PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS
10 October 2002, 12:17 PM
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A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
IF WOMEN DRINK...
Beer:
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella:
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ***.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Scotch and soda:
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
Water:
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't
Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask):
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc:
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has
absolutely no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
Cape Velvet:
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.):
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get
drunk... and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait...
IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)
Cider:
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer:
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.
Premium Local Beer:
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer:
He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Guinness:
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Water:
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid.
Wine:
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
Vodka or Brandy:
Extremely horny hound, would **** a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
Port:
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whisky:
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels:
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
Rum or Tequila:
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc:
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.
Andy
10 October 2002, 12:30 PM
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Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc:
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
Raarrr!
Gosh, they could almost know me personally. 
10 October 2002, 02:57 PM
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Bastid! I knew I was starting something that I couldn't win . "Never enter an **** kicking contest with a porcupine"...
It was lunch... I had to get back to the office... I'd had one already... I was in a rush... As it turned out I was yawning all afternoon anyhow, so another could have killed me
. "Never enter an **** kicking contest with a porcupine"...It was lunch... I had to get back to the office... I'd had one already... I was in a rush... As it turned out I was yawning all afternoon anyhow, so another could have killed me
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10 October 2002, 03:03 PM
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lol... I shouldnt really say anything as I started of with a coke and then had a pint today..
David
David
10 October 2002, 03:27 PM
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I beg to be a pedantic toser carl but Jack Daniels is not considered a whiskey it is Bourbon and its on shakey ground there as well because it is filtered and therefore not supposed to be considered as Buorbon either.
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