Julz1983

Our daughter is 3 next month. She has slept throught the night since 3 months old, never used to wake up for feeds or for any other reason, always went to bed at a set time and would get straight in to bed and straight to sleep, which was perfect. Now the problem is, last week she was waking up at 2am, 3am etc shouting and screaming for the light to be put on, so I put the light on thinking she must have just been dreaming and woke up scared, but it has now carried on, she will go to bed and lets me get out the room and must lie awake for ages, she eventually does go to sleep but has to have the light on still and I can't put it off as she will wake through the night screaming, but even with the light on she is waking up every couple of hours through the night, I am really knackered as I am up and down through the night and cannot seem to find what the problem is, the light is on for her like she wants, she has her mountain of favourite toys that have to be in her bed at night, she gets a drink to take to bed and has a snack before bed, so I just don't know what is wrong, I know she must be scared of the dark for some reason which is recent, but to be waking up and shouting for the light to be put on etc when it already is on, I just don't get it. Anyone had similar experiences or any sugestions??

EXSCOOBY

have you heard any noises or voices coming from the telly?
does she have a weird clown doll in her bedroom ?
have objects in the house started to move round on their own
have you received any visits from really tall sinister preists?
MEMORIZE THIS QUOTE
"listen to me. Do NOT go into the light. Stop where you are. Turn away from it. Don't even look at it."

OllyK

A kennel down the garden? Oh sorry you said child not dog

Have you spoken to the her to ask what's up? Ok you may not get a lot of sense but you may get something. Otherwise maybe have a chat with the doc?

Reality

Next time she screams the house down put on a monster mask and jump round the corner screaming at her.

Should sort it out .

Julz1983

No to all of the above, it's not funny, I'm like a zombie walking round coz I can't find the root of the problem, I wanted some parent to parent advice here as I hate going to see the health visitor who basically makes you feel like everything you are doing with your child is wrong!

Edit- this was to the 1st reply

NWMark

had it pretty similar with my lad when he was of a similar age, he hated the dark, and wanted the light on, but then took ages to get to sleep due to the light.

In the end bought a plug in night light that although wasnt very bright it lit the room enough so that he could easily see everything.

He still moaned it wasnt bright enough, and would regularly wake up in the night asking for the light to be put on.

So we bought him a torch let him go to bed with it, night light on, he would sit and play with the torch and eventually fall asleep (torch still on) so we had to check every half hour or so and when he was asleep turn it off.

But we made sure he knew that it would be next to his bed at night if he woke up and wanted the light on he could just use the torch instead.

Eventually the novelty wore off and he didnt play with it at bed time and just went to sleep with the night light on, but the torch still near the side of the bed for night time use. He had the night light for about 18 months but the torch stopped getting used after a couple of weeks.

could be worth a try.

Mark

Julz1983

LOL well I have tried everything else, so I might aswell do that now.

To Ollyk, yes I've tried asking her, but she can't string words together properly or when she gets asked what is wrong she'll just repeat herself by saying 'want light on, want light on', when it's already on or she wants to try and get out her room and in to another room.

Reality

Diet is probably the cause.

but you really need to speak to someone who you can give all the details to

TelBoy

Reassurance is the key here. It's a combination of attention seeking (which is perfectly normal at this age), and an incomplete comprehension of what darkness "is". Try and link her waking up sessions to her bed toy, if she has one - tell her that if she can see its face then it isn't dark, and there will be no monsters etc. Just try not to get frustrated - all kids go through a similar stage, sometimes for quite a few months.

lightning101

Take away all sugar products before bedtime.

OllyK

Not being funny - but I wouldn't go introducing the concept of "monsters" unless it is something she is specifically mentioning - that could open a whole new can of worms.

Julz - any chance she may have seen something innapropriate on TV, crept down without you knowing and seen a TV prog you were watching etc? I know Dr Who used to scare the crap out of me as kid

TelBoy

No, true enough, point taken.

Julz1983

She rarely gets sugary sweet things now, as at one point the only words she would say was, 'biscuits', 'sweets', etc, which was doing my head in completely, so her diet has changed but for the better but she has changed the way she eats for a while now so it doesn't fit in with the times of her starting to wake up screaming etc. I try to bribe her by saying her scooby-doo toy is sleeping etc, sound like a right nit wit doing it but sometimes it helps, but now I think she has clicked on to it and she knows I'm speaking cr@p . Lastnight she ended up in our bed and didn't want to go back in to her room, as soon as she did she screamed for ages, I try to leave her as long as possible but I can't keep up with it and end up keep going in to see her.

She can't creep down to see anything on tv that might have scared her as she can't open the stairgate and even if she could get past it we would hear her as she's like an elephant and doesn't know the word 'quiet'

Scooby-Doo

Dreaming/nightmares are very common in 3/4 years old and we are going through it aswell. We asked the child health visitor at the local GP's and the advice was to tell your child that (insert favorite toy) would protect him/her from and nasty dreams and make sure said toy is in bed with him/her when they go to sleep. Funnily enough within a week they have stopped although he will not go to sleep without the light on.

Having a one year old as well we have not had a full nights sleep for 4 and a bit years now

OllyK

I'm going to put my neck on the line here and draw parallels with dog training. It's sounding more and more like attention seeking. By going to her when she cries, you re-inforce the problem.

As there is nothing physically the matter, if she does cry and scream, try and ignore it. If she is still screaming after 10-15 mins - get her up, take her to the bathroom to use the loo etc, keep fuss etc to a min, then settle her back down to bed and leave her again. When she realises that she doesn't get a fuss or get to come to Mum's bed she "should" do it less.


OK - just a thought as I know that's where my childhood fear of the dark came from. Completely the opposite now, room has to be pitch black.

Julz1983

You weren't putting your neck on the line, as I do blame myself once I give in and keep going in to see her, so I know I have to stop that, it's just when the crying and screaming is going through my head I can't stand just sitting listening any longer and give in completely, There's nothing that she seems to be scared of not that I can think of anyways, and with her not being able to tell me makes it worse. I know i used to find the Thunderbirds scary when I was little they used to freak me out big style.

scoobyangel

my boy has just turned 3, ans like your little girl has always slept through the night with no problem, couple weeks ago he started waking up early morning crying and wanting to come into bed with us (which we have never allowed) the first night he did it, yes it was prolly a bad dream, so in he came for a cuddle for ten mins then back to his own bed...
then he started doing it every night... there was nothing whatsoever wrong. just the fact that he got attention the first time cos it was unusual, so he wanted some more attention!!

kids are real good at getting the attention and will use lots of tricks to get it, for the next two nights that my boy got up i used rapid return, i.e took him straight back to his bed, no cuddle no eye contact no talk, the getting up in the night stopped and we all got a good nights sleep again!!

until this last week!!! but thats cos he is now toilet trained, and wakes to go toilet!!! but even with that he will potter into the bathroom all by himself and go toilet then take himself back to bed, though i do watch him secretly just incase he has an accident¬!!!

Julz1983

It's good in a way to know that others have or have had similar problems, coz sometimes it gets to the stage where you start to wonder is it you?
If she gets the chance to get out of her room and come in to our room or go downstairs she goes quiet straight away then will go back to bed and hey presto starts crying again, she always shouts on me, its always 'want to see mammy', and she will continue until it is me that goes in, so I guess it is all attention, she may not like the dark but the light is on so she obviously wants me there aswell.

scoobyangel

i know exactly what its like mate... my boy shuns his father at the moment, wanting only mummy, after talking to a few others with kids tho, it seems they all go through this, it is all about attention at the end of the day cos they only thing important to a toddler is attention and they will find anyway of getting it, playing parents off against each other is apparently a favorite!!!

Dunk

iTrader: (1)

Make sure she has a light she can turn on next to her bed to make her a bit more self sufficient, some background noise (mine have classic FM ) should stop any "scary" noises in the night. (If you keep increasing the volume over time, she should be become less sensitive to noise distruption.)
Otherwise a Medised & Calpol cocktail should do the trick.

D

fast bloke

Both our kids went through the same thing at a similar age. It is really difficult to leave them crying. Eventually (after months of trying every suggestion) we gave in and let them come into our bed. They gave up after a few weeks of me snoring and farting - If they have a bad dream now they will occasionally sneak in in the middle of the night for a cuddle, then go back to bed of their own accord. Don't know the real reason behind this, but I think that as long as they know they have the option then they are happy enough to stay in their own beds.

(Disclaimer - this was more luck than judgement - only try it at home if you are prepared to have them in your bed for the next 10 years )

jbryant

Wise words indeed. I've been through all of this with my 3yr old boy. If you feel she's playing for attention, then put her back into bed (assuming she gets out) and just look her squarely in the tummy!

Advice to give them a torch is a good one. ELC do a nice kiddy one for about £5. Get rechargeable batteries though

Get a side lamp or table lamp.
My boy has a standard side lamp and one of these 'carousel lamps'
http://www.johnlewis.com/Furniture/N...3/Product.aspx
They have to stay on all night or he wakes up screaming in the dark. I see no reason for him to not have the lights on, so the trick we used was to not use the main light, and then to gradually reduce the wattage in both the side lamps. They're now I think only 7.5W or something silly (you may need to go online to get specific bulbs that are so low)

Oh - one other thing - go to bed an hour earlier than normal until the situation is fixed or you'll be in no state to sort it properly and will only get more tired and cranky.

Hope this helps
Joolz

jbryant

The main-selling Medised and Calpol products are both Paracetamol based. Do NOT do this.

Reality

gingerboy

We have a 3 year old daughter and have just got her out of this routine. She had a habit of getting up every 5 mins when we first put her to bed but would then settle but wake up in the early hours and demand to come in with us .

To put it simply as mentioned above by Ollyk be firm, avoid any verbal interaction other than matbe the absolute minimum. If she has a wet nappy change it but do not talk to her at all. It took about 1 week approx to get our daughter back in her usual routine of 8.00pm through to 8.00am sleeping pattern.

If you get chance try and watch "House of Tiny Tear-aways" with Dr Tanya O'Brien, it's usually on every 4 weeks for one week and focuses on problems encountered by parents - some of the cases are a bit extreme but you can pick up some handy hints and tips for many things from sleeping probs - through to diet etc.

We also started a reward chart for our daughter, if she stays in her own bed she gets a star / smiley face in the morning and at the weekend gets a treat.

The only other thing I have seen is a child suffering "night terrors" where a young girl of 3 or 4 was waking up at roughly the same time every night absolutely terrorfied. Again I think it was Dr tanya that hosted the programme and she got one parent to wake the girl at 1.00 am very gently before she would normally have a night terror. All the Dad would do is wake her up and ask if she was OK, tell her he loved her and give her a cuddle, then tell her to go back to sleep.

Within a matter of days the parents were having the whole evening to themselves and also no longer had a toddler sharing their bed at night .

It sounds like you have a good routine so all i can recommend is stick to it but maybe be a little firmer and avoid to much interaction verbally - make sure she understands that yes you love her but by the same token you are not going to be at her beck and call.

Good luck

GB

Julz1983

Thanks for all the replies.
Well looks like my unpeaceful night starts here , just put daughter to bed, she went in her room fine and I had no sooner got downstairs and she's up there screaming and shouting for me, shouting to come back downstairs, shouting she wants to see Daddy (i know this is an excuse so she can get out her room as she has tried this one on me before), but I'm going to sit down here now and try to ignore her, it's going to be tough as she is really going for it, she must have some good lungs.

gingerboy

Hang in their Julz and stick to your gun's she will get bored eventually - you just need to have the will power to ignore her!!

If she comes down, straight back up and avoid eye contact and verbal interaction - she'll soon get the message.

meanwhile, open a bootle of wine, close the living room door, turn the telly up and leave her to it.

Good luck

Paul

mart360

Phase in ----phase out..

our three year old was is the same..

look at it from this way... youve had over 900 trouble free nights,

so he/ she is having an odd spell, it happens, ours has gone back to sleeping right through,

one school of thought is that they wake at there birth time, dont know whether its true but??

blackout curtains, help, as does a gentle deaf ear!!

mart

Julz1983

Well she eventually went to sleep so fingers crossed she doesn't hear me when I do go up to bed later, it really has got to the point of creeping around once she is asleep and if she does start to cry and scream I have got to the stage of putting my head under the pillows, sounds awful I know, but it's not like she has something serious happening to her while I'm blocking it out and I'm just letting her cry, I realise now the more she knows I give in and be soft then she will carry on crying for me, I do feel a right bitch for ignoring her espec when I can hear her shouting on me and getting so upset she can hardly talk but I do need to do it otherwise she'll be school age and still clinging to me and wanting to sleep in my bed, I'm glad we just have her, I couldn't be done with anymore kids while theres a stage like this and I'm losing sleep everynight. So if she sleeps through tonight then that will be my first full nights sleep for over a week
mart.........I wouldn't mind if she woke at her birth time- 10pm, but it's 2am,3am etc etc that she wakes

mart360

dont worry weve all been there

it used to drive my wife up the wall, me i just sleep through it,

its amazing what they can/ will see/ use as a reason to not go off or wake up.

weve had tried used/ gven up on.


night lights,

music,

teddys,

dummys,

mum/ dad spending the night in the room. (worst thing i know but only for a couple of times)

blackout curtains (they work)

now we find run him ragged during the day, no nap and within 10-20 minutes of going up he,s well away (touch wood)

i think your takeing the right approach,

remember every time you give in they know they can do it again and a gain...


good luck

mart