder than you
B) She could dumb you for beating him up.
C) You go to jail

ChefDude

why not resurrect the witching trials:
tie her up and submerge her for half an hour.
- If she dies, then she was truly a loyal and loving girlfriend. shame.
- If she lives, she is definitely evil and cheaty.


There's obviously no trust on your part as you checked up on her.
She's actually flirting with someone else (which in my book is infidelity).

don't mention the stealthy phone check and dump her.



you could always fwd one of her sent texts to your phone 'by accident' and then you have something to challenge her about.

StickyMicky

what i would do

confront her, i am crap as i always bottle stuff up, and then it makes things worse as i blow my top and all hell breaks loose and it goes fromn what should have been a confrontation to a full blown war LOL

once the doubt is there its VERY hard to get rid of it IMO and its pointless living the relationship in doubt.......

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

Firstly, sorry to hear about your predicament; must be very upsetting for you.

I think you need to face some hard truths here:

You say you're concerned about violating her trust by telling her you're aware of the texts, but the point is that the very fact that you felt compelled to look at her phone out of suspicion indicates that the trust isn't there! Ask yourself why? At the risk of stating the obvious, if you need to keep tabs on your other half's messages, something is wrong. Question is, is the relationship at fault, her, or you.

Regarding the texts, they are innappropriate in my view; doesn't take a degree in Psychology to realise that texts of that nature, if concealed, and susequently discovered, will raise serious questions and potentially do a lot of harm. However, it should be pointed out that just because someone is flirting, doesn't mean they're cheating! The question is: are they flirting for harrmless fun and have just been insensitive in not being straight with you, or are they up to something?

My opinion is that you're not going to be able to tolerate the uncertainity of the status quo, so you should confront her. However, the first thing you should do is apologise for reading her texts. You should then go on to say that for whatever reason, you've been having trouble trusting her and her texts might go some way to explaining the behaviour you have correctly or incorrectly identified as suspicious.

You need to point out that if the relationship is going anywhere you both need to work out what is causing the trust issue; you need to stop invading her privacy and she needs to stop sending covert flirting messages to other men!

Good luck.

Ns04

DAVE-W

Gotta go with the majority on this one.....if you say nothing it WILL eat you up and never get any better.

I've been there and done that and caught her out for the cheating little slapper that she was.....this was the girl I'd been with for 7 years and was due to marry in 6 months time

Confront her, if she's got any thoughts about this other fella, dump her. Then, in a couple of weeks when she realises what she's done and begs you to have her back, tell her to f**k off because you will NEVER be able to trust her again. Bonus points will be awarded if at this point if you **** her first THEN throw a penny at her and tell her to f**k off!!!

All my opinion of course

Dave

miss*scoobygav555*

Just see how it goes first, could be something innocent!! I'm flirty but thats just me and I have a boyfriend, he know's what i'm like but I'd never in a million years ever cheat on him and he knows that!

DAVE-W

As one of the lads in work says about women......don't trust any of them......snakes with ****

Dave

LG John

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place here. She’ll probably go nuts if she finds out you checked her texts but by the same token her outgoing texts are unacceptable. That said, talking the talk and walking the walk are two totally different things so it could be the case that despite what she might say she’d totally bottle cheating on you. Nevertheless, it’s not nice knowing she’s saying this stuff to another bloke.

Probably best to get it out in the open, take the flack and try and get a read on how she/you are both feeling about the relationship then act accordingly. Prior to doing this screw her on film to add to your ‘ex girlfriend’ archive if it all goes pete tong.

sti-04!!

Woohoo

Dr Sti to the rescue

Dump the cow, it will eat away at you. I know for a fact my missus reads my texts because she doesnt trust me but little does she know .... Anyway its not about me. ACDC you cant trust her again, she is a lying scheming biatch.
Ps PM me her number i will help ease her pain

Regards

Dr Sti

Fuzz

The ball is in your court at the moment, You know things she doesn't so I think you should take this on board and keep a very watchful eye on what's going on.
No point rocking the boat if all it turns out to be is a few dirty text messages for someone she wont be seeing shortly anyway.
Keep it calm and under your hat.
Sly questions about where she's been and stuff is on the cards for anything out of the norm and find out yourself if those stories are true before going off half cocked !!
One way or the other, in time you'll get to know the truth.
If you front her with it now you'll have an argument for sure but then if she is up to something she'll be a dam sight more discrete about it, which is v-bad for you trying to get to the bottom of things.

Andy

miss*scoobygav555*

don't listen to these lot, could be something innocent and you could be making a deal out of nothing!! Ask her, if she gets arsey and nasty thats a sign that she's hiding something!!

Markus

Cheeky sod

To the OP. You're worried about it, that's for sure. I'd say that you were drunk and when you went to bed that night you accidentially picked up her phone and looked at the text messages, and you are worried about what you saw, mention that she had not told you about the previous text thing, which was innocent, as this could be and you'd just like a straight answer as to wether this really is just a bit of a laugh, or if something more is happening or if she wants something more to happen.

Obviously she'll not be at all happy that you looked at her phone and that you're basically accusing her of cheating on you, so expect tears and her being in a huff for a period of time. However, you will have at least asked her something which is gnawing away at you.

If you say nothing you'll be thinking about it all the time and it will effect things. If you say something, well, it could be for the better, or the worse.