DrEvil

NOTIFICATION OF COMPULSORY ENLISTMENT


Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act (1978), you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict. You may shortly be ordered to depart for the Middle East where you will join either the 3rd Battalion The Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts or the 2nd Foot and Mouth.

Due to the recent rundown of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us any of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were returned after the Falklands adventure, it will be necessary for you to make your own way to the combat zone.

H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one way trips with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this offer (RyanAir also do a nice little £9.99 trip).

Because of cutbacks in Government expenditure in recent years it will be necessary for you to provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible:
* Combat Jacket
* Trousers(preferably khaki - but please no denim)
* Tin helmet
* Boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers)
* Gas mask
* Map of the combat zone (the Ordinance Survey 1:2800 Outdoor Leisure Map of Afghanistan will do)
* Rifle
* Ammunition (preferably to suit previous item)
* Suntan oil

If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a tank. (Vickers Defence of Banbury are currently offering all new conscripts a 0% finance deal on all X registration Chieftains, but hurry, as offer is only available whilst stocks last).

We would like to reassure you that in the unlikely event of anything going wrong, you will receive a free burial in the graveyard of your choice, and your next of kin will be entitled to the new War Widows pension of £1.75 per calendar month, index-linked but subject to means testing, and fully repayable should our side eventually lose.

There may be little time for formal military training before your departure and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and pick up a few tips as you watch:
* The Guns of Navarone
* Kelly's Heroes
* A Bridge to Far
* The Longest Day
* Apocalypse Now
* The Matrix
* Blazing Saddles
* The Desert Song
* Mary Poppins

We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum.

To mentally prepare yourself for your mission try reading the works of Wilfred Owen or Rupert Brookes. This should give you some idea of what may be involved.

Yours faithfully,

G Hoon, Ministry of Defence.

A Bush - Blair Production

Sponsored by Mars, The Official snack of World War III

BobaFett

Nice...

Nimbus

Can we not get a good deal on a MY01 Challenger instead of the Chieftains? After all the Chieftains are a few years old now

Also, can I recomend the excellent film "Carry on up the Kyber" to get to know the enemy.

"Any time is tiffin time!"

KimA

Buy your own tank - Mercedes will do well then

Mike Tuckwood

LOL, Unfortunately we GAVE AWAY! all of the MY01 Challengers (Challenger 1).

Chally 2 is FAR better and surprise surprise in a reverse Grey Import type Scenario, the Chally 2 available abroad (Export version) is Better specc'ed than the UK version!

Mike.

simon_prickett

Do the import tanks come with cupholders? Will they need better undersealing in case we have to drive in any mud?

Simon.

Luke

Will "Optimax" make the tanks go faster???

BarryK

Can I get 18" Oz Graphites and Leda conversion with Brembo brake upgrade on my staff half track?

Anyone used Green Stuff on their DUKW?

Nimbus

Just found out that the Challenger 2 can be bought with OZ Superturismo as a drealer fit option..





(my appologies for this very poor attempt ).

Luke

Look at the mud on the alloys !!!

[Edited by Luke - 10/16/2001 10:47:02 PM]

Shark

lol @ all replies on this thread

Can I have a Challanger with a PPP

DrEvil

And don't forget a trip to Power Station for the bump steer mod

Crapaud62

No doubt the wax wizard will bring out a Challenger Starter Pack for only £9,999.