Jen

Chelle,

Don't worry...honeslty. My step-sisters in the same position, she recently moved into a care house run by the Council, there's 3 other people living with her (all female) and a (female) carer with a cat This seems the ideal situation, I know my step-mum really pushed for a nice house for her and it's worth contacting agencies to do this.

This house has a number of reasons it was perfect - they get their own room (I know all places will have their own room, but this means it can be decorated etc. in their chosen style) and it's got everything in it she can want! They have a recently fitted kitchen which is stunning, a massive large screen television, computer with broadband internet connections, specially made bathroom to cater for disabilities - the latest addition is a treadmill for excerise She lives better than the rest of the family! ...in fact, I'm thinking about moving in

It was a strange situation at first, Jen (my step-sister -confusing? Yep!) was asking questions about why she was still at home after we all left for Uni and wasn't keen on going into her own house at first. However, my Step-mum persevered and she gradually got more and more excited. Now, when she visits for occasional weekends it's always "when am I going home?" ! She's very happy.

Organising it is nasty, but take your time and get a good place - I'm 99% sure it will work out for everyones benifits in the end...

This is her at my wedding a couple of weeks ago - trust me, that's a very happy Jen!



If I can be of any help at all - i.e. finding out more about how it all got sorted let me know...best of luck

Jen

P.S copyed to your e-mail so hopefully it reduces stress asap...

edited to sort pic


[Edited by Jen - 7/3/2002 9:37:02 AM]

ian/555

Michelle I have mailed this to you as well.

"Hi Michelle,
To answer your concerns I would suggest the best way to proceed is to
contact your local Social Services Learning Disabilities Team who would
assign a case manager to your sister. The case manager would in-conjunction
with your family and other agencies make an assessment of your sister's
individual needs and source a suitable placement usually in the local
community.

Your family should be involved in choosing an appropriate placement.
Visiting potential homes and meeting staff and residents should help you to
judge if your sister would like to live there. You should have access to the
home's Statement of Purpose and Service User's Guide which would give you a
detailed insight into the quality and breath of care and facilities offered.

Under new regulations all service users have a right to a secure room of
their own and to choose their own personal belonging, respecting an
individual's need for privacy and personal space should be a priority in any
good community home.

Once your sister has moved into her new home and a keyworker has been
assigned a detailed care plan and risk assessment will be completed to
ensure appropriate support in all areas of daily living including community
activities. The Case Manager would continue to be involved on an indefinite
basis and regular reviews would be offered to ensure your sister's needs are
being met and that she is happy.

I hope this information has been useful"


Time to put my wife back in her box Shh I didn't say that!
Regards ian

[Edited by ian/555 - 7/3/2002 10:25:21 PM]

RichS

Michelle

I can't provide any advice or offer much help except to extend my best wishes to you and your family at this difficult time. Especially Bernie

I've no doubt that you are thoroughly researching your stuff using every means possible including the internet.

This site might be a useful reference for you.

Also The Caring Homes Regulations 2001 may also be of use.
Having skimmed through it, it does appear to only cover social care for children, rather than specialist care. However there will be many parallels between social and specialist care (sorry - I'm assuming that your sister requires specialist care) so it might be of help.


Rich

[Edited by RichS - 7/4/2002 9:16:05 PM]

Little Miss WRX

Some time in the future, my parents are no longer going to be able to look after my sister.

She needs full time care and looking after.

My dad has recently asked me to compile a list of things I would want from a home in order to put her into, initially part time and then full time care.

I am so against this idea [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img], but I wish to comply with my parents' wishes no matter how hard that will be

I have my own thoughts on what she would want and what I would want her to have.

For example, her happiness would be highest on my list.
Damn good security running on a level with that.
Assurity that a male would be unable to get into her room if she is unsupervised.
Assurity that she would never be left unnaccompanied if out of the home.
Things like availability of a TV, video, stereo and books in her own room.
A routine of meals that are healthy for her as she has to be careful about what she eats.
Plenty of activites.

That is all I can think of for now.

I don't want to miss out anything, so what do you think?

Her safety is paramount. I do not trust care homes, there is so much abuse that is heard of. I would not be held responsible for my actions if anything at all happened to her. But I digress......

Please post your thoughts if you were in the same position as I.

It makes me feel sick posting this

Katana

Access to the internet. Since your sister did work in Safeways before, I'd assume she's PC literate. You'd be surprised to know how many people that have Down Syndrom that spends a lot of their time on the net.

Little Miss WRX

Good point She does love to use dad's PC.

I shall ensure she has a PC, printer and internet access

Lozza

How about organised activities so she is not stuck indoors all the time - hope this helps

Lozza

Sorry u already had that on your list doh

nkh

Think about scenery, my half sister went into a home after living on a boat in her early life. She was miserable away from water and in the end had to be moved to a home near the sea.

Good luck

ian/555

Michelle YHM
ian

Little Miss WRX

Thanks Ian

YHM back

bros2

Michelle,

Look at it this way - you grew up and left home, didn't you?

In the same way, so is your sister. I have a niece in the same position (only MUCH less able to look after herself - she's 9 years old with the mental capacity of a 3-month old) and my sister will eventually not be able to care for her. OK, that's a long way off, but it has to be faced at some point.

Your sister is going to leave home and go to her own place, it's just that she'll need some help when she's there, that's all. Looked at from this perspective, it's nothing like "putting her in a home" (as the typical expression has it), more helping her to find her own flat, which is something that most siblings would assist with, whatever the situation, no?

Not knowing your sister, I can't remotely think of what she might need, but I'd find out what the policy is on dealing with problem housemates. Just as I've moved in and found I just didn't - for whatever reason - get on with someone, so might your sister. What rights will she have in terms of objecting to/vetting potential new occupants?

Hope this helps

Bros

Little Miss WRX

Jen and Bros2


Thank you very much for taking time out to post your replies,
you have really helped put my mind at ease with this.

I have sat down with my brother and dad today, let them read your replies also and they have digested what you have put.

The next stage now is to group together our thoughts, then put ourselves in my sister's shoes and try to see what she would want.

Then I guess, we contact the relevant bodies to view places.

Thanks again,

Michelle.

Claudius

What's wrong with your sister??

dsmith

I think I understand your concerns but is there a risk some of yor conditions are phrased a bit too generally.

"Assurity that a male would be unable to get into her room if she is unsupervised."

Do you mean male staff or all males ?. Does your brother nad father fall into this category ?

I realise this probably isnt the thread to start the debate but it does frustrate me that I (simply because I am a male) am seen as such a threat these days. Twice in the last 2 weeks I have been approached by children asaking for help beacuse they've lost their parents (once in a shopping centre/once on a cross-channel ferry). I personally feel it unwise to even take their hand these days, instead I have simultaneously tried to watch them and find a female member of staff to alert.

I can see it only getting worse to the point where to be seen talking to strange children (under any circumstances) is enough to have a lynch mob onto you.

Some perverts are male. Not all males are perverts.

Deano

Amen Corner

Michelle: YHM

^Qwerty^

Some perverts are female as well. (Rose West?) (Mira Hindley) to name two.

It is a shame that as a male, I no longer feel comfortable to help my son's young friends go to the toilet at our house, and instead send them home. Let me explain. My son (who is 3) obviouslly has friends around the house from the neighbours. The other week I came downstairs and a young girl from next door was walking around the living room saying "I need a wee". Did I take her to the toilet? No. I told her to go home. Do you know why? Its easy. Due to the stupid society we now live in, if she had gone home and said something like, "James's daddy helped me to the toilet and touched me there" that would have been it. Police at the door, James put into care, my g/f leaving me etc. etc. Guilty as charged for doing something so simple and innocent as helping a child go to the toilet.

As a male in todays society, you have to be really really careful what you do with young children. Before I had my own, I even avoided talking to them for fear of been branded a pervert. It's a sad state of affairs, and is not helped by people's prejudices, as stated above, that imply that you can't trust ANY men. Im sure that it was not written (well I hope not) with that in mind, but thats how I read it.

Jen

I completly agree with you two - it is a shame. You have to remember that this also applies to women in the care circles i.e. I've always had to be really careful when training as a teacher and working on playschemes due to problems previous collegues have had. I'm sure it won't be long before this happens in "everyday life" as well... IMHO though, it's best to be overcausious than risk kids being abused.

I see Chelles point of view though, and admit it is the same as mine when my sister went away. Shes less able to protect herself, therefore you want her as far away from risk as possible. Makes sense really.

Jen

Little Miss WRX

Unfortunately I have this point of view of men through experience.

I understand that some perverts are females also. I fear for my sister because she is so vunerable and so trusting of anyone.

I for one was so glad to move out of my parents and take the risk of my car away. I had continuous nightmares about people breaking into my parents house and my sister getting hurt.

I know my statements are rather sweeping and very poorly worded. But understand that regardless of sex, my sister's carers will be vetted by us, we would also hope that we would be able to ensure that they have no criminal record of any sort. Not too sure on whether we would be able to do that, can anyone help there?

Her behaviour will be monitored by us on visits as it is very easy to tell signs of stress with my sister. So we can immediately see if there is an underlying problem that needs to be sorted asap.

Other things are factors, such as what will happen to her money that she receives from benefit? We need to be able to fully hand over the money side to the home aswell.

Ian, many thanks to your wife for sending me that email.

Amen Corner thank you

Deano and qwerty, I do not mind you saying what you have done as I can fully understand your frustration as a male with regards thte fact I and indeed the rest of my family including my dad and brother do not wish male access to her bedroom if alone and especially at night.

Claudius, my sister has Down's Syndrome.

I am going to speak to my dad today as we had all gathered our thoughts together (my brother, myself, my mum and dad) onto pieces of paper. He went to meet up with a trusted friend of his to be facilitated as he calls it
I will post the outcome of the meeting tonight or tomorrow.

Thank you for EVERYONE's comments so far

Cheers,

Michelle.

Jen

Good luck with getting what you (and of course your sister) want Chelle...let us know how it goes...

Jen

bros2

Michelle

My understanding is that carers have a police check done on application, and that any subsequent offence which might be relevant would be notified to their employers by the police on conviction.

You will, I'm sure, want to check this for yourself, but I'm firm in my own mind that this is what happens.

Bros

Jen

Bros - positive you're correct, it's everyone who works in social services or education IIRC...

Little Miss WRX

Bros,

Thought that was the case, hopefully we will be able to check to give us an extra piece of mind.

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts, opinions and support

Michelle.

Claudius

I'm sorry to read that your sister has Down's syndrome. But I fail to see how that makes her attractive to "males".

Anyway, I think she should be in good hands in a specialised institution which has experience with mental disabilities.

Good luck

Mice_Elf

Claudius, I don't think it's a matter of men being attracted to Bernie, although I'm sure she's a delight, being Chelle's sister but more a case of some men taking advantage of Bernie who can't react in the same way or process the same thoughts as say, I would.