friday funny
10 October 2003, 01:50 PM
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Pirate walks into a bar and orders a pint. The bartender obliges him, then notes the huge bulge in the pirates pants.
He can't resist and asks: "Hey mate, is that a steering wheel you got in your pants?!"
Pirate: "Yarr! It's drivin' meeh nuts!"
He can't resist and asks: "Hey mate, is that a steering wheel you got in your pants?!"
Pirate: "Yarr! It's drivin' meeh nuts!"
10 October 2003, 02:03 PM
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Man walked into a dentists.
"Can I help you?" said the Dentist
"I think I'm a moth" said the man.
"You need a psychiatrist not a dentist"
Yes, I know that" said the man
"Well what did you come in here for? asked the Dentist
"Your light was on"
"Can I help you?" said the Dentist
"I think I'm a moth" said the man.
"You need a psychiatrist not a dentist"
Yes, I know that" said the man
"Well what did you come in here for? asked the Dentist
"Your light was on"
10 October 2003, 02:06 PM
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Staying with the pirate theme, although God knows why 
One day a Pirate and a bartender were talking to each other in a bar. The Bartender asked the pirate "Where did ya get that peg leg from?"
The Pirate responded " We were sailing the seas when a big ol' shark came up to me while I was swimmin' and bit off me leg."
Later the Bartender asked "Where did you get that hook then?"
The pirate responded "Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone."
The bartender then asked " Then where did ya get the eye patch from?"
The pirate said " In a harbor I looked at a gull flying over head and it took a dump right in me eye."
The bartender was puzzled and asked the pirate, "How would that make you get an eye patch?"
The pirate responded, "First day with the hook."
One day a Pirate and a bartender were talking to each other in a bar. The Bartender asked the pirate "Where did ya get that peg leg from?"
The Pirate responded " We were sailing the seas when a big ol' shark came up to me while I was swimmin' and bit off me leg."
Later the Bartender asked "Where did you get that hook then?"
The pirate responded "Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone."
The bartender then asked " Then where did ya get the eye patch from?"
The pirate said " In a harbor I looked at a gull flying over head and it took a dump right in me eye."
The bartender was puzzled and asked the pirate, "How would that make you get an eye patch?"
The pirate responded, "First day with the hook."
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10 October 2003, 02:14 PM
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Seems like I've been there already ..the pub that is
Three Drunk Women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early hours of the morning and went home their separate ways.
The next day,they all met up and compared notes about who was drunker the night before, the first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying "I went straight home, walked into the house and as soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes".
The second said, "You think that was drunk, hell I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I came across and I don't even have any insurance".
The third proclaimed, "Damn I was the drunkest by far, when I got home I had a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burnt the whole house down".
The room fell silent, then the first girl spoke out again
"Girls, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my DOG."
Three Drunk Women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early hours of the morning and went home their separate ways.
The next day,they all met up and compared notes about who was drunker the night before, the first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying "I went straight home, walked into the house and as soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes".
The second said, "You think that was drunk, hell I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I came across and I don't even have any insurance".
The third proclaimed, "Damn I was the drunkest by far, when I got home I had a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burnt the whole house down".
The room fell silent, then the first girl spoke out again
"Girls, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my DOG."
10 October 2003, 02:25 PM
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Its a fact that 90% of women at some time in their life have intelligent DNA in them..................unfortunately most of them spit it out
mickey mouse and mini mouse are getting divorced, they end up in court and micky is asked to approach the judge.
The judge says "mickey, i can't grant the divorce on the fact your wife has buck teeth"
mickey says" i never said she had buckteeth i said she was ******* goofy!
mickey mouse and mini mouse are getting divorced, they end up in court and micky is asked to approach the judge.
The judge says "mickey, i can't grant the divorce on the fact your wife has buck teeth"
mickey says" i never said she had buckteeth i said she was ******* goofy!
10 October 2003, 02:58 PM
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Bloke walks into pub.
The cigarette machine shouts at him, "Your mother's a ***** and you look like ****!".
He walks over to the bar and a bowl of peanuts on the bar says, "Just ignore him sir - you look magnificent."
He says to the barman, "What's that all about?"
Barman says, "The cigarette machine's out of order and the nuts are complimentary."
The cigarette machine shouts at him, "Your mother's a ***** and you look like ****!".
He walks over to the bar and a bowl of peanuts on the bar says, "Just ignore him sir - you look magnificent."
He says to the barman, "What's that all about?"
Barman says, "The cigarette machine's out of order and the nuts are complimentary."
10 October 2003, 03:32 PM
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A brain and a jump lead walk into a bar and ask for a couple of pints. The bar man refuses to serve them. When the brain asks why they aren't getting served, the barman says, "Well, you're out of your head and your mate looks like he's gonna start something"
10 October 2003, 03:43 PM
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A guy walks into a bar with an amphibian on his shoulder.
"A pint for me and a pint for Tiny", he says.
"Ok", replies the bar man, "but why do you call him Tiny?"
"Cos he's my nute!"
"A pint for me and a pint for Tiny", he says.
"Ok", replies the bar man, "but why do you call him Tiny?"
"Cos he's my nute!"
.
10 October 2003, 04:50 PM
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Blatantly plagerised from muppets the other week, but hey ho....
Thre cowboys wre sat round a camp fire bragging..
The first cowboys says " I'm so fcukin tough, last week I took on 20 injuns with just a pistol...and I only got shot once"
The second cowboys says " I'm so fcukin tough, last week I took on 30 injuns with just a knife...and I didn't even get a scratch"
Both cowbys then turned to the third cowbow, who said nothing........................................
......he just carried on stoking the fire with his ****.
Thre cowboys wre sat round a camp fire bragging..
The first cowboys says " I'm so fcukin tough, last week I took on 20 injuns with just a pistol...and I only got shot once"
The second cowboys says " I'm so fcukin tough, last week I took on 30 injuns with just a knife...and I didn't even get a scratch"
Both cowbys then turned to the third cowbow, who said nothing........................................
......he just carried on stoking the fire with his ****.
10 October 2003, 05:44 PM
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A recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. And if she is menstruating, she is likely to prefer a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his temple and a cricket stump jammed up his ****.
Further studies are expected.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. And if she is menstruating, she is likely to prefer a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his temple and a cricket stump jammed up his ****.
Further studies are expected.
10 October 2003, 10:18 PM
#24
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....or:
Q. How do you stop a girl giving you head?
A. Ask her to marry you.
Q. What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris?
A. A bloke will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.
Q. How do you stop a girl giving you head?
A. Ask her to marry you.
Q. What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris?
A. A bloke will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.
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