GaryK

Had this for ages but its very funny if you haven't seen it:

ARIES
you tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't
give a **** about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would ********** at a wedding.

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people beacause your bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of ****.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes on air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real ****ing weirdo, the sort of person who'd kill themselves to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous ******* who would sell a relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leo's are living on welfare.

VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bull****ting and you're a cheap *******. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are ******.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an *******. For your entire life people will make a complete ***** out of you. Noone will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are you only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You always have snot on your clothes.

SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch porography and sex toys. You thrive on incest.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet. A mean self centred c**t and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an alter boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a labrador puppy wearnig fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You are a *****.