Bit_of_help

I know a BBS isnt really the place for this, but using another login, as some may know me.
Just after some ideas/plans of attack really.
Please bear with me...could be a bit drawn out explanation.
My girlfriend moved out of ex-partners house end of last year; into her own place. They do have kids between 'em, 2 with her , 2 with him.

She was suffering mental abuse by her ex prior to moving out, she still gets the occasional phone call where they are discussing something quite amicably, then he turns nasty and starts threatening her that she will never see her kids, they dont wanna see her etc. He always invokes... if she would come back all will be well...
Always emotional blackmail
Now things have taken a nasty twist...
He knew about me, but now knows we are serious with each other.
He and my g/f's sister (g/f and sister hate each other, she has done some serious stirring as well), have concocted new stories.
G/f has recently found out that her sister and ex have made up a story, that my g/f had co-erced her sisters 10 yr old daughter to contact guys on the internet for her.
The latest is that that my g/f has been picking up blokes around town and receiving monetary remuneration for it.. (I dont think i have to spell it out)

I dont know how people can be so sick, dont want to go in mob handed, may cause more damage than solve things.
Any legal eagles around, am thinking of what course(s) of action to take.
all the g/f wants is a quiet life.


BTW this IS for real
cheers
anon

Cold Turkey

call their bluff mate ... what are they hoping to achieve by this ? other than making you worry ?

bluff them to go to the Police and Courts ... in such cases the truth inevitably comes out

good luck

sti-04!!

Take one meat cleaver & insert it in the *******

Leave the country for somewere like croatia

Problem solved

HTH

EXSCOOBY

this is a wind up !!!!!!!!!!

astraboy has never even kissed a girl far less had a "girlfriend"

Bit_of_help

NO, NOT A WIND UP

I only wish it were. If you want to pm me with your mobile number, i'll convince you.

EXSCOOBY

sorry i was misunderstanding deliberately for comic effect
best of luck with your problem
all the best

Brendan Hughes

I don't think the law will help. To accuse them of anything you'd have to have cast iron proof of it. To sue for damages you'd have to prove it, and then they'd have to have the money available to pay.

I think you need some complicated plot/trap that makes them look stupid and wrong in public, rather than serving them with a court order.

Good luck.

KiwiGTI

Have you thought about contacting Jerry Springer or Trisha?

Bit_of_help

EXC , no probs, just wanted it known it wasnt a wind up b4 too many jumped in.

I have been thinking about it, and I know a solicitor is going to ask "who have they told", so that maybe statements could be taken. But then again these people would have to "volunteer" the information.
Although it gets my g/f down ( and bloody angry), she hasnt really got the "nouse" on ways to deal with it. Previously she hasnt wanted me to get pro-actively involved, but this weekend am going to try and change her mind.
Was just wondering if I can get a family member who heard this information and where from, to sign a statement to the effect.
Give it to a solicitor to draft a letter to those concerned that action would be taken, unless the slander is stopped.
If they heeded the letter, no proof would have to be got because it would not have to go to court.
Then i suppose they could double bluff and carry on.

Bit_of_help

lol thanks Kiwi

Soulgirl

I am assuming, because of her family status, that she will be entitled to legal aid. Get a solicitor - her only course of action is to go for custody of all the children and get him out of her life.

The most important thing here is to be calm. Sounds stupid and condescending but I've been there - exactly where she is now. If none of the stories are true then she has nothing to worry about. It's not a new thing, it happens all the time to jilted lovers.

Nip into a solicitors and have a free consultation - they will tell you what your options are

Bit_of_help

Hi Soulgirl, yes she would be entitled to legal aid.
Custody of her other 2 kids, although would be great for her; is too late.
He had already poisoned the minds of the 2 that he has custody of; against her.
Which started before she left... they now hate their own mother due the sick ba****d lies and deception.
The solicitor she had for the separation, was almost totally useless in putting most of her case forward, now she doesnt have much faith in them.
I will try and make her see a different solicitor, not sure if she will go for it tho.

Soulgirl

I'm not sure how old the other two children are but my ex husband also tried to poison the mind of my Son who chose to stay with him instead of coming with me.... where is my Son now? With me He began to realise over time that his Dad was a liar having also suffered the same abuse that I did.

Never give up. Children are far to precious. He should be very disgusted with himself for being so damn snide - what goes around comes around... he will get his comeuppance eventually

Kudos to you for not walking away!! See, she must be worth it

Bit_of_help

Glad it worked out for you soulgirl.
The kids with him are 11 & 15, obv it could take a long time before they come to realise all the cr@p he's spouting is cr@p.
I certainly wouldnt let a low life like him come between us anyway.
He is obv attempting to do as much damage to the g/f as he can.
She doesnt really want me to become involved directly, and wether deliberately or not, has so far he has left me out of his stories.
So have so far kept her wishes and stayed out of it, at least if he changes tact to have a go at me, will take the heat off her; but cant see him doing it.

Turbohot

what a mess! your GF needs to engage a solicitor and sort it out mate.Simple.Or,excruciation will go on!Kids are involved n all.Its not fair on them.
Good luck

DEC14N

I cant give you any legal advice but what i can say is (and im not teaching you to suck eggs) be very carefull how hard you push your g/f into changing her mind on things. As far as i can see she needs very gentle gloves, especially after being in such a harsh enviroment previously. you dont want to make her feel presured into doing things. be gentle and let her decide. It is an awfull situation, those telling the lies will trip up sooner or later and show themselves for what they are in the mean time as soulgirl said stay calm (easier said than done).

Mrs WRX

Going down the legal route is very expensive and I dont think Legal Aid will cover civil cases. She should still push for full custody of the other two children. I can imagine that it is not very nice for her to be gossiped about but my advise would be to ignore it (easier said that done) and it will go away. Eventually everybody will know it to be malicious gossip and will start to ignore his vile ramblings. As long as friends and family know it is rubbish it should give her the strength to ignore him. As somebody above mentioned dont push her into things and assure her that you are there for her. Hope it all works out.

mad_dr

If all the GF wants is a quiet life, why not just ignore them and leave them to it? As long as they don't start blabbling stories around the town, who cares what they're telling each other or the other 2 kids?

type-r-stan

Does she has visits with the 2 older children at the moment? If so then maybe she needs to discuss this with social services who can arrange visits to be in agreed place - not nice i know but would mean that her contact with him is limited. i agree that in time the kids will realise that he is not whiter than white and their mum didn't give up on them.

As for the gossip - anyone that believes his bollix is no friend of hers and most people will be able to make up their own mind and know that he is bitter and twisted.

A solictors visit might be an idea and i think your g/f needs to start documenting the dates and nature of abusive behaviour. Down the line it easy to forget.

If you don't think he is going to respond to civil action then short of giving him a pasting you'll have to ignore him.

Bit_of_help

Have not tried to pressure her into making decisions, I want her to make them for her own reasons. Just try and give her pros an cons if she asks.
She has tried to ignore them, then they just come out with something new.
The 2 kids with him, have been poisoned that badly they dont want to know her.

They have blabbed stories around town, exactly which ones not sure.
She now wont talk to him, at all thankfully; before she was, just to try and get her "foot in the door" to talk to the 2 kids.
What he wants, I am positive; is to pi$$ her off so much, she'll react in some way; then they'll go to the social and get her to be seen as an unfit mother.
Whatever happens this git isnt going to get away scot free.

Soulgirl

I think what is important here is that all the children don't lose touch. Perhaps a mediator can be appointed so at least they (the kids) all meet up once a month just to say hi and how things are going. That would be a great way for the eldest ones to see just how happy their siblings are with their Mum

As said above, it is also important to document everything that happens and create a diary of events as best she can. I suspect she feels very vulnerable and alone and unfortunately this can lead to depression which you don't want otherwise she will begin to believe his bullsh1t.

I am left wondering why her Sister hates her though? Has something happened in the past bad enough to cause such a rift or perhaps this sister really fancies the bloke so is siding with him to draw his attentions to her?

Nip to a solicitor or at the very least the citizens advice bureau - gather the necessary information and at least ponder what your next move could be

I don't think this would necessarily be handled as a civil case as children are involved so it would really be handled by the family courts. Irrespective of whether they were married or not, they were still a family unity and a legal separation is acheivable much like a divorce I believe.

And, last but not least, if he mentally abused his partner, he will do it with anyone he lives with including his kids.... he may be nice now but give it time - it's their (the bully) way of staying in control so bullying to them is the only means of control. Fvcking tosspot!!