Drunken Bungle Whore

As there are many people on here acting like children at the moment - and as there's so much pollitical angst around - I thought this might lighten things up.

Here's one my nephew came out with when he was 9 years old and just home from a sex education class at school:

Nephew: Mum, I understand what condoms are and what they're for, but I have one quesion.
Mum: (a little worried) Yes son, what is it?
Newphew: Why do they make them in different flavours?

OllyK

You're missing "Mum's" reply

Drunken Bungle Whore

Or how about when he was 3 years old, sat on my knee and with his finger up his nose:


Mum: Christopher - stop picking your nose!
Chris: I'm not picking it mummy, I'm putting it back!

Drunken Bungle Whore

"Ask your father"

Brendan Hughes

Answer - Because so many people buying them from vending machines think they are chewing gum

Julz1983

My next door neighbours little girl had a bug last week, she had sickness and diarrhoea, it lasted for about 3-4 days, she got up on the saturday morning and said "Mam I feel better now" her mam asked her how she was better, the little girl replied "My sickness and directions have gone" LOL.

Apparition

My son Ben was very young when one night his dad (my ex), had a bad diabetic hypo. It resulted in my having to 999 for an ambulance.
The folks came and took dad away to hospital to sort him out and I turned around to see Ben crying. "What's the matter Ben?", I said. "Daddy will be ok don't worry about him."

"Its not Daddy, the lights weren't flashing on the ambulance !"

Apparition

BTW ~ DBW : Bloomin' good thread, we all need a bit of light relief. Cheers.

DPat

My mate's little lad was struggling with his duplo for about 20 minutes and was then heard to say 'FFS' - guess what his dad's favourite saying had been up to that point!
Have to say the context was perfect

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

I got in trouble of my Mother in Law, my eldest was at her house and licked his plate, he got told off and said Dad does it, I bloody well dont !

Nimbus

Class. Glad he's got his priorities stright...

Mrs WRX

My 5 year old was obsessed with dying and would quiz me on it. After telling him that only old people die (trying to reassure him) he replied - Well that wont happen us as we're new!

ScoobyDoo555

One of my college students came out with a classic earlier this week.
Whist returning to class from playing footy at lunch, he was approached by some local school girls.

They said that they were giving away free blow jobs. (not really shy, these girls!)

To this, he replied, "oh yeh, how much?"


It's kept me going all week. Dopey sod He also hadthe p1ss ripped out of him by his class mates too!!!

Dan

Redkop

I can remember my daughter asking me what a lert was... after a neighbour had commented that my dog really looked alert.

SCD Simon

iTrader: (1)

Few years ago when my daughter was about 3 we were at a christening in church when the vicar said "we are gathered here today in gods presence" and as he paused she said in a loud voice so everyone heard "Mammy the PRESENTS are in the car"

corradoboy

The sister-in-law used to work on the check-outs at Asda, and one day two neighbours were chatting as she served. One of them was buying loads of party food and had her daughter with her. They had been chatting about the surprise party, when the neighbour turned to the daughter and enquired why she was so quiet. The little girl announced that she had a secret and wasn't to tell. Knowing it was related to the surprise party for her daddy the neighbour pushed a couple of times until the girl divulged.....









































....."I saw Mummy with Daddy's ***** in her mouth !!!!"

Leslie

Good one DBW. Get out of that!

Les

ajm

When my sister was little she and my Dad were in a lift with a load of other people, including a black gentleman. My sister asked, in the loudest voice, "Daddy, why are black people's hands not black on both sides?"

David Lock

Overheard.......

Little lad saying to his Grandad.

"Grandpa - can you make a noise like a frog?"

"Well I expect so son, why do you ask?"









"'Cos mummy says we can all go to Disneyland when you croak!" DL

STi-Frenchie

Apparition...that's class!!!

Couple of moments from when my son was younger...

He unfortunately had a bout of diahorrea and just after it happened he came up to me and his mother and said "Mummy, I've just been sick from my bum"

Another time, we were in Cyprus and were looking around the souvenir shops and he picked up a seashell and put it to his ear. I said to him, "Can you hear the sea in that?" to which he replied, "No, but I can hear the swimming pool"

Out of the mouths of babes...

Great thread, keep 'em coming

Scoob99

iTrader: (1)

I remember when my youngest son nearly made my mate wet himself, We were out delivering mail and he had to show me the job, Anyhows the van we we were in got stuck in some mud, so I stuck some mail bags under the rear wheels and we attempted to back it out,to which my mate hit the throttle so hard the bags came flying out covering me head to foot in mud and ****, So we had to get me some dry clothes home we shot and my son who was 4 at the time looked at me looked at my mate looked at me again and turned to my mate and said IT MY DAD A ******** well my mate nearly collapsed laughing, he said if he had let go of his **** he would have wet himself, my son is now 19, GIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cheers
Colin

David Lock

And sometimes the kids' words stick...... Wardrobe was a big word for my daughter when she was a toddler. Warbidobe was the closest she managed.

And guess what - when she comes home from uni, now at the grand old age of 19, we will still say to her "make sure you keep your Warbidobe tidy" sad I know but .......

Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

My (elder) nieces 4th birthday just last week....

She was asked by her Mummy who she loved the most

"YOU!" she shouted, pointing at mummy.

Who next?

"Uncle Kieran!" she cried (complete shock to me, I'm hardly ever around!)

Who next?

"Aunty Lulu!" (my wife Lisa.... Chloe couldn't say Lisa when she was really young)

Who next?

Well.... we went round nearly the whole damn' room and the Father (my mate) was just sat there drumming his fingers.... poor bugger never got mentioned...

STi-Frenchie

I know exactly what you mean David, we tease our daughter about her phrase about buying "aunti toe tics from the rama massey"

Antibiotics from the pharmacy