Compulsory Enlistment !!!!!!!
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From: Under your bonnet
Notification of compulsory enlistment,
Under Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the defence Act (1978),
YOU are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict. You may shortly be ordered to depart for the Middle East where you will join either the 3rd Battalion, the Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts or the 2nd Foot and Mouth.
The regulars are too busy driving green godesses themselves.
Due to the recent run of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us any of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were returned after the previous adventures in the falklands and the Gulf, It will be necessary for you to make your own way to the combat zone. H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one way trips with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this offer, Ryan Air also do a nice little trip.
Because of cutbacks in Government expediture in recent years it will be necessary for you to provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible.
Combat jacket, Trousers (preferably Kaki - but please no Denim),Tin helmet, boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers), Gas mask, Map of the combat Zone (the ordanance survey :2800 outdoor lesiure map of Iraq will do), rifle, ammunition (preferably to suit previous item), Sun tan lotion.
If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a Tank - Vickers Defence of Leeds are currently offering all new conscripts a 0% finance deal on all X registration Cheiftans but hurry, offer is only available whilst stocks last.
We would like to re assure you that in the unlikely event of anything going wrong you will recieve a free burial in the graveyard of your choice, and your next of kin will be entitled to the new War Widows pension of a £1.75 per calendar Month, index linked but subject to means testing, and fully repayable should our side eventually lose.
There may be little time for formal military training before your departure and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and pick up a few tips as you watch :-
The Guns of Navarone, Kelly's Heroes, A Bridge Too far, The Longest Day, Apocalypse Now, The Matrix, Blazing Saddles, The Desert Song, Mary Poppins.
We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum.
To mentaly prepare yourself for your mission, try reading the works of Wilfred Owen or Rupert Broooks. this should give you some idea of what may be involved...
Yours Faithfully
Hoon, Ministry Of Defence.
(A Bush/Blair Production)
Sponsored by Mars, The official snack of World War III
Andy
Under Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the defence Act (1978),
YOU are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict. You may shortly be ordered to depart for the Middle East where you will join either the 3rd Battalion, the Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts or the 2nd Foot and Mouth.
The regulars are too busy driving green godesses themselves.
Due to the recent run of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us any of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were returned after the previous adventures in the falklands and the Gulf, It will be necessary for you to make your own way to the combat zone. H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one way trips with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this offer, Ryan Air also do a nice little trip.
Because of cutbacks in Government expediture in recent years it will be necessary for you to provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible.
Combat jacket, Trousers (preferably Kaki - but please no Denim),Tin helmet, boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers), Gas mask, Map of the combat Zone (the ordanance survey :2800 outdoor lesiure map of Iraq will do), rifle, ammunition (preferably to suit previous item), Sun tan lotion.
If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a Tank - Vickers Defence of Leeds are currently offering all new conscripts a 0% finance deal on all X registration Cheiftans but hurry, offer is only available whilst stocks last.
We would like to re assure you that in the unlikely event of anything going wrong you will recieve a free burial in the graveyard of your choice, and your next of kin will be entitled to the new War Widows pension of a £1.75 per calendar Month, index linked but subject to means testing, and fully repayable should our side eventually lose.
There may be little time for formal military training before your departure and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and pick up a few tips as you watch :-
The Guns of Navarone, Kelly's Heroes, A Bridge Too far, The Longest Day, Apocalypse Now, The Matrix, Blazing Saddles, The Desert Song, Mary Poppins.
We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum.
To mentaly prepare yourself for your mission, try reading the works of Wilfred Owen or Rupert Broooks. this should give you some idea of what may be involved...
Yours Faithfully
Hoon, Ministry Of Defence.
(A Bush/Blair Production)
Sponsored by Mars, The official snack of World War III
Andy
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