Liverpool Airport Shocker
13 October 2002, 10:38 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 1,764
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
"Welcome to flight TD434, from Liverpool to Stansted, this is your captain speaking, we apologies for the delay however 4 Scousers have just run of with our wheels!" 
No offence intended
Matt
No offence intended
Matt
14 October 2002, 10:55 AM
#6
BANNED
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: LIVERPOOL THE CENTRE OF EXCELLENCE
Posts: 8,511
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Have you noticed they have ripped the door off too,so you best check your sterio is still there........
PS whats the goin rate for a set of plane wheels?
Later Yoza
PS whats the goin rate for a set of plane wheels?
Later Yoza
Trending Topics
14 October 2002, 07:08 PM
#8
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Croydon (ish)
Posts: 1,887
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
These probably aint true but they are funny.
Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally don't
hear.The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline
pilots and control towers from around the world:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air
crew, screaming:"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you
to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop
right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference
between Cs and Ds, but get it right!"
Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort
this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I
want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell
you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the
verbal
bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate
ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was
running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I
married to you once?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his
approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn
right at the end of the runway, if
able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at
the lights and return to the airport."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
Unknown aircraft: "I'm bored!"
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify your self
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,
we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers......"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it
was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British
Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747
pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you not been to
Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but I didn't stop."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker,
one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
little
Fokker in sight."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich
overheard
the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the
bloody war!"
Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally don't
hear.The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline
pilots and control towers from around the world:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air
crew, screaming:"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you
to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop
right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference
between Cs and Ds, but get it right!"
Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort
this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I
want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell
you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the
verbal
bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate
ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was
running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I
married to you once?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his
approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn
right at the end of the runway, if
able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at
the lights and return to the airport."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
Unknown aircraft: "I'm bored!"
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify your self
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,
we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers......"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it
was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British
Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747
pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you not been to
Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but I didn't stop."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker,
one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
little
Fokker in sight."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich
overheard
the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the
bloody war!"
15 October 2002, 11:16 AM
#10
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Apr 1999
Posts: 1,335
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Some more:
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
”There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane...”
And, after landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”
From a Southwest Airlines employee.... “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt. If you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.
In the event of sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, “nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”
”Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”
Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, “We’ve reached our cruising altitude now, and I’m turning off the seat belt sign. I’m switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight.”
”Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.”
”As you exit the plane, please be sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
”Last one off the plane must clean it.”
And from the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry ... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight!
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, ”That was quite a bump and I know what ya’ll are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendants’ fault.....it was the asphalt!”
An airline pilot wrote that on a particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying Reno Airline.” He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?” “Why no Ma’am,” said the pilot, “what is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land or were we shot down?”
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant
came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.
Part of a Flight Attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways.”
[Edited by DavidRB - 10/15/2002 11:31:26 AM]
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
”There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane...”
And, after landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”
From a Southwest Airlines employee.... “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt. If you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.
In the event of sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, “nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”
”Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”
Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, “We’ve reached our cruising altitude now, and I’m turning off the seat belt sign. I’m switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight.”
”Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.”
”As you exit the plane, please be sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
”Last one off the plane must clean it.”
And from the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry ... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight!
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, ”That was quite a bump and I know what ya’ll are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendants’ fault.....it was the asphalt!”
An airline pilot wrote that on a particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying Reno Airline.” He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?” “Why no Ma’am,” said the pilot, “what is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land or were we shot down?”
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant
came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.
Part of a Flight Attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways.”
[Edited by DavidRB - 10/15/2002 11:31:26 AM]
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Dave T-S
ScoobyNet General
3
02 March 2001 08:59 AM