Essex Hurricane Appeal
09 September 2008, 01:17 AM
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Essex Hurricane Appeal
A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) hit Essex in the early hours of Friday
with its epicentre in Basildon.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the CostaDel Sol
were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their giros arrived.
Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered
and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying.
My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all.
I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next
morning."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as
normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of SunnyDelight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
quantities ofpersonal belongings,
including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone
China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is mostsought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell
suits (female)
White sport socks, Rockport boots, Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special
Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the insurance and compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps, and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys 20 B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**BREAKING NEWS**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked,
" ROMFORD" said the girl, and "woss tha' **** that gotta do wiv you?
Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex - oh, sod it, they won't
be able to read it, anyway
with its epicentre in Basildon.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the CostaDel Sol
were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their giros arrived.
Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered
and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying.
My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all.
I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next
morning."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as
normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of SunnyDelight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
quantities ofpersonal belongings,
including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone
China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is mostsought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell
suits (female)
White sport socks, Rockport boots, Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special
Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the insurance and compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps, and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys 20 B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**BREAKING NEWS**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked,
" ROMFORD" said the girl, and "woss tha' **** that gotta do wiv you?
Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex - oh, sod it, they won't
be able to read it, anyway
Last edited by lloydee; 09 September 2008 at 01:20 AM.
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