Funny Text I just got
27 November 2006, 11:42 AM
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Funny Text I just got
A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence. After an hour in bed with her he said, just how far across the ******* field were you before you realized it was caught?
27 November 2006, 11:43 AM
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Originally Posted by RMA26
A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence. After an hour in bed with her he said, just how far across the ******* field were you before you realized it was caught?
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27 November 2006, 04:07 PM
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3 irishmen sat in a cafe wanking, waitress goes over and says what the **** do you think you're doing?? a irishman points to a sign that says FIRST COME FIRST SERVED!
27 November 2006, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Stephb1986
3 irishmen sat in a cafe wanking, waitress goes over and says what the **** do you think you're doing?? a irishman points to a sign that says FIRST COME FIRST SERVED!
Better than the first one
27 November 2006, 04:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Stephb1986
3 irishmen sat in a cafe wanking, waitress goes over and says what the **** do you think you're doing?? a irishman points to a sign that says FIRST COME FIRST SERVED!
27 November 2006, 04:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Stephb1986
3 irishmen sat in a cafe wanking, waitress goes over and says what the **** do you think you're doing?? a irishman points to a sign that says FIRST COME FIRST SERVED!
Superb
27 November 2006, 05:09 PM
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I got one of a non-sexual (boo!) nature the other day that made me laugh. Slightly controversial, but I think we'll be ok:
Two muslim extremists walk into a pub.
.
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.
.
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Boom, Boom!
Ns04
Two muslim extremists walk into a pub.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boom, Boom!
Ns04
27 November 2006, 08:58 PM
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A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence. After an hour in bed with her he said, just how far across the ******* field were you before you realized it was caught?
is an old one
still funny though
is an old one
still funny though
27 November 2006, 10:36 PM
#20
boy playin with his train,his mam hears him say "All you bas**ards gettin off, f**k off. All you bas**rds gettin on, Fu**in hurry up" his mam sends him to bed and tells him to stay there for two hours and learn to be nice to passengers.
When he plays again in two hours time,mum hears him say " Those disembarkin have a nice day and mind the step, those boarding enjoy your journey, and those upset at the two hour delay, blame the fat tw*t in the kitchen"
When he plays again in two hours time,mum hears him say " Those disembarkin have a nice day and mind the step, those boarding enjoy your journey, and those upset at the two hour delay, blame the fat tw*t in the kitchen"
28 November 2006, 12:20 AM
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two little boys in a hospital waiting room one boy say's to the other what are you here for?? circumsion (sp) he replied oh i wouldnt want that again i had it just after i was born and i couldnt walk for 12 months! 
28 November 2006, 12:51 AM
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Cop on horse says to little girl on bike "did Santa bring you that bike ? "
"He sure did" said the little girl
"Well tell him next year to put a reflector and some lights on it" and promtly fined her £5
The little girl looked up at the cop and said "Nice horse you got there,did santa bring that you ? "
He sure did chuckled the cop
Well said the little girl next year tell him the dick goes underneath the horse not on top
"He sure did" said the little girl
"Well tell him next year to put a reflector and some lights on it" and promtly fined her £5
The little girl looked up at the cop and said "Nice horse you got there,did santa bring that you ? "
He sure did chuckled the cop
Well said the little girl next year tell him the dick goes underneath the horse not on top
28 November 2006, 01:03 AM
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Originally Posted by hoskib
prolly an old one but one i got today -
i've found a parrot in the garden, but all it says is f**k off you ugly c**t. is it yours?
i've found a parrot in the garden, but all it says is f**k off you ugly c**t. is it yours?
28 November 2006, 09:54 AM
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A man with a black eye boards a plane and notices the man sat next to him also has a shiner first man enquires “how did you get that?”
2nd man says “instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for 2 tickets to tittsburg !!!”
1st man says I got mine like that too, I wanted to say to my wife “pour me a bowl of frosties please”
But I accidentally said “you ruined my life you fat evil c*nt”
2nd man says “instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for 2 tickets to tittsburg !!!”
1st man says I got mine like that too, I wanted to say to my wife “pour me a bowl of frosties please”
But I accidentally said “you ruined my life you fat evil c*nt”
28 November 2006, 10:06 AM
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Originally Posted by tmo
A man with a black eye boards a plane and notices the man sat next to him also has a shiner first man enquires “how did you get that?”
2nd man says “instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for 2 tickets to tittsburg !!!”
1st man says I got mine like that too, I wanted to say to my wife “pour me a bowl of frosties please”
But I accidentally said “you ruined my life you fat evil c*nt”
2nd man says “instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for 2 tickets to tittsburg !!!”
1st man says I got mine like that too, I wanted to say to my wife “pour me a bowl of frosties please”
But I accidentally said “you ruined my life you fat evil c*nt”
CLASS
28 November 2006, 11:39 AM
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A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Asda in Glasgow with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Asda, Nice children you've got there -- are they twins?"
The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:
"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest, he's 9 and the Younger one, she's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you think they look alike, ya dickead?"
"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would sh*g you twice!"
The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Asda, Nice children you've got there -- are they twins?"
The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:
"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest, he's 9 and the Younger one, she's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you think they look alike, ya dickead?"
"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would sh*g you twice!"
28 November 2006, 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted by tmo
A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Asda in Glasgow with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Asda, Nice children you've got there -- are they twins?"
The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:
"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest, he's 9 and the Younger one, she's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you think they look alike, ya dickead?"
"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would sh*g you twice!"
The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Asda, Nice children you've got there -- are they twins?"
The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:
"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest, he's 9 and the Younger one, she's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you think they look alike, ya dickead?"
"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would sh*g you twice!"
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