ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

There is another aspect to consider, If that's the kind of people they really are, you may well be better off without them.

Turbohot

Sure. Then again, not always, but the 'grapes are sour' self-satisfaction can be a cop out if applied all the time without testing the reality. The reality is achieved by looking at the situation again, understanding it, and introspecting the self as well.

What if you're a clingy type Le Miserables, and expect too much? What if you don't consider that others may have limited time for you due to their own reasons?

I'm not saying that that's the case with Lou, as I know what she's saying. But I'm just saying this because I hear this quite often from a lot of anguished people how bad others are, who isolate them etc. The thing is that if they had given more consideration to their 'bad' friends' situations and circumstances, they might have still had them as friends.

Example:

A friend of mine wants to meet with me in her hometown where I've been doing some work for a few weeks on a particular day of the week. I finish there by 12:30pm there and she has known it for long. We decide to meet up in her home town, as it's easier for her. She doesn't have to drive out to my far off village etc.

Now she's expecting me to meet at 3pm, although she is practically more flexible atm due to her being on her official holiday leave from her work, whereas I need be back to my office (18 miles away from her) for 3:30 to re-start with my work that I do not finish till 8pm that night. I've politely explained to her that it will be too much for me to hang about for 2:30 hours in her town as I have nothing do there. Also, how can I meet her at 3pm when I need to be back in my 18 miles away office for 3:30pm- I've told her that. I've also told her that if I get back to my office for those 2:30 hours, at least I can mess about on Scoobynet in my warm room rather than p7ssing about on my iPhone in SNR from my cold car. But she's not providing any understanding, and instead has sent me a text with something vicious; as if to say I'm not adjusting at all to meet with her and therefore heartless. Oh, come on!

Ok, what is she doing between 12:30 to 3pm? Seeing another friend in need who lives in the same town. Why she cannot see her later and me sooner on one day only, I do not know. If she did that, then that will be much more humane than me freezing in my car for 2:30 hours and then not meeting her at all at 3:30 because I need to leave at 3 to get back to my office. I understand that she must have reasons to see that other friend between the same time I'm available, so I wouldn't text her anything bitter. But, she, on the other hand............... Oh, well.

There're some awfully unreasonable 'friends' about.

ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

Bugger that, I'd sooner have no friends than deal with crap like that.

Which is probably why I have very few people I would call friends, the vast majority of people I know are simply acquaintances.

Linksfahrer

I have 4 mates from my teenage years in the UK , when we get together its friends as always. I can't say I can help them much from here , but that will change when I come back to the UK in a couple of years from now. So Id give anyone the same advice as ditchmyster , stick to a few "good" friends and don't be tempted to try to widen the circle too much, as otherwise the people you care about may end up thinking you don't.

Turbohot

Correct.

I think there are different circles for different things. The ones who go out and have a light-hearted giggle with you are the good time acquaintances. The ones who understand you and listen to not just your joy but also your pains and vice versa are your real close friends. No matter how many of them one may have, but those real friends also have their own life, and that shouldn't be forgotten.

You should always be there for your friends, all good and well. But you cannot always be there, and good friends will always understand it. The ones who take offence of it may have issues, and you, as a good friend, can provide understanding to them, and still be there for them as much as possible. But when they become too needy and start hurling abuse at you, you need to tell them to stop. That's not the way to treat your friend. Friendship doesn't have to be a burden, and any one in friendship doesn't have to do exactly what you did for them. If that's what you expect in return, then you need to check your own level of selfishness. Perhaps you make friends and do things for them because you want your things done by them. This way, you are the one with a selfish game plan, not them; unless they hypnotised you or forced you to do things for them, and then refuse to make a payback to your friendship.

Some 'friends' want you to stick up for them even when they're doing something absolutely wrong in your and in the world's eyes. That's also crazy. To me, I'm a good friend to someone when I tell them that they are running naked around on the road, making a fool of themselves, and need to put some clothes on; rather than saying what they'd like to hear that that they look bleddy fantastic when they run around with no clothes on.

I recently had a discussion with some 'friends' from a certain faith about a religious festival. According to this person's faith, certain festival from certain other faith should not be even acknowledged, never mind celebrated by their own faith peeps, because it has nothing to do with their own faith. I told them that I didn't agree with them on the 'acknowledgement' bit. They got lost for words, but their body language that they omitted to my disagreement was appalling. With that, I might have lost the pleasure of their company as often, but I'm sorry I cannot support a stupid thought process- friend or no friend.

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

Going back a bit I had a 'friend' want me to change the date of my Birthday, as it wasn't convenient....its my birthday FFS.

He was an odd one that one (moreso than me), entertaining on a good day, odd and annoying on a bad day. He's still on the christmas card list(debated if I should forward him the new address when I moved) and I get a card with some half-sarcastic, half-snide comment about me being so elusive and not going out much. I say half snide - as it would be me who has to take him out, to where he wants to go, and it'd be me who would buy most of the drinks.

No thanks...I've had girlfriends like that and got shot of them as soon as they start down that path.

hodgy0_2

what hasn't been touched on is that women have a completely different attitude to friendships - mostly with other women

they can get so catty and possessive - it is unbelievable

men are sooo much more relaxed about it all

ScoobyWon't

Lou is super hot! But a picture would help

What line of work are you in, Lou?

ScoobLou

iTrader: (21)

Walking the streets at the mo lol

But apart from the skills I can't mention, I used to do IT training, repairs, upgrades and have nearly 20 years experience with British Standards such as ISO 9001, 14001, 27001 etc.

OMG the above makes me sound really boring but trust me I ain't lol