EdwardMaxwell

sorry guys for turning to fellow scoobynetters but i use this forum lots and am posting in disguise - has anyone used one of these services before, have been with the wife for 4 years - married for 15 months and she is now having what i would call a mid life crisis- doesnt want to start resenting our marrage cos it hasnt allowed to do certain things she's not done, rented and lived with the girls etc .................says she doesnt know if she wants to be married at the moment - we both still agree that we love each other - she swears blind its not a case of the grass in greener on the other side and their is no-one else involved. she has suggested moving out to give her some space- i personally dont see that as dealing with the issues, more running away from them and not a positive step - am really in a clueless state as what to do - and cant understand why its all of a sudden turned to this -

what do these relate type poeple do - ? anyone found them usefull ?

r32

Sorry to ask, but are you sure she hasnt found some one else? I hope not, did you marry young?

Wanting space is usually an excuse, try talking this through, difficult time and I really do feel for you......

Ringpeas

Sounds like she is frustrated or depressed about something.

A nice holiday together may help bring it all out into the open, unless the problems are over lack of money.

Trashman

They listen mate, offer advice in the form of getting YOU to suggest what to do next, offer sources of information.

Common misconception that they'll sort your life out, take sides or tell you what to do. Also misconception that its for just 'Relationship' problems.

They don't take sides, it's confidential and I found beneficial for why I went there. Go on your own or with your wife - it can work even on your own.


ooops [Disguise mode on].

andypugh2000

I remember my mrs wanting space so i showed her the door, there is plenty of space out there i told her, never saw her again.

I treat relationships like a tea cup, if cracks start showing then throw it.

milo

and are you single now, or in a relationship?

while i agree wholeheatedly with what you're saying regarding showing someone the door if they want space, some relationships ARE worth working at and saving.

Iwan

Top advice. A mate of mine is curently "giving his bird some space", which roughly translates to "she does whatever she wants (for the last 8 months) while he pays all the bills like a sucker"

Same here. As Robert De Nero says in Ronin "if there is doubt, then there is no doubt".

*Sonic*

I went to Relate, and definatly worth it in my case

they put everything into perspective, and opened my eyes a bit, and enabled me to move on etc, never really looked back

btw I went on my own, as the relationship was pretty much over at that point

DavidBrown

What does she expect to achieve from moving out, other than to distance you from her ? Which says it all.

andypugh2000

I am in a relationship now due to be married, known her for 7 years and she is a "good find", never wants space, we agree on most things, have the same interests and and if im drunk she will offer me another beer I found katie after a few relationships and they all eventually showed cracks after the first couple of years cos they weren't meant to be, as i said in my previous post if its got a crack in it throw it, move on there is someone out there for everyone.

andy

imlach

We have friends who used them - they had 2 kids, and got in a rut, presumably from too much work, kids ruling their lives, not enough time for each other.

They went 2 years ago, and seem to have rekindled their relationship - was a good outlet for getting their issues with each other out in the open without bickering.

They now have a 3rd child on the way, and seem happier than ever.

Just felt I had to balance out the negative stories!!!

andypugh2000

Yes when kids are involved i agree on getting the glue out and mending the cup, but if you are single i would just throw it.

ariel

First you have a trial separation to allow her space and when it succeeds you make it pemanent. Why not shortcut all the heartache and tell her to be on her way?

Geezer

A few couples I know have split up over the last few years. Each time the woman has said that absolutely there is no one else involved, but funnily enough, it always transpires that there was.

I would say that this one is already lost. If she is telling the truth (yeah, right) and you persuade her to stay, the resentment will surely re-surface in a few years time, and there may be kids involved then.

Geezer