Bob Hope One-liners.
28 July 2003, 05:24 PM
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Here are some of the one-liners over the years which helped to make Bob Hope the incomparable comic that he was :
"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. That's when it's time for my nap."
"Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens."
"I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty."
"There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood."
"It gave dirty politics a bad name." - on the Watergate affair.
"I always like to go to Washington DC. It gives me a chance to visit my money." - On touring the US Treasury.
"My folks were English. They were too poor to be British. I still have a bit of British in me. In fact, my blood type is solid marmalade."
"The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie - and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark..."
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf."
"It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing." - On travelling in Concorde.
"Lots of travel, away from home." - Explaining his long and happy marriage.
"I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else." - At the age of 91.
"I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support."
"If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it." - Denying reports during a Christmas troop show in Saigon that he was worth 500 million dollars.
"Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless." - On hearing about his 1998 knighthood.
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."
"I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe."
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it."
"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live."
"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom."
"She said she was approaching 40 and I couldn't help wondering from what direction."
"If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble."
"You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."
"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. That's when it's time for my nap."
"Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens."
"I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty."
"There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood."
"It gave dirty politics a bad name." - on the Watergate affair.
"I always like to go to Washington DC. It gives me a chance to visit my money." - On touring the US Treasury.
"My folks were English. They were too poor to be British. I still have a bit of British in me. In fact, my blood type is solid marmalade."
"The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie - and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark..."
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf."
"It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing." - On travelling in Concorde.
"Lots of travel, away from home." - Explaining his long and happy marriage.
"I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else." - At the age of 91.
"I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support."
"If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it." - Denying reports during a Christmas troop show in Saigon that he was worth 500 million dollars.
"Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless." - On hearing about his 1998 knighthood.
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."
"I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe."
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it."
"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live."
"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom."
"She said she was approaching 40 and I couldn't help wondering from what direction."
"If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble."
"You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."
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