other

Right... ok.. I know this site is becoming a bit of a problem page but please bear with me. Got a mate whos away travelling and has been away a year. In this time i've become very close to this girl (i'm a boy). We spend a lot of time together, doing couple type stuff but we're not actually together. Now over the last few months i've really started to like this girl, more than before.

Heres where it gets tricky.. she is going out with the mate whos away (or supposed to be). Although sometimes i think she is with him for convenience and because she doesnt want to be single.

Now obviously in the outset we were just friends and I'm pretty sure that she thinks that because of my mate whos away, I will naturally not ever even think of trying it on with her. So she thinks of us as friends.

Question is... do i tell her how i feel?? Or just let it go??

Thing is.. I know if i don't, i'll regret it in the long run. But if i do then it could just make things awkward. So any females want to comment??

Thanks guys and girls

eClaire

How much do you value your friendship with your mate?

If the answer to that is 'not very much', then have a go. But remember - your mates are always there, girls will come and go

sti-04!!

Male comment here - Tell her you never get unless you ask is my motto(sp?)

If you dont you will regret for the rest of your days & keep kicking yourself everytime you think about her

Got a few mates that have done the same

HTH

Stephen

other

well this supposed mate of mine used to be a very good mate, but bearing in mind I havent spoken to him in a year and he didn't even contact me for my birthday (unlike all my other friends around the world) ... I'm starting to not really care. I'm more concerned with what she'll say than him?

daisy

when's your mate back from his travels?

other

thanks sti-04... i'm thinking i may regret it too

He's supposed to be back within a few weeks.. so its been almost a year

Gordo

Make a move when both drunk - watever happens, you can both chat about it afterwards, put it down to drink and either progress or agree to never mention it again

eClaire

Yeah, but mates are like that. I have mates I haven't spoken to in ages, yet they know I will always be there for them if they need anything and they are the same, just because we don't speak everyday doesn't mean when they're not around I'd try to get my leg over cos I fancied their boyfriend!

What about when he comes back? He would be a bit miffed to find out his bird and his mate got it together when he was travelling!!

When is he back? If you really do feel for the girl maybe its worth speaking to her about it discreetly after he is back so she knows how she really feels. It could be difficult after him being away so long - poor girl won't know how she feels!!

other

ok thanks claire... that was the girlie opinion that i expected. Its not quite the " trying to get my leg over" . I really like this girl, I don't just wanna sleep with her. Maybe the question should have been then.. should i just stop seeing her?? Cos if i do nothing then in the long run its gonna be me that gets hurt out of this.

daisy

why don't you wait til he's back then see how they get on? Bet he'd be dead chuffed to find you'd made a move just before he came home . On the other hand if you just can't help yourself............. . From what you say though, she doesn't seem to share your feelings, so why risk two good friendships?

Neanderthal

iTrader: (6)

why not ask her how she's feeling about the imminent return of your mate? then depending on what she says take it from there. i.e if she says she can't wait, she's missed him so much then I doubt your feelings will be recipricated (sp?).

other

ok thanks for some peoples replies.. its an awkward situation and from some of the comments i know that it doesn't make me exactly sound like a good person.

All i can say in my defence is that I didn't plan for it to turn out this way and i'm just trying to avoid getting hurt myself but also don't want any regrets. I've got enough of them to last me with missed opportunities and i don't want any more.

Wurzel

iTrader: (1)

Don't do anything until you have discussed it with your mate in detail and made sure that he is ok with it, I am currently going through the same thing but I am the one with the girlfriend or should I say had the girlfriend, now there are currently 3 of us all upset about the whole thing, I have no GF anymore I also have no friend anymore and my now exfriend still doesn't have a GF so because of one stupid action of a mate whos head was overruled by his dick 3 lives are in tatters and there is going to be lots of patches that are going to need applying over time.

STi wanna Subaru

iTrader: (1)

Sh!tting on your mates is the worst thing you can do IMHO. Women come and go but your mates are there for life

other

Sorry to hear of your problem Wurzel, can i ask you an honest question though...

What would you have said if your mate had come up to you and tried to discuss it with you?? Would you have just told him to F.O?

Richard Askew

Dont park your car in a mates garage

mad_dr

I reckon she sees you as an unthreatening mate who she can talk to and pour her heart out to. So many people (us blokes usually) blindly misread signals given out by women.

She may say that you're the nicest person in the world and that she can really connect with you - it doesn't mean she wants to go out with you. She's probably never thought of you as anything but a mate, but you could have taken your desire for her and projected it onto her and think that she feels the same about you.

If she liked you, you'd KNOW... She'd have made sure of it...

Mind you - any bloke who leaves his girl FOR A YEAR and goes off round the world, probably doesn't like his girl as much as she thinks...

All IMHO of course...

Wurzel

iTrader: (1)

I would have discussed it ith him man to man but my situation was a bit on the tricky side and I honestly didn't know what had been going on. But it all started about 6 months ago when he started flirting with her in a drunken state, as he was a mate I was not bothered, but my GF has recently told me that she was pi55ed off with me for letting him do it. Anyway they have been emailing, texting and MSN chatting to each other since then, I also knew about this and again was not botherd by it as he lives 220km in Munich and we are in Stuttgart.

Anyway she dumped me 3 days before the German WRC and started seeing him almost immediately.

I thought it was just a phase and I could get her back by changing abit and not being so lazy and taking her a bit for granted but it turns out it is not to be but basically the bottom line is she never spoke to me about it until she dumped me and he never said anything to me either, the German WRC weekend was the worst weekend of my life to date.

So if you value your friendship with this Bloke then find out from the girl if she has any intentions on splitting up with him and damn well make sure you discuss it with your mate long and hard. Like it has already been said mates are for life girlfriends can come and go, who is to say that she splits up and goes with you then you lose your mate and amonth down the line she gets fed up with you then all 3 of you are upset and it has all been needlessly.

Sorry to be airing my dirty laundry in public but I think I am in a good position to explain things.

Leslie

True friendship goes with loyalty. If you go over the top with this girl even if he never gets to know about it, you will have to cope with your own conscience.

You don't have to make a move on her so just keep off and see what happens after he returns. eClaire and Wurzel have given you good advice. That way you don't risk losing them both or getting hurt as you say. It is also the right way to behave of course.

Les

Richard Askew

FPMSL@Steve

Shame its so serious

eClaire

Popcorn anyone?

STi wanna Subaru

iTrader: (1)

Was just thinking the same thing myself

Chris L

Guys - you know who you are. I know you both and I'm sure you will both regret carrying out these actions in public. Both posts have been deleted. I'm not here to take sides, but I don't want this turning into a huge flame war and it is also totally off topic regarding other's original post.

Please take it offline and I hope you sort things out.

Chris

Manda_po

Good advice.

Re-Bitten Hero

Thanks Chris, and you're totally right.

Back to the main topic please everyone...

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

It seems she still thinks she's going out with him.

I bet he didn't think that whilst he was away.

I'd give it a few months, there's a high probability the relationship will be over quickly. If it isn't then by waiting you've saved yourself a knockback and an orkward situation with your mate.

jowl

I always think that I'd rather regret doing something than regret NOT doing it.

thats why I'm buying a scooby! I'd rather regret buying it and not being able to afford it than go through life wondering "what If?" or always thinking "I wish I'd have owned an impreza when I had the chance"

vindaloo

Talk to her. Otherwise you run the risk of 'accidentally sh*gging' her. AKA the scene where you both wake up in the same bed after a good night out. After this point things usually spiral out of control.....