Blue one

OK, I was super brave last night and ended things with my other half.

After a few hours last night he seemed to be ok (coping rationally).

Today he is a mess, he wants me to reconsider, which I think is out of the question as we have both been unhappy for ages.

He said I am the only thing keeping him going in his life and now he has lost me.

I can't make him look ahead to when he is feeling better. I have asked him to speak to someone (a close relative or a friend), which he does not want to do.

Why is he punishing himself. I know that talking helps. How can he be persuaded to talk?

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

sorry to hear about your break up but probably for the best for the both of you in the long run if you were both unhappy.Guess its going to take a couple of days for him to get his head around this, these things are never easy especially if you two have been together for a long time,hopefully after a few days though it will sink in and he will realise you two are not goin to reconcile then confide in his mates they will take him out on the ****,sort him out jobs a good un

Jap2Scrap

Get one of your mates to go round and **** him. Sorted

Orrrrr... It's hard being in your situation. I've been through it twice! First I had the tears, then the begging, then the suicide threats but you have to be firm. Be as compassionate as you can be, talk to him rather than leaving him wondering. If he has questions, answer them if you can but gradually pull more and more away. If you can help it do your talking over the phone. Avoid face-to-face talks whenever possible or you may find yourself feeling all sorts of guilt and pity which will help neither of you.

He'll get it together eventually. If you are close to any of his mates tell them the score, encourage them to spend some time with him.

Blue one

Can't avoid the face to face talks.

I am being as helpful as I can, but I know this is not enough for him.

He doesn't have best mates close enough to visit, which is why he has always been so reliant on me.

Should I ask people to call him, or would he see this in a bad way? this results with other people finding out what is going, but he does not want to share the situation with anyone.

(Yes he is making me feel guitly even though I have done nothing wrong)

Jap2Scrap

Why can't you avoid face to face? Don't tell me you've dumped him but are still living with him.. Sorry, but that's just cruel.

Yes, call a mate you can trust not to say you prompted him to call. Get him to ring your ex 'just to say hiya' and see if he volunteers the information.

The Chief

Is there any chance at all of reconciliation??? How long have you been together? if it is a long time consider coucilling dont. Just because you've had a sh*t time of late think the grass is greener on the other side.

If you feel anything for him give it another go on the condition you both sit down and talk it through - maybe a deadline of 6 months.

However if you truly dont love him at all then its time to move on and dont feel bad if he is feeling sorry for himself and trying to make you feel bad.

Just my two pennies worth


Good luck


Trisha - ITV

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

if he hasnt got any close friends thats gonna make it a lot tougher for him. when i split from my gf of 5 years dont think i would have coped without my mates (and plenty of alcohol)

The Chief

I agree if it is definitely finito! then he needs to get out a bit more, join a gym that sort of thing give which will give him a bit of confidence.

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

Why can't you avoid face to face? Do you work with him or still live together?

If its the latter how can either of you move on, when er you haven't?!

BTW I'd advise against phoning his mates to get them to call him, that's up to him to talk to them etc and I don't think either him or his mates would appreciate you orchestrating that

Blue one

We are living together, that is why I can't avoid face to face.

I have been unhappy for a long time, which is why I know another try would not work.

Any other ideas on how to get him through the worst bit?

Mogsi

Err yeah move out..!!

How can he even start to get over it when he is still seeing you everyday !!!!!

SiPie

Exactly

Regardless of how awkward it is, one of you must move out.

End of

The Chief

Is there anybody else involved - come on be honest!

Blue one

Nobody else involved at all.

The Chief

Have you got any doubts about this at all??

Do you feel anything for him still at all???

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

Basically you want out, get out

Is it rented? do you both own it?

Blue one

Can't get into too much detail on the page, sorry.

davegtt

women = head f#*ks.... move out for christs sake, you split with the guy and then rub it in his face by being there every other minute of the day....

rather nasty if you ask me... even if you couldnt have sorted somewhere else to live for another week or so you could have kept stum for that week until you was prepared to actually break the relationship....

Blue one

Do you think I am being nasty on purpose?
I am trying to be as helpful as I can in the situation.
I am not enjoying it at all.

And what am I supposed to keep stum about?

davegtt

keep stum about splitting for the next week until you are prepared to split properly and move out, how can either of you break a relationship and expect to live under the same roof?

Blue one

davegtt, things are never that simple.

the moose

Things aren't simple, no, but if you're living with someone and it's going badly, telling them that it's over and remaining in situ is clearly not going to improve the situation.

One of you has to leave, I'm afraid, regardless of the financial consequences. Move in with a friend, rent a horrible little one-room apartment, but move out, otherwise neither of you will be able to move on.

davegtt

nope your right, things are never that simple are they.... life is a bitch and thats how it is but you'll find most people will agree that you cant keep on living together... theoretically you called the relationship off you should move out and give him his space.... although to be fair it doesnt matter who goes but 1 of you must and if hes the 1 trying to get you to reconsider then hes not going to go anywhere.....

Jap2Scrap

Sorry blue, but it's as I said in my second post.. If you haven't moved out you're just ******* with his head.

Women. Can't live with 'em - Can't kill 'em..

davegtt

Unfortunately

Apparition

From a woman's point of view, and there seem to be plenty of men giving their biased opinion on here.......
As soon as you can, try to find alternative accommodation. By "Trying to be as helpful as you can", you are in fact rubbing salt into the wound even tho' you have the best intentions. This is a time for being cruel to be kind. Believe me, I've been there during my divorce. Had to live under the same roof for a while and it was hell. The only way I could gain any distance both physically and emotionally was to become a "hard bitch". To wear a suit of armour and distance myself by my behaviour. I was told I'd changed, grown a thick skin, wasn't the same any more,etc. But it helped us both. Eventually when we'd both got some distance between us, we became reasonably amicable friends. It can be done. But you have to be strong and probably won't like yourself for a while.
Its called escaping from the comfort zone.

As for the coments above about, why didn't you find somewhere to move to before telling him.......these things don't always work in a chronological order, emotions have a nasty habit of messing your head up and preventing organised thinking. All you can do now is get some damage limitation in place pronto.
Good luck~ to you both.
Yve

davegtt

Yve, Biased opinion? youve given the exact same opinion as the men

granted things have a way of coming out like that but in this case it does sound like probs have been on for a while i.e. "Ive/we've been unhappy for a while now" you know it sounded preplanned to split it but without thinking of the implications...

Not trying to be or sound hard on you but tbh its for the best. 1 of you has to leave, otherwise the split will never work for both of you

Soulgirl

He's scared.... of many things but probably including lonliness, change etc. He is panicing right now but in a few weeks it should all pan out.

It's no use wasting years of your life with someone who no longer excites you so you have done the right thing.

I wasted 13 years of my life giving him ''one more chance'' but strangely when I left he was gutted, suicidal, obstructive and pathetic.

Although I can appreciate you feel the need to help this man, you do it only for reasons of guilt.

I say let him get on with it - yes, he will be down for a short while but he's an adult and must realise that relationships do end for whatever reason. Don't beat yourself up about it and leave him be.

I was in the same position, I couldn't move out right away until I had secured funds from our jointly owned bungalow and bought a flat of my own. That was 3 months of hell whereby I had to sleep in my Daughters bed with the door locked after finding him trying to **** me, whilst in my daughters bed, very late at night!! It was that night he started to rig up a noose from the loft hatch *sigh*.

Good luck for your future

Apparition

Dave gtt :: Yep you spotted it BUT I also gave a leetle bit of help hopefully too. Some of you guys just are sooooooooooooo blunt and quick to judge, I said "some of", you decide who I mean .....

Blue one

Yes the girls can word things better