GF giving me grief !
09 July 2003, 10:09 AM
#2
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and the older I get the more precious those moments of pure childlike fun become to me.
I got divorced when I was 30 and what you descibed was a contributory factor in my downfall.
09 July 2003, 10:11 AM
#4
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I wouldn't mind doing DIY, etc... If my missus would bloody leave me alone to get on with it without hovering over me and getting in my way... 
...I only do it for her sake anyway!!!
That's what leads to the *ahem* arguments in our house... [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img]
...I only do it for her sake anyway!!!
That's what leads to the *ahem* arguments in our house... [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img]
09 July 2003, 10:44 AM
#6
if you feel like you are compromising your life for someone else then something is wrong.
if your not happy with the situation, change it (easy to say, hard to do)
best of luck
if your not happy with the situation, change it (easy to say, hard to do)
best of luck
09 July 2003, 10:45 AM
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LOL! Beig told to grow up at the age of 34 is quality.
If you met me you'd think I was very 'grown up' in most respects - I don't resemble a 'closet' surf-beachbum-student-dosser. I'm self-employed, self-made, earn approx. 50k a year and if anything am too serious and not chilled enough.
It's just the feeling of not having enough hours in the week to do the things I 'have' to do, and the things I 'want' to do. Consequently most of the time the things I 'have' to do wins anyway, and as a result my sport/hobbies/fitness seem to get progressively side-lined the older I get. This is what gets me down - and I let it show which then p*sses my partner off.
I don't know maybe I should just roll over and stop kicking against it...
If you met me you'd think I was very 'grown up' in most respects - I don't resemble a 'closet' surf-beachbum-student-dosser. I'm self-employed, self-made, earn approx. 50k a year and if anything am too serious and not chilled enough.
It's just the feeling of not having enough hours in the week to do the things I 'have' to do, and the things I 'want' to do. Consequently most of the time the things I 'have' to do wins anyway, and as a result my sport/hobbies/fitness seem to get progressively side-lined the older I get. This is what gets me down - and I let it show which then p*sses my partner off.
I don't know maybe I should just roll over and stop kicking against it...
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09 July 2003, 10:58 AM
#8
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fooking ell - £50k a year - pay some other poor sap who'll be glad of the money to do the work - DIY, Gardener etc and sod the work... enjoy yourself. (is'nt what you earn it for?)
I get the impression that your girlfriend doesn'nt partake in any of your 'playing' sessions so she isn't involved.... I would also guess she's a bit bored/jealous of your mates & social life.
IMHO
I get the impression that your girlfriend doesn'nt partake in any of your 'playing' sessions so she isn't involved.... I would also guess she's a bit bored/jealous of your mates & social life.
IMHO
09 July 2003, 11:02 AM
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in that case it strikes me that you are not really happy being in a relationship that means making sacrifices. You want it all your own way. Nothing wrong with that I guess, just you need to make a choice about what you want to do
I've just had a new baby and there's loads of things I can't do anymore. things just change as you get older and things progress
You can't live like you are twenty something for ever
I've just had a new baby and there's loads of things I can't do anymore. things just change as you get older and things progress
You can't live like you are twenty something for ever
09 July 2003, 11:30 AM
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Get a cleaner, hire a painter /decorator / gardener etc. It seems you and your girlfriend can afford it. Does she have any hobbies / persuits? I wouldn't necessarily stop playing hard at weekends, but just balance your personal hobbies (living in each others pockets is bad IMO) with some quality relationship enjoyment.
If all else fails send her shopping with your money
If all else fails send her shopping with your money
09 July 2003, 11:49 AM
#13
Hmm..
Strikes a bit of a cord this one, 'cept mine is the wife
We do housework during the week, washing, tidying, shopping etc & we probably do equal dibs, though we both have different views on that
Then, come the week-end, it should be chill-out time but it always seems to be me more bloody housework Get the day out the way & then its tidying up again - never ends...
I totally resent it & do not wish to spend my life tidying the freaking house! Then DIY things & that includes mowing the grass, are not a prob for me, but it causes her resentment because its not something that Ez can generally get involved with, so she gets the hump with me wanting to do it as she has to look after her. FFS the grass needs cutting every other week & it takes 90 mins only but I'm made to feel guilty 
Tidy the garage "Why tidy the garage when you could tidy the house!"
We don't have many hobbies in common but when you've been working all week, you want to be able to relax a tad at the w/end & not have to worry about things like housework so much, so I can totally see where you're coming from.
Strikes a bit of a cord this one, 'cept mine is the wife
We do housework during the week, washing, tidying, shopping etc & we probably do equal dibs, though we both have different views on that
Then, come the week-end, it should be chill-out time but it always seems to be me more bloody housework
Get the day out the way & then its tidying up again - never ends...I totally resent it & do not wish to spend my life tidying the freaking house! Then DIY things & that includes mowing the grass, are not a prob for me, but it causes her resentment because its not something that Ez can generally get involved with, so she gets the hump with me wanting to do it as she has to look after her. FFS the grass needs cutting every other week & it takes 90 mins only
but I'm made to feel guilty Tidy the garage "Why tidy the garage when you could tidy the house!"We don't have many hobbies in common but when you've been working all week, you want to be able to relax a tad at the w/end & not have to worry about things like housework so much, so I can totally see where you're coming from.
09 July 2003, 11:51 AM
#14
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Sit down and have a serious chat with her.
I'm like you. When not at work, I like to play
There are always going to be issues but you really do need to find the happy medium with your other half.
If after you both put your cards on the table there are still issues, you need to look at the long term future.
Regardless of who you end up with, they will always find something not to like about you
Gardening. How often do you really have to do it?
Housework, meet her half way. Do something, even if its putting the bog seat down and not sprinkling
.
I'm like you. When not at work, I like to play
There are always going to be issues but you really do need to find the happy medium with your other half.
If after you both put your cards on the table there are still issues, you need to look at the long term future.
Regardless of who you end up with, they will always find something not to like about you
Gardening. How often do you really have to do it?
Housework, meet her half way. Do something, even if its putting the bog seat down and not sprinkling
.
09 July 2003, 11:55 AM
#15
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LOL at Carpet Cleaner! Nice 'sign-off' on all your posts.
I can see your epitaph now:
Here lies Carpet Cleaner,
He has departed this mortal coil,
And is now little more than worm feed,
Harsh but true!
Have to say things are great in 'that' department btw
Nice 'sign-off' on all your posts.I can see your epitaph now:
Here lies Carpet Cleaner,
He has departed this mortal coil,
And is now little more than worm feed,
Harsh but true!
Have to say things are great in 'that' department btw
09 July 2003, 12:00 PM
#16
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cheers Blip
I say things how I see it, often harsh but true
Compatibility in the sack is to be treasured. Weeding the garden Sat afternoon in return for a great **** in the evening sounds a perfectly good trade off to me
I say things how I see it, often harsh but true
Compatibility in the sack is to be treasured. Weeding the garden Sat afternoon in return for a great **** in the evening sounds a perfectly good trade off to me
09 July 2003, 12:01 PM
#17
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i think youre being a bit selfish....but i can understand not wanting to spend the weekend cleaning.
however...if she took on your attitude and stopped doing the housework...would you enjoy living in a pig sty????
im in a similar predicament with my bloke. i seem to clean the house from top to bottom every week while he claims that doing the washing up when its his turn is enough.
a relationship is about doing things together as a team...not one person doing everything and one person having the social life they want. thats just not fair.
either come to a compromise....or dont be in a relationship.
harsh but true
however...if she took on your attitude and stopped doing the housework...would you enjoy living in a pig sty????
im in a similar predicament with my bloke. i seem to clean the house from top to bottom every week while he claims that doing the washing up when its his turn is enough.
a relationship is about doing things together as a team...not one person doing everything and one person having the social life they want. thats just not fair.
either come to a compromise....or dont be in a relationship.
harsh but true
09 July 2003, 12:18 PM
#23
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Become a selfish ****, compromise for absolutely no-one unless you unconditionally love them to bits ( otherwise you will create immense conflict in your own head.. )
And if you are worried where your next **** is coming from then you're on 50k a year FFS so dump your morals and pay someone or just live off scraps
Works for me (living on scraps that is )
Happy Si
And if you are worried where your next **** is coming from then you're on 50k a year FFS
so dump your morals and pay someone or just live off scraps Works for me (living on scraps that is
) Happy Si
09 July 2003, 12:25 PM
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I've been through this with the GF
Same symptoms both contributing towards our downfall.
One solution was to set aside a specific time during the week to do a 'coupley' thing. e.g On Thursday, dinner in posh resteraunt or cinema.
Found it very hard to find a joint hobby that she could keep up with and I would be remotely interested in and NOT embarassed.
Don't live for the weekend.
Same symptoms
both contributing towards our downfall. One solution was to set aside a specific time during the week to do a 'coupley' thing. e.g On Thursday, dinner in posh resteraunt or cinema.
Found it very hard to find a joint hobby that she could keep up with and I would be remotely interested in and NOT embarassed.
Don't live for the weekend.
09 July 2003, 12:38 PM
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The cleaner thing certainly seems to be popular (and sensible! )
Thing is - Cleaning is dull. Other option? Live in a mess/diry etc. Not good.
So - cleaning needs to be done, she probably hates it as much as you, but you get to go and have fun and she's left doing it (well, that's the way I read it), which isn't really fair 
I'd have to back the others up and either help her, do half each, then you can both go and have fun or get someone in to do it for you. Sorted
) Thing is - Cleaning is dull. Other option? Live in a mess/diry etc. Not good.
So - cleaning needs to be done, she probably hates it as much as you, but you get to go and have fun and she's left doing it (well, that's the way I read it
), which isn't really fair I'd have to back the others up and either help her, do half each, then you can both go and have fun
or get someone in to do it for you. Sorted
09 July 2003, 12:45 PM
#29
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I'm the same as Blip, I don't do housework or DIY very often and it upsets the Mrs, but it's not 'cos she's the wrong person, I wouldn't do that stuff if I was single (and yes, I'd happily live in a pig sty ).
My main argument is that most of the mess is hers anyway, she's very untidy whereas I'm only moderately untidy
).My main argument is that most of the mess is hers anyway, she's very untidy whereas I'm only moderately untidy
09 July 2003, 12:58 PM
#30
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Well I can comment on this one.
Her indoors is a riht miserable moody, stropy, attention seeking mental wreck and I need to get rid.
I want to be single. I want to be able to go out with my mates without feeling guilty/her getting a strop on cause she aint got any mates. I want to be able to just geek out if I want too.
The most underhand thing though is that I pay ~£600 PCM for all the bills, mortgage, council tax etc etc and she feels kin hard done to when she buys the bloody £35 shopping at Asda ! Ok she only get £130 a week after tax but ffs.
Then she says things and obviously changes her mind and then tells me that "thats not what she said" when it bloody was. She always must know *everything* that im doing etc etc.
Basically I need to get shot quick. I actually enjoy coming to work at the mo.
She doesn't seem to grasp the idea that everyone needs space away etc. I get 8 hours a week if im lucky
Does that make anyone feel a tad better ?
Ps How do you throw a nut job out the house and tell her its over without bein too nasty
Her indoors is a riht miserable moody, stropy, attention seeking mental wreck and I need to get rid.
I want to be single. I want to be able to go out with my mates without feeling guilty/her getting a strop on cause she aint got any mates. I want to be able to just geek out if I want too.
The most underhand thing though is that I pay ~£600 PCM for all the bills, mortgage, council tax etc etc and she feels kin hard done to when she buys the bloody £35 shopping at Asda ! Ok she only get £130 a week after tax but ffs.
Then she says things and obviously changes her mind and then tells me that "thats not what she said" when it bloody was. She always must know *everything* that im doing etc etc.
Basically I need to get shot quick. I actually enjoy coming to work at the mo.
She doesn't seem to grasp the idea that everyone needs space away etc. I get 8 hours a week if im lucky
Does that make anyone feel a tad better ?
Ps How do you throw a nut job out the house and tell her its over without bein too nasty