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Pirate walks into a bar and orders a pint. The bartender obliges him, then notes the huge bulge in the pirates pants.
He can't resist and asks: "Hey mate, is that a steering wheel you got in your pants?!" Pirate: "Yarr! It's drivin' meeh nuts!" :D |
Why a pirate tho? :)
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coz pirates are cool
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why a steering wheel though :confused:
has anyone got any simpler jokes - i'm too knackered for this complicated humour. |
Man walked into a dentists.
"Can I help you?" said the Dentist "I think I'm a moth" said the man. "You need a psychiatrist not a dentist" Yes, I know that" said the man "Well what did you come in here for? asked the Dentist "Your light was on" |
Staying with the pirate theme, although God knows why :)
One day a Pirate and a bartender were talking to each other in a bar. The Bartender asked the pirate "Where did ya get that peg leg from?" The Pirate responded " We were sailing the seas when a big ol' shark came up to me while I was swimmin' and bit off me leg." Later the Bartender asked "Where did you get that hook then?" The pirate responded "Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone." The bartender then asked " Then where did ya get the eye patch from?" The pirate said " In a harbor I looked at a gull flying over head and it took a dump right in me eye." The bartender was puzzled and asked the pirate, "How would that make you get an eye patch?" The pirate responded, "First day with the hook." :D |
dentist one is :cool:
i want some even more stupid ones. but most of all i want beer |
There's a pub near me that sells that stuff :)
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Seems like I've been there already ..the pub that is :D
Three Drunk Women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early hours of the morning and went home their separate ways. The next day,they all met up and compared notes about who was drunker the night before, the first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying "I went straight home, walked into the house and as soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes". The second said, "You think that was drunk, hell I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I came across and I don't even have any insurance". The third proclaimed, "Damn I was the drunkest by far, when I got home I had a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burnt the whole house down". The room fell silent, then the first girl spoke out again "Girls, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my DOG." |
hmmmm - they sell beer in pubs, huh? better get myself out of this place and into one of those.
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Its a fact that 90% of women at some time in their life have intelligent DNA in them..................unfortunately most of them spit it out :D
mickey mouse and mini mouse are getting divorced, they end up in court and micky is asked to approach the judge. The judge says "mickey, i can't grant the divorce on the fact your wife has buck teeth" mickey says" i never said she had buckteeth i said she was fcuking goofy! :D |
Bloke walks into pub.
The cigarette machine shouts at him, "Your mother's a whore and you look like sh1t!". He walks over to the bar and a bowl of peanuts on the bar says, "Just ignore him sir - you look magnificent." He says to the barman, "What's that all about?" Barman says, "The cigarette machine's out of order and the nuts are complimentary." |
lmao @ these jokes :D
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A brain and a jump lead walk into a bar and ask for a couple of pints. The bar man refuses to serve them. When the brain asks why they aren't getting served, the barman says, "Well, you're out of your head and your mate looks like he's gonna start something"
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A guy walks into a bar with an amphibian on his shoulder.
"A pint for me and a pint for Tiny", he says. "Ok", replies the bar man, "but why do you call him Tiny?" "Cos he's my nute!" |
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There's two goldfish in a tank and ones says to the other.......
I'll be F**cked if I know to drive this!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Ade:D |
:D I don't know why it's a pirate either
UB;) |
I popped to the doctors this afternoon as I had a strawberry growing on my arse.
he said.. "I've got some cream for that" :D |
Blatantly plagerised from muppets the other week, but hey ho....;)
Thre cowboys wre sat round a camp fire bragging.. The first cowboys says " I'm so fcukin tough, last week I took on 20 injuns with just a pistol...and I only got shot once" The second cowboys says " I'm so fcukin tough, last week I took on 30 injuns with just a knife...and I didn't even get a scratch" Both cowbys then turned to the third cowbow, who said nothing........................................ ......he just carried on stoking the fire with his c0ck. |
Two budgies on a Perch, One said to the other "can you smell something fishy"?
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A recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. And if she is menstruating, she is likely to prefer a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his temple and a cricket stump jammed up his arse. Further studies are expected. |
What cake puts women off sex?
Wedding cake Why is the bride smiling when she walks down the aisle? She knows that she has given her last blow job! Oldies I know...... |
....or:
Q. How do you stop a girl giving you head? A. Ask her to marry you. Q. What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris? A. A bloke will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball. |
When i was making my breakfast this morning,i thought i spotted your name on a loaf of bread!!!!!!
But when i looked closer it said "Thick cut"!!!!!!!! |
Hippies are drowning regularly because nobody will rescue them - too far out!
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why was the biscuit crying
coz his mum had been a wafer so long.... |
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