wiltshire_boy

Is anyone else going through this?
Realise that i am putting my ***** on the line here at the mercy of muppets and a-holes.
Been going quietly mad, none of my mates seem to want to talk in detail about what we are going through so here i go:

Spent most of my active sexual life trying to avoid getting anyone pregnant and, hey, wouldn't you know, been with a girl for 8 years and married for over 2 and been trying for a baby for at least 5 years with no luck.
Done all the tests, more so her than me, taken the drugs (Clomid etc.) with no joy, and carried on down a path we thought we would never have to take.
I am still surprising myself that i have reached the point where i think that posting a subject like this on an open forum will help.
But...... i am a bit desparate....which is why i am posting this at a ridiculous hour,.....i used to think that enough booze would help me come to terms with the fact that despite my impression of what makes good parents, we are denied that luxury.
I understand that kids are a special kind of joy that not everyone deserves, but it is very hard to understand why we cannot have a piece of that, what i used to think was easy, love for ourselves.

Finding it hard to carry on telling my wife that it is not our fault.

[Edited by wiltshire_boy - 3/23/2003 4:04:34 AM]

MooseRacer

I've no experience of IVF, and don't even know what ICSI is , but your post made sad reading and I feel for you and your wife.

I hope that your situation resolves in a way that both you and your wife can be at peace with.

I know its an easy thing to suggest when not in the situation, but have you considered adoption at all?

[Edited by MooseRacer - 3/23/2003 5:28:19 AM]

wiltshire_boy

Thanks for the kind words MooseRacer.

Yeah, we have thought about adoption, and it would certainly seem to be easier and less expensive. Currently 4k a go at IVF, with only a 25% chance of it working first time, rising to a 50-60% then on.

We have thought about it long and hard and the desire to have our own child is very strong despite the surplus of "spare" babies out there.

Thanks again.

neilbbb

wiltshire boy
i cant begin to understand how you both must feel. IVF does work (it did for some friends of ours) and the doctors will do all they can to help you achieve what you want.

Hang in there and look at all the options. and good luck...

bigsinky

been there and done that m8. one cycle IVF and another cycle ixy. both times failed. i was not that keen the second time around because it really took alot outta the missus (both physically and mentally) but they said that ixy was a one egg one sperm so to speak. they did the fertillisation for ya. didnt work the second time around and to say the wife was devastated was an understatment. we have now gone down the adoption route which in itself is pretty invasive, believe me they leave no rock unturned. they go into everything and i mean everything. we specified that we wanted a baby no older than 1 yr but as yet nothing. good thing about our adoption agency is that they match the child to the adoptive parents, so it is not necessarily how far down the list you are. as i live in northern ireland the adoption laws are slightly different than on mainland uk, but i was still amazed at how much power the birth parents have. babies are few and far between and most agencies are lookin at you taking older children which have in some cases major physcological problems. another thing i would say is that the whole process of "wanting a child" puts a major strain on a relationship, i know i have been there.

feel free to email me offline if you want some more advice.

cheers

big sinky

ScoobyDoo555

I feel for you

My wife and my best friends have been thru this. As has been said, be prepared for a serious financial burden and even worse emotional grief. Not nice.

The statistics aren't good - p1ss poor, to be honest. The lady nearly died during the first miscarriage, and had problems with the second one.

It was painful, for both - hormone injections etc, the hubby had some operations on his nadgers that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemies

The worst bit is the extraction (from both male & female) and the re-insertion.

HOWEVER, they are now blessed with a little girl, who they love dearly.


Due to the amount of sperm that was collected, they can now look at another later on. But she will still have to go through the drug process......

Tough one...... best of luck

Dan

wiltshire_boy

Thank you to everyone who has replied to me, both on here and offline, especially bigsinky who may well learn to regret that offer .

It's something that has been going on for a couple of years now, these things don't move along very quickly, and i have to say that everyone involved has been fantastic. No one has been anything but kind and understanding without making us feel patronised.
Once in a while though it just gets too much, having to stay strong for my wife and me, and i need to let off a little steam.

I have been thinking about your kindness over the weekend and really do appreciate it.

Thanks again, (straightens himself up, deep breath, manly slaps on backs all round)

Roy.

Makalu

2 cycles of IVF later, last but two attempt and bingo - baby boy. Tried again - no joy - last time before giving up and adopting a second and 'poof' - hit the jackpot and get twins!!!!

Message here is stick at it... please call me for a little moral support! Email to makalu69@hotmail.com for my phone number.

Mak.

bigsinky

i don't know ya m8 but if i can be of any help just let me know. i used to be one of these guys that bottled up feelings and stayed stchum when ever things got bad. believe me when they say that being told you can't have kids is like a death they are right. i didn't grieve for 2 years saying to myself that i was born that way and there was nothing i could have done about it, and just move on with your life. one problem, you can't move on with your life until you have gone thru the grieving process. don't be like me and take two years to realise it. in those two years i paid a price, too damn high a price, both physically and more so mentally to the extent that i last january i just ceased to function. no motivation, crying for no reason, literally brief snatches of sleep(1-2 hours max) per night. i was loathe to seek professional help because i felt that any medical notes that are held on you that relate to "feeling down" or depression just don't look good. luckily i saw sense and went for professional help and it is really surprising what insight you get into you own feelings when someone else examines them. i now have closure on this part of my life but again it is not without loss as both myself and my wife are now temporarily separated. sorry for the life story m8 but if i can spare yourself or your wife the heartache then my advice has not been in vain. never be afraid to talk to people even if it is on here m8 and be mega truthful with your wife. really listen to her and when i say really listen i mean "really listen", because it is only when you are really truthful with each other that the hard decisions about the way forward in your lives becomes somewhat easier.

cheers

big sinky