Stueyb

Well, kinda got payback for taking a sickie.

Basically, I wasn't feeling on top of the world, so I took the day off but used the opportunity to clean up the back yard a bit.

On returning from the tip the old lady next door (OAP, 80ish or so) comes out crying saying that her husband has been beating her up. So I went round and had a cup of tea and talk to her. He was upstairs in a sulk I presume. I noticed she had strange marks on her hands etc. This isnt the first time this has happened and we do occasionally hear them through the wall. However she also has alzheimers (Sp) so I make sure all is well and leave.

I then rang social services and reported it but they cant do anything until the police are involved. I rang the police (it was bloody hard to find the number, the police.uk site was less than useless) and the woman on the other end just wasnt interested, unless it was going on now. Like WTF ?

So it turned out I had the wrong police station and had to ring again somewhere else. They were a lot more helpful.

They are now going to investigate but I feel so bad because he may NOT be doing anything, but who to believe. I have to live next door to this bloke, and he seems pleasent enough to me. I keep thinking I have done the wrong thing and people will view me as a busybody. I didnt want to be dragged into this, but by the same token I dont want her to be in danger.

Dapster

If he really hasn't done anything, it is very unlikely that he'll be in trouble. You only hear of a very very few occasions where this happens and not the many times where the evidence is obvious and every ones is satisfied.

On the other hand, you don't want a beaten up old dear on your conscience.

I think you did the right thing.

Manda_po

Again, if you hadn't done anything, it would have done your head in. You cannot give any actual evidence of any assault so I wouldn't worry too much, leave it to the people who deal with this sort of thing day in, day out.

tiggers

In my opinion you've done exactly the right thing. My friends had a similar, but less serious situation with their neighbours. The old man (90) was going blind and his wife would go away an leave him for a couple of days at a time. My friends eventually reported the whole thing to Social Services.

They felt awful, but a few weeks later someone from Social Services spoke to them about it and said they had done the right thing. The old lady hadn't really realised the gravity of her husband's condition and Social Services were helping them sort the situation out. They said that they rely on people to report things like this as otherwise they'd never be able to step in.

Anyway hope this makes you feel a bit better.

tiggers.

mj

"However she also has alzheimers"

This may not mean that you live next door to some wife beating fiend, if she's 80 then he can't be far ahead or behind in terms of age. Perhaps its something he struggles to deal with because of a similar illness, and his frustration is sending out the wrong signals?

Fair play in ringing the social, sounds like they need help.
Don't be shy of getting involved if you can genuinley help them.

hades

Could be all kinds of things. I remember when my Grandad had alzheimers and parkinsons, early stages he occasionally did strange things and got violent with inanimate objects (i.e. never took anything out on people), and eventually became too much for my Grandmother (who was 80 something and a foot shorter than him too) to cope with. It ended up being the best thing for him to go into hospital for the last year or so - for much of that year, there was nothing of the "real" him left, all delusions etc.

Could be that the woman did it herself, could be that she is becoming too much for her husband to cope with and he flipped out, could be a lot of things - no-one on here is in a position to say for certain. However, from my experience, I'd say that someone that age trying to cope with a loved one with alzheimers will need some help, so no question you did the right thing giving the authorities an opportunity to provide that help. Whether they will deal with it the best way is hard to say - I've seen both sides of that fence in the past too - but if they don't know about it, there would be no chance of them doing the right thing.

Leslie

I think you did right although these situations can often be very different to how they look. Very difficult caring for an Alzheimer case and sometimes the patience can be stretched a very long way. Maybe they both need some help and your action may make things easier from both people's point of view.

Les

jowl

I'd say you did the right thing.

Of course, he she has alzeimers, it could bethe other way around....when my Nan started with it she used to hit out at my grandad. He'd have massive bruises all over his arms.

David Lock

I know from direct experience that Alzheimer sufferers can be quite violent and with a strength that defies age. I assume that her/their GP is aware of her condition and it sounds like someone (social services, you, police??) should be having a quiet word with GP to keep him in the picture. GP would then be able to call in social services if he thought it necessary. D

Edited to add the blindingly obvious - do neighbours have family e.g son or daughter that you could contact?