type-r-stan

I have fallen out with my best friend and i'm really upset. I can't discuss with mutual friends because they don't know all the details: It's a long story but I'll keep it brief as poss: My friend has been having an affair with a bloke for 13 years (yes, thirteen) she met the bloke when we were 22 and spent the last 13 years waiting for him to leave his wife with whom he has 2 kids!! the kids are now nearly 16 and he has always promised to leave when they are old enough- whatever that means. Anyway, over the years he has pulled some really bad tricks on her and she has always forgiven him. i have been trying to make her see sense since day one and she has 'split up' with him but always ended up getting back saying that she loves him too much to let him go.
He would disappear for weeks on end and claim that he had to go on holiday and the wife only told him the night before and he couldn't ring (bearing in mind he has his own business i find this hard to believe). i was always there for her as a shoulder to cry on and pickup the pieces till the next time.
anyway, in the 12 months he has got another woman pregnant and told my friend the woman had a termination - now turns out the baby was born at the weekend (he's been forgiven for that though).
it gets worse - she's been left 1/2 her dad's house and her brother is going to buy her out for about 100k. She wants to buy a flat but has a bad credit rating so the lastest idea is that they the flat in his name using her money as the deposit...
She told me this and i went a bit scatty and told her to wake up and smell the coffee, she was very offended and put the phone down on me and is refusing to take my calls.

So, if the flat is in his name and there's no written agreement between them that she put the money down will she be fcuked if a) he leaves b) he dies.??

Also,what can i do to make her see he is a to$$er?? i have tried all i can think of but am now thinking of ringing her brother to fill him in but obviously that will spell the end of a long friendship...
thanks
katrina (mrs stan.)

sti-04!!

Poor Guy

Happened on Casualty to the Southern Comfort lass.
Cant beleive the 5minutes of that **** i saw can actually be relavent in life.
anyways, she going out with this tall black guy who is also a paramedic. they get a flat in his name and it turns out hes still married to this bitch with a kid. Anyways this comfort goes back to her flat an the bitch got all of this guys possessions including the flat so this Comfort woman was homeless. Get that on video and send it round to your friends house.

Poor Guy

oh yeah, the tall black guy paramedic dies

Poor Guy

just to back up my wild ramblings check out "Worst Moments"
http://www.bbc.co.uk/casualty/charac..._comfort/page1

type-r-stan

Thanks Poor Guy.

There would be loads of soap 'characters and themes' i could have brought her attention to over the years but in this case love is definately blind, deaf. dumb and stupid. if it was up to me it would be a la trevor jordache under the patio in brookie!!!

GCollier

The percentage ownership each party has in the flat can and should be written into the legal documents drawn up by the solicitor. She doesn't need to have her name on the mortgage.

But kissing goodbye to 100 grand is relatively sane anyway, compared to wasting 13 years of your life on a bloke who appears to have been stringing her along, and who is having further flings.

Sounds asthough you've done as much as you can. All you can do now is to wait around to eventually pick up the pieces.

Gary.

warrenm2

if people are too stupid like this woman is - then advise her - if she ignores you - then sod her - its her life shes f***ing up, you cant force her to see sense

ChrisB

If she hasn't figured that in 13 years, you might as well save your breath!

Scoob99

iTrader: (1)

Stan E-mail me her number I'll tell the silly bitch Sorry to be harsh mate but some people need a kick up the ****
Cheers
Colin

lubo

i've got a friend like this... you just have to let them get on with it

Paulo P

iTrader: (42)

Errr if she won't listen what can you do? There are some people in this world who know best and can't be got through to

MJW

I would've thought the solution is glaringly obvious - tell the guy's wife & kids all about it

type-r-stan

The wife found out about them five years in.. after my friend left her job to set up a company (sandwich bar) with him. She worked her socks off setting up this franchise and the place was open for 5 days when the wife discovers the affair and my friend was out of the door and never set foot inthe place again.At time i was gutted for her but also thought well that's the final nail in the coffin - thank god.... but noooo... a month later she is back with him.

Then last summer after years of let downs etc. she starts getting abusive texts basically saying leave my husband alone, i'm gonna smash yer face in, i know where you live etc. etc. Then phone calls all hours. the bloke tells her to ignore it because she wouldn't carry it through but the relationship is strained and they don't see so much of each other (which i thought at the time was because she was pi$$ed offwith him because he didn't show up to her dad's funeral and they'd fell out)..
but now i know its because there is another woman on the scene who is basically glenn close. he let my friend believe that the texts/calls were thewife when they were in fact this new chick. glenn close got herself up the duff although my friend didn't know about this until christmas eve (what a nice geezer) when he confessed but said that glenn had had a termination.
Over xmas she also spoke to the wife who said that as long as she was kept in the manner to which she'd become accustomed he could carry on ******** whatever he wanted !!! So telling the wife is no longer an option. in our conversation the other day my friend said that she trusted him - to which i repiled 'you're mad' + a few expletives.
So now i think i have got a choice, let a 35 year old woman make her own decisions and hope that the writing on the wall (as i see it) never materialises or i try to stop this financial transaction from occuring and let her hate me. OR maybe its just time to let her do her own thing and exit stage left. i have got married and had two kids in less time than all this ****e has been going on.

also i must say that writing this down has been very helpful to straighten my thoughts.
thanks scoobynet.

duSTI

No disrespect but if she can't see that he's a rogue after all the things he has done and has not listend to a word of advice from you all I can suggest is that you let her get on with it.

Your concience should be clear knowing that you've done what you can.

People need to make there own mistakes in order to learn.

13 years though, seems like a waste of alot of life.

Jim

astraboy

I agree, if after 13 years and lots of let downs/broken promises and she still cant see the light then its pretty much a lost cause.
Tell her your opinion, its your duty as her friend, whether she takes it on board is her own lookout.
Paul is right though, some people have their heads too deep in the sand for their own good.
astraboy.

imi

you need to get hold of Chilli Palmer to sort out this bloke..

Scoobychick

iTrader: (1)

I think you've just answered your own question. Give yourself a break, who needs friends like that?

davyboy

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.....................

Steeeeve, Steeeeeve, Steeeeve

scoobyangel

it's not love between them, its your friends obsession with him that makes her go back for more!!

nothing you can say or do will change the situation, (i know, sis in law doing exact same thing!!) you have to let them go do it on their own, and if they **** it all up and lose everything unfortunatly thats what happens (sis in law has lost nealy all her family, friends and almost her job cos of her bloke!!), its not your fault, you did your best to advise her, and if she wont listen then she will learn a lesson a very hard way!

Fuzz

tell her EXACTLY what you feel and what you are thinking. it's your duty as her best freind.
If she listens... great.
But if she doesn't and then snubs you for telling the truth then that should be on her shoulders and she will have to deal with it.
I'd also say something to her along the lines of "Walk away if you like, but don't expect me to still be here to pick up the pieces yet again when it goes **** up, and it WILL go **** up"....

Andy