Joke - an old one, still made me laugh
23 June 2003, 10:58 PM
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blonde in flight
A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’m staying right here.”
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’m staying right here.”
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won’t listen to reason.
The pilot says, “I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I have learned to speak ‘blonde.”
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she
gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight
attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her
move without any fuss. >
“I told her First Class isn’t going to Montreal.”
A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’m staying right here.”
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’m staying right here.”
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won’t listen to reason.
The pilot says, “I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I have learned to speak ‘blonde.”
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she
gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight
attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her
move without any fuss. >
“I told her First Class isn’t going to Montreal.”
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23 June 2003, 11:08 PM
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and did you get this REALLY old one
A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 20 inch *****, ********* 3 lbs each, Turner Brown”.
The small guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him round by slapping his face.
Are you OK? In a very weak voice the little guy says, “excuse me, what did you just say to me?”
The big guy says “When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I’d give you the answers to the questions everyone asks me. I’m 7 feet tall, have a 20 inch *****, my ********* weigh 3 lbs each and my name is Turner Brown.”
The small guy says, “Thank God! I thought you said Turn Around....”
A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 20 inch *****, ********* 3 lbs each, Turner Brown”.
The small guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him round by slapping his face.
Are you OK? In a very weak voice the little guy says, “excuse me, what did you just say to me?”
The big guy says “When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I’d give you the answers to the questions everyone asks me. I’m 7 feet tall, have a 20 inch *****, my ********* weigh 3 lbs each and my name is Turner Brown.”
The small guy says, “Thank God! I thought you said Turn Around....”
23 June 2003, 11:09 PM
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This one too
A Jogger is running through a cemetery when he passes a man kneeling by a graveside, sobbing.
"Why did you have to die! Why did you have to die?"
The jogger stops and says "I'm sorry for your troubles - that person must have been very close to you."
"I never knew him" replies the man.
"He was my wife's first husband."
and this one
Two women friends, incredibly drunk and walking home
got caught short. They were very near a graveyard and
one of them suggested they do their business behind a
head stone or something.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
she'd take off her panties and use them, then throw
them away. Her friend however was wearing a rather
expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers
but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a
wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to
wipe herself with that.
They then made off for home.
The next day one woman's husband phoned the other
husband and said "We'd better keep an eye on our wives
you know, mine came home last night without her
panties."
That's nothing" said the other "Mine came back with a
card stuck between her @ss that said 'From all the
lads at the fire station. We'll never forget you'."
A Jogger is running through a cemetery when he passes a man kneeling by a graveside, sobbing.
"Why did you have to die! Why did you have to die?"
The jogger stops and says "I'm sorry for your troubles - that person must have been very close to you."
"I never knew him" replies the man.
"He was my wife's first husband."
and this one
Two women friends, incredibly drunk and walking home
got caught short. They were very near a graveyard and
one of them suggested they do their business behind a
head stone or something.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
she'd take off her panties and use them, then throw
them away. Her friend however was wearing a rather
expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers
but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a
wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to
wipe herself with that.
They then made off for home.
The next day one woman's husband phoned the other
husband and said "We'd better keep an eye on our wives
you know, mine came home last night without her
panties."
That's nothing" said the other "Mine came back with a
card stuck between her @ss that said 'From all the
lads at the fire station. We'll never forget you'."
23 June 2003, 11:21 PM
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Obviously doing the rounds !!!!
Another one for ya'll !!
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery was staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink *****. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. In fact, he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink ***** also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said: "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied.
"In fact, there's no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."
Another one for ya'll !!
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery was staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink *****. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. In fact, he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink ***** also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said: "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied.
"In fact, there's no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."
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