Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
07 October 2002, 08:00 PM
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Apologies if you've seen this, but it's well funny. enter some names and things and it'll generate a Jerry Springer episode for you! 
http://www.akaresults.net/adam/springershow.htm
http://www.akaresults.net/adam/springershow.htm
07 October 2002, 09:17 PM
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The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Pete Lewis is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Astraboy. So everyone, please put your hands together for Pete Lewis!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now Pete Lewis you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
You: Edwina Curry.
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Edwina Curry, is actually here tonight ...
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Pete Lewis, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... null!
You: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere you pull out a Gold wheel. null reaches for the Waterbed. Out of the shadows MarkO appears]
MarkO: Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here null.
null: Because I saw Pete Lewis and MarkO making out at Ann Summers!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
MarkO: That's a lie! I was home watching Scoobynet!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem null?
null: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Astraboy who has recently become engaged to MarkO.
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Astraboy out here because Pete Lewis had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Edwina Curry that's right!
Astraboy: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Edwina Curry! You know how I feel about Edwina Curry!
MarkO: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Edwina Curry!
Astraboy: Because I knew that I could never have Edwina Curry. But Pete Lewis promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
MarkO: What about respect for my feelings!
[null walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Astraboy]
null: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
MarkO: Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[MarkO runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
MarkO: Pete Lewis take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...
[The crowd does its bit]
MarkO: Married?
[You nod]
MarkO: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Edwina Curry.
Astraboy: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
Edwina Curry: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 3 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Pete Lewis is married to Edwina Curry who Astraboy has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Astraboy has recently become engaged to MarkO who was recently spotted kissing Pete Lewis in Ann Summers. Now on top of this, null has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Astraboy.
Edwina Curry: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
author unknown - repurposed from an e-mail for your viewing pleasure <== back to brainsluice
07 October 2002, 09:56 PM
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This could be a rather large thread.
Mine done in a political vein, and with a little editing ;-)
The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"
[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! George Bush is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Tony Blair. So everyone, please put your hands together for George Bush!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now George Bush you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
George Bush: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
George Bush: Kylie Minogue.
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Kylie Minogue, is actually here tonight ...
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you George Bush, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Sadam Hussein !
George Bush: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere George Bush pulls out a Thermo Nuclear Bomb. Sadam Hussein reaches for the Rocking Chair. Out of the shadows Holly Valance appears]
Holly Valance : Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Sadam Hussein .
Sadam Hussein : Because I saw George Bush and Holly Valance making out at Sainsburys!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
Holly Valance : That's a lie! I was home watching Eastenders!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Sadam Hussein ?
Sadam Hussein : Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Tony Blair who has recently become engaged to Holly Valance .
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Tony Blair out here because George Bush had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Kylie Minogue that's right!
Tony Blair: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Kylie Minogue! You know how I feel about Kylie Minogue!
Holly Valance : [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Kylie Minogue!
Tony Blair: Because I knew that I could never have Kylie Minogue. But George Bush promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Holly Valance : What about respect for my feelings!
[Sadam Hussein walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Tony Blair]
Sadam Hussein : Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
Holly Valance : Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[Holly Valance runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
Holly Valance : George Bush take me away from all of this!
George Bush: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...
[The crowd does its bit]
Holly Valance : Married?
[George Bush nods]
Holly Valance : Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
George Bush: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Kylie Minogue.
Tony Blair: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
Kylie Minogue: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 42 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... George Bush is married to Kylie Minogue who Tony Blair has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Tony Blair has recently become engaged to Holly Valance who was recently spotted kissing George Bush in Sainsburys. Now on top of this, Sadam Hussein has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Tony Blair.
Kylie Minogue: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
Mine done in a political vein, and with a little editing ;-)
The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"
[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! George Bush is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Tony Blair. So everyone, please put your hands together for George Bush!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now George Bush you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
George Bush: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
George Bush: Kylie Minogue.
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Kylie Minogue, is actually here tonight ...
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you George Bush, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Sadam Hussein !
George Bush: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere George Bush pulls out a Thermo Nuclear Bomb. Sadam Hussein reaches for the Rocking Chair. Out of the shadows Holly Valance appears]
Holly Valance : Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Sadam Hussein .
Sadam Hussein : Because I saw George Bush and Holly Valance making out at Sainsburys!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
Holly Valance : That's a lie! I was home watching Eastenders!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Sadam Hussein ?
Sadam Hussein : Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Tony Blair who has recently become engaged to Holly Valance .
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Tony Blair out here because George Bush had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Kylie Minogue that's right!
Tony Blair: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Kylie Minogue! You know how I feel about Kylie Minogue!
Holly Valance : [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Kylie Minogue!
Tony Blair: Because I knew that I could never have Kylie Minogue. But George Bush promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Holly Valance : What about respect for my feelings!
[Sadam Hussein walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Tony Blair]
Sadam Hussein : Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
Holly Valance : Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[Holly Valance runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
Holly Valance : George Bush take me away from all of this!
George Bush: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...
[The crowd does its bit]
Holly Valance : Married?
[George Bush nods]
Holly Valance : Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
George Bush: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Kylie Minogue.
Tony Blair: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
Kylie Minogue: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 42 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... George Bush is married to Kylie Minogue who Tony Blair has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Tony Blair has recently become engaged to Holly Valance who was recently spotted kissing George Bush in Sainsburys. Now on top of this, Sadam Hussein has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Tony Blair.
Kylie Minogue: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
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