Close friends
08 February 2015, 10:24 AM
#1
Close friends
Since having to leave my job less than a year ago (worked there 20 years). I made what I thought were very good friends, friends who I would do anything for. As an example, someone I considered my best friend, managed a subsidiary of the company which was hanging in the balance and he was scared of losing his job. So I done my upmost to ensure this would not happen by speaking to my Manager and ensuring he had a role in my Department (ended up taking my old job by the way for which I have heard on the grapevine he eagerly accepted without a second thought to me). Que well he must have been better at the job than me but this was certainly not the case. I had over 13 years more experience with BS standards and done the job standing on my head. One big difference between me and my mate is that he would brown nose whereas if I felt something was not right or someone was being treated unfairly I would speak out.
I thought I had made some really close friends where I worked, in fact they were like family to me but you know something all but one person keeps in touch with me, the rest, I suppose because I am no longer a use to the them, fixing their laptops, desktops and working out of hours to get work done they just don't bother to keep in touch.
It hurts as I actually put myself on the line more than once for people who I considered close mates.
Does anyone else find it difficult to actually find a trusting friend anymore? I have been crapped on so many times and now when I really need them they are alright jack and just seem to be interested in themselves.
Will any of you guys be my friend.
I thought I had made some really close friends where I worked, in fact they were like family to me but you know something all but one person keeps in touch with me, the rest, I suppose because I am no longer a use to the them, fixing their laptops, desktops and working out of hours to get work done they just don't bother to keep in touch.
It hurts as I actually put myself on the line more than once for people who I considered close mates.
Does anyone else find it difficult to actually find a trusting friend anymore? I have been crapped on so many times and now when I really need them they are alright jack and just seem to be interested in themselves.
Will any of you guys be my friend.
08 February 2015, 10:38 AM
#5
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Since having to leave my job less than a year ago (worked there 20 years). I made what I thought were very good friends, friends who I would do anything for. As an example, someone I considered my best friend, managed a subsidiary of the company which was hanging in the balance and he was scared of losing his job. So I done my upmost to ensure this would not happen by speaking to my Manager and ensuring he had a role in my Department (ended up taking my old job by the way for which I have heard on the grapevine he eagerly accepted without a second thought to me). Que well he must have been better at the job than me but this was certainly not the case. I had over 13 years more experience with BS standards and done the job standing on my head. One big difference between me and my mate is that he would brown nose whereas if I felt something was not right or someone was being treated unfairly I would speak out.
I thought I had made some really close friends where I worked, in fact they were like family to me but you know something all but one person keeps in touch with me, the rest, I suppose because I am no longer a use to the them, fixing their laptops, desktops and working out of hours to get work done they just don't bother to keep in touch.
It hurts as I actually put myself on the line more than once for people who I considered close mates.
Does anyone else find it difficult to actually find a trusting friend anymore? I have been crapped on so many times and now when I really need them they are alright jack and just seem to be interested in themselves.
Will any of you guys be my friend.
I thought I had made some really close friends where I worked, in fact they were like family to me but you know something all but one person keeps in touch with me, the rest, I suppose because I am no longer a use to the them, fixing their laptops, desktops and working out of hours to get work done they just don't bother to keep in touch.
It hurts as I actually put myself on the line more than once for people who I considered close mates.
Does anyone else find it difficult to actually find a trusting friend anymore? I have been crapped on so many times and now when I really need them they are alright jack and just seem to be interested in themselves.
Will any of you guys be my friend.
Being nice is seen as a weakness and people will always try and take advantage.
08 February 2015, 11:15 AM
#7
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in my experience, work mates/friends - are just that, "work" mates
when you move jobs you tend to loose touch
I have some great friends/colleagues at work - but I know if I left my company I would find it hard to keep in touch
when you move jobs you tend to loose touch
I have some great friends/colleagues at work - but I know if I left my company I would find it hard to keep in touch
Last edited by hodgy0_2; 08 February 2015 at 11:16 AM.
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08 February 2015, 12:14 PM
#8
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I've never felt inclined to developing close friendships at work, as everyone has a professional agenda, and rightly so. My friends have no agenda of that sort but to have me as 'me' outside my work.
I call my work friends my work colleagues. Some of them put X at the end of their Christmas cards, I don't even do that back to them. Some of them brings cakes and biscuits to gain friends at work. It's up to them, but none of that impresses me, because I know that once they're gone, God knows who's gonna keep in touch with them to remain grateful forever.
Last edited by Turbohot; 08 February 2015 at 12:16 PM.
08 February 2015, 12:46 PM
#9
I have met a couple of good friends that I'm still in contact with through work, out of the hundreds I've worked with over the years, the rest were just "work mates"
Life is cyclical, people come and go, it's just the way it is. If I stayed in contact with all the people I ever got along with over my lifetime I'd have no time to do anything else.
One nice thing that happened recently though whilst back in the UK. I went round to a newish neighbours house for a meal because our sons have become friends and their mother with my wife. Chatting away as you do, she's half Sudanese and it suddenly came back to me that I'd had a Sudanese friend when I was 7 some 41yrs ago, turns out it was her brother and the following week they came round to ours for a meal and a good old chin wag.
What a weird and wonderful world we live in.
Also shows all is not lost and your paths might cross again.
Life is cyclical, people come and go, it's just the way it is. If I stayed in contact with all the people I ever got along with over my lifetime I'd have no time to do anything else.
One nice thing that happened recently though whilst back in the UK. I went round to a newish neighbours house for a meal because our sons have become friends and their mother with my wife. Chatting away as you do, she's half Sudanese and it suddenly came back to me that I'd had a Sudanese friend when I was 7 some 41yrs ago, turns out it was her brother and the following week they came round to ours for a meal and a good old chin wag.
What a weird and wonderful world we live in.
Also shows all is not lost and your paths might cross again.
08 February 2015, 01:19 PM
#11
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This is very true.
I have to say some people you do feel that you would have liked to keep in touch forever and ever! There are some very nice people in this world. Some very nice work colleagues too, and one of them I only became friends with, after a year of exiting that work. She has had some complex life, fair do's. I've recently had an invitation to her wedding in August this year. I will be there to wish her the very best.
A past school friend of mine rang me out of the blue one early morning, and that was, like, 25 years after her leaving the school we went together to. We often walked to school together as she lived so close to me. One day, her mum died during a major surgery, and her father moved his bereaved family to Delhi. Then from doing the usual e.g. finishing degree, marrying, having babies, moving homes, she ended up in US. After living there for a good few years, one day she suddenly thought of me. She eventually tracked me down, and it was great to hear from her after all those 25 years. The emotions I went through were overwhelming! We had never forgotten each other; like we never forgot any of our other childhood friends.
Sometimes people come back after trotting around on the globe, after a quarter of the century- during the same life, and that is amazing!
I have to say some people you do feel that you would have liked to keep in touch forever and ever! There are some very nice people in this world. Some very nice work colleagues too, and one of them I only became friends with, after a year of exiting that work. She has had some complex life, fair do's. I've recently had an invitation to her wedding in August this year. I will be there to wish her the very best.
A past school friend of mine rang me out of the blue one early morning, and that was, like, 25 years after her leaving the school we went together to. We often walked to school together as she lived so close to me. One day, her mum died during a major surgery, and her father moved his bereaved family to Delhi. Then from doing the usual e.g. finishing degree, marrying, having babies, moving homes, she ended up in US. After living there for a good few years, one day she suddenly thought of me. She eventually tracked me down, and it was great to hear from her after all those 25 years. The emotions I went through were overwhelming! We had never forgotten each other; like we never forgot any of our other childhood friends.
Sometimes people come back after trotting around on the globe, after a quarter of the century- during the same life, and that is amazing!
08 February 2015, 02:23 PM
#12
I suppose what I find really hard is that they were not there when I really needed them and its a hard pill to swallow when it hits you that they have got what they want so that is all that matters to them. I also realised how much I had been used for the skills I had.
I am not like that though and perhaps I wear my heart on my sleeve too much so most take the micky out of me.
We live and learn I suppose, usally the hard way for me!
I am not like that though and perhaps I wear my heart on my sleeve too much so most take the micky out of me.
We live and learn I suppose, usally the hard way for me!
08 February 2015, 03:57 PM
#16
Thinking on this more I was also someone who would do a proper job than cut corners and ensure the client got second to none service however it seems my Manager and the CEO were more interested in cheap route and the getting the clients money.
Oh well, gotta believe in karma.
08 February 2015, 04:14 PM
#17
Real friends are the ones that stay in touch when you are "out of the loop" or out of their circle for whatever reason.
Just need to be careful with the above as some maybe dependents or 'users' and the odd narcissist so therefore stay in touch because they "need" something from you or your presence to empower them. You have to weigh up if that's healthy for you to remain in that relationship - it often isn't, because its often one-sided where things aren't reciprocated.
For example, when I stopped fixing people's computers - outright - no exceptions not even my gran LOL. It came clear who just came into contact with me because they wanted something that I could provide. Its highly complicated as some are relatives and some are people I genuinely like.
There are obviously people out there who don't fit into the above that don't keep in touch, some maybe avoidant or more inward so find it awkward to keep in touch, these are the more fragile people, and with them you are the one expected to keep in touch with them even if they push you away.
Just need to be careful with the above as some maybe dependents or 'users' and the odd narcissist so therefore stay in touch because they "need" something from you or your presence to empower them. You have to weigh up if that's healthy for you to remain in that relationship - it often isn't, because its often one-sided where things aren't reciprocated.
For example, when I stopped fixing people's computers - outright - no exceptions not even my gran LOL. It came clear who just came into contact with me because they wanted something that I could provide. Its highly complicated as some are relatives and some are people I genuinely like.
There are obviously people out there who don't fit into the above that don't keep in touch, some maybe avoidant or more inward so find it awkward to keep in touch, these are the more fragile people, and with them you are the one expected to keep in touch with them even if they push you away.
08 February 2015, 05:11 PM
#20
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Real friends are the ones that stay in touch when you are "out of the loop" or out of their circle for whatever reason.
Just need to be careful with the above as some maybe dependents or 'users' and the odd narcissist so therefore stay in touch because they "need" something from you or your presence to empower them. You have to weigh up if that's healthy for you to remain in that relationship - it often isn't, because its often one-sided where things aren't reciprocated.
Just need to be careful with the above as some maybe dependents or 'users' and the odd narcissist so therefore stay in touch because they "need" something from you or your presence to empower them. You have to weigh up if that's healthy for you to remain in that relationship - it often isn't, because its often one-sided where things aren't reciprocated.
For example, when I stopped fixing people's computers - outright - no exceptions not even my gran LOL. It came clear who just came into contact with me because they wanted something that I could provide. Its highly complicated as some are relatives and some are people I genuinely like.
And yes, there are plenty of users around. We're all interdependent, though. We use them, and they use us. For example, if I act on someone's disposal to fix their computer for nothing, I'm getting something out of it. But by doing that, if I start expecting that they should become my best buddies or even an attending buddy, I need to check myself out why I expect that. In order to reduce my misery, I may have to balance my expectation from the world around me, even if I can't help my urge of fixing computers for people for nothing.
Others can be a narcissist, but you could also be attention seeking.
Basically, expectation is a mother of misery, Buddha is so right.
There are obviously people out there who don't fit into the above that don't keep in touch, some maybe avoidant or more inward so find it awkward to keep in touch, these are the more fragile people, and with them you are the one expected to keep in touch with them even if they push you away.
It's all jokes by the way, please don't take anything seriously, anyone.
Well apart from two that one needs introspection, as well as the expectation is a mighty mother of fvvking misery, Buddha is so right.
08 February 2015, 05:53 PM
#22
Now I view the users thing slightly differently, I like useful people, being one myself, I think what's the point in being friends if you can't help each other out when required.
Although with some friends I end up doing more for them than they do for me, but I don't really mind that because I know when I just need an extra pair of hands I have someone I can call.
The world is full of needy people and I must admit I generally avoid those types along with people who think too much instead of just getting on with life.
These days I find most people more trouble than they're worth, which is why I have VERY few close friends, the small amout of pleasure I may or may not experience in their company is generally not worth the ball ache, hence living in the middle of nowhere well away from the madding crowd.
Although with some friends I end up doing more for them than they do for me, but I don't really mind that because I know when I just need an extra pair of hands I have someone I can call.
The world is full of needy people and I must admit I generally avoid those types along with people who think too much instead of just getting on with life.
These days I find most people more trouble than they're worth, which is why I have VERY few close friends, the small amout of pleasure I may or may not experience in their company is generally not worth the ball ache, hence living in the middle of nowhere well away from the madding crowd.
08 February 2015, 06:10 PM
#23
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Like a wise man Vivekananda said once- "If I have five people behind me, I can change the world". I'm sure some other people have also said that, or similar, so who said first isn't the point here. I say- "If I have two good close friends with me, I can live peacefully in this ever-changing and confusing world". Vivekananda meant it differently, of course, but the words do echo, so does the inevitable need for support in this social world stage. I do have that. Fortunately, I have more than two close friends.
Looking for friends on internet is cool, but you need to remember not to rely on them too much. Firstly, people hide behind their personas and don't half talk some bullsh7t on internet. Secondly, they can disappear from the face of this internet earth without you knowing. I know you aren't looking for a life partner (you already have one), but even with friendships, internet can be quite dodgy. Specially after knowing that you've been let down by real life friends, you may want to more be careful on line. Then again, internet might be the safest bet for some for developing friendships, as only one-dimensional disclosures take place, and one ends up getting what one wants; in terms of psychological satisfaction.
In addition, remember being a woman doesn't qualify you as easily to befriend a man or men without getting some derogation from some other male d7ckhead. I only had a bit of a friendly but slightly flirty (out of my usual character, tbh
) banter with Mr. lozsti1 and our dear old ditchy on loz's TakeAway thread, and a pr7ck trolled me to know about my gag reflex. 
https://www.scoobynet.com/1019698-takeaway-2.html
Now if I were a man, he wouldn't have liked to know about my gag reflex unless he was gay, nor would he have questioned me upon me being shallow. Now he would have drooled himself on the pictures of some nearly naked girls here in BOTW pics, but it wasn't ok for me to 'flirt' with some men without him touching his gutter levels with me because I, for my sin, am a woman. So, just be prepared, I say.
There're some very nice men around as friends as well, off and on internet. Not all of them are gay either. So yes, you should find some good friends here, my dearest Lou.
Last edited by Turbohot; 08 February 2015 at 06:15 PM.
08 February 2015, 09:40 PM
#24
I would struggle to identify who my 'best friend' is, excluding my wife. I have a theory that my 'circle of friends' will change around every 7 years, due to changing job, moving home, getting married, having kids and a range of other factors, it seems to hold true for me.
My most enduring relationships are with 3 lads I went to college with 22 years ago, one lives in Australia, one in London, and the other in Belfast. We usually only meet up once a year at Christmas time, but it feels as though there is no break in time between meeting up.
I will be going to work tomorrow to tell the guys in the team which I have built and lead for 10 years than I am moving on - the most difficult part of making my decision was leaving behind the committed and dedicated people who work for an with me. I will do my utmost to make sure a person with the right experience and qualities is found to take the helm before I go. I will keep in contact with them, I know over time contact will lessen with some of them, but there are many of them that I would call friends, even though I am their boss.
Hey Lou, I always have room for more friends - sometimes when you reach out with a hand of friendship, you just dont know how good and valuable that friendship can become.
My most enduring relationships are with 3 lads I went to college with 22 years ago, one lives in Australia, one in London, and the other in Belfast. We usually only meet up once a year at Christmas time, but it feels as though there is no break in time between meeting up.
I will be going to work tomorrow to tell the guys in the team which I have built and lead for 10 years than I am moving on - the most difficult part of making my decision was leaving behind the committed and dedicated people who work for an with me. I will do my utmost to make sure a person with the right experience and qualities is found to take the helm before I go. I will keep in contact with them, I know over time contact will lessen with some of them, but there are many of them that I would call friends, even though I am their boss.
Hey Lou, I always have room for more friends - sometimes when you reach out with a hand of friendship, you just dont know how good and valuable that friendship can become.
08 February 2015, 11:11 PM
#25
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My view is Friends come and go and i never really been bothered over it.
I rely on myself and get on with life.
Very rare occassions ever asked favour,only when real stuck.
Learned from my dad people knock on door or call up,tv is broken,washing machine,car,electrics in house,saved some people a fortune in repair bills,very little appriceation
I kind of learned don't let everyone know you're handy,never get much peace,and some people family/friends haven't talked with for a year will be calling when something needs fixing :razz
I rely on myself and get on with life.
Very rare occassions ever asked favour,only when real stuck.
Learned from my dad people knock on door or call up,tv is broken,washing machine,car,electrics in house,saved some people a fortune in repair bills,very little appriceation
I kind of learned don't let everyone know you're handy,never get much peace,and some people family/friends haven't talked with for a year will be calling when something needs fixing :razz
Last edited by DYK; 08 February 2015 at 11:15 PM.
09 February 2015, 01:22 PM
#27
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I've been in a similar situation although not lost my job part. I made the mistake of all my close mates being through work and as everyone has pointed out on here that eventually comes to an end and you find out that actually they weren't the mates you thought they were. So instead I have no friends who I consider close and don't fully trust anyone (other than family), it's much easier. I no longer have time for going out down the pub anyway (may be once a month), found there were much better things to spend my money and time on that I do on my own (falconry being the main one).
09 February 2015, 01:53 PM
#29
I've been in a similar situation although not lost my job part. I made the mistake of all my close mates being through work and as everyone has pointed out on here that eventually comes to an end and you find out that actually they weren't the mates you thought they were. So instead I have no friends who I consider close and don't fully trust anyone (other than family), it's much easier. I no longer have time for going out down the pub anyway (may be once a month), found there were much better things to spend my money and time on that I do on my own (falconry being the main one).
I am lucky as my partner is my best friend but I do miss one of my work colleages as she was like a sister to me. Always wanted that big or little sister and I would have done but unforutnately she didn't make it into this world and I often wonder what she would be like now, again another story!
Falconry I would love to get into and so would my partner. We are right next to Norfolk Falconry and I am thinking of getting him a day there as a present.
09 February 2015, 04:17 PM
#30
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Actually I don't trust half my family but thats another story!
I am lucky as my partner is my best friend but I do miss one of my work colleages as she was like a sister to me. Always wanted that big or little sister and I would have done but unforutnately she didn't make it into this world and I often wonder what she would be like now, again another story!
Falconry I would love to get into and so would my partner. We are right next to Norfolk Falconry and I am thinking of getting him a day there as a present.
I am lucky as my partner is my best friend but I do miss one of my work colleages as she was like a sister to me. Always wanted that big or little sister and I would have done but unforutnately she didn't make it into this world and I often wonder what she would be like now, again another story!
Falconry I would love to get into and so would my partner. We are right next to Norfolk Falconry and I am thinking of getting him a day there as a present.