David Lock

Been clearing out some old files on PC and found this. It probably came from SN originally but perhaps worth a re-post even if super SIAL...


DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.............................................49

Adventurous.................Slept with all your mates

Athletic......................................No t*ts

Average looking...............Has a face like an a*se

Beautiful...........................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills

Educated...................Was f*cked to bits at Uni'

Emotionally Secure......................On medication

Feminist.......................................... Fat

Free spirit....................................Junkie

Friendship first..........................Former sl*t

Fun..........................................Annoy ing

Gentle...........................................D ull

Good Listener................................Autistic

New-Age............................Body hair problems

Old-fashioned..........................No BJs

Open-minded.................................Desperate

Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk

Poet.......................................Depress ive

Professional....................................B* tch

Romantic.......................................Fri gid

Social.....................Fanny like a clowns pocket

Voluptuous...................................Very Fat

Large lady.................................Hugely Fat

boxst

You missed the rest of it:

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

And some for the men....

MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

David Lock

And I recognise most of those!!

Franx

Quality

lmsbman

Words Women Use
FINE ~ This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we
feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to
describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.

FIVE MINUTES ~ This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out
the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING ~ If you ask her what is wrong and she says NOTHING, this
means something and you should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually
used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies
an argument that will last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE.

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) ~ This is a dare. One that will
result in a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the
word FINE.

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) ~ This means "I give up" or "do what you
want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead"
in just a few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will
talk to you in about FIVE MINUTES when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH ~ This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks
you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her
time standing here and arguing with you over NOTHING.

SOFT SIGH ~ Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs"
are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is
content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay
content.

THAT'S OKAY ~ This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think
long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that
you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and
used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point
in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going
to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO ~ This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is
giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you
have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair
chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a
"That's Okay."

THANKS ~ A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say "you're
welcome."

THANKS A LOT ~ This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will
say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It
signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be
followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong
after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."