A quick joke
#3
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#10
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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady," why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady," why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
#11
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I thought it was my lucky day when clearing out my Granddads old attic.
I found a Picasso and a Stradivarius.
Unfortunately, Picasso was rubbish at making violins & Stradivarius can't paint for sh%t!!!
I found a Picasso and a Stradivarius.
Unfortunately, Picasso was rubbish at making violins & Stradivarius can't paint for sh%t!!!
#12
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My girlfriend always wanted to do a bungee jump. So to stop her nagging I took her along to a decent well supervised bungee place where she had to complete a form with weight etc for rope adjustment.
She had a horrible death as she hit the ground at nearly full speed.
Her fault really as she always lied about her weight.........
david
She had a horrible death as she hit the ground at nearly full speed.
Her fault really as she always lied about her weight.........
david
#13
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A shark is involved in an accident in which he loses the large protrusion on his back and finds he's subsequently no longer able to pass water.
He sees a solicitor to try to get compensation...
The solicitor agrees to take on his case on a 'No Fin No Wee' basis.
He sees a solicitor to try to get compensation...
The solicitor agrees to take on his case on a 'No Fin No Wee' basis.
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#22
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Went to see the doctor earlier.
Me: Doctor, I can't stop singing 'Delilah'.
Doctor: Ah, you appear to have Tom Jones syndrome.
Me: Is it common?
Doctor: (singing) It's not unusual...
Me: Doctor, I can't stop singing 'Delilah'.
Doctor: Ah, you appear to have Tom Jones syndrome.
Me: Is it common?
Doctor: (singing) It's not unusual...
#26
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Bloke walks into the doctors,
Patient. Doctor,doctor, I think I am a pair of curtains,
Doctor. Pull yourself together ,man
Patient. Doctor,doctor, I think I am a pair of curtains,
Doctor. Pull yourself together ,man
Last edited by greenonedave; 16 April 2016 at 04:57 PM.
#27
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I was in the chemist last week but couldn't find the deodorant.
I asked the women for some
She asked "do you want the ball type"
I replied "no just the one for under your arms" ..........
I asked the women for some
She asked "do you want the ball type"
I replied "no just the one for under your arms" ..........