pearls of wisdom
09 August 2007, 08:50 AM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
pearls of wisdom
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Some see things that are and ask why. Some dream of things that aren't and ask why not. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that crap.
Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
You can't have everything! . Where would you put it?
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer!
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture.
If you start out with nothing, you will end up with most of it.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If you don't go to peoples funerals, they won't go to yours.
Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine & the truth.
Life is only like a box of chocolates if you don't read whats on the side of the box!!
Eagles may soar high but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Never do today what will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.
Happiness is like peeing your
, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
By the time we realise our parents were right, our children are old enough to disagree with us.
Men's troubles can be attributed to 3 things; Women, Money & both.
If it has **** or wheels it will give you problems.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Love is like heaven but hurts like hell.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
If it wasn't for STRESS, I'd have no energy at all.
When life hands you a lemon, bust out the Tequila & salt!
Silence is Golden, but shouting is fun.
If it has a label on it, it ain't worth drinkin'.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Rehab is for Quitters
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.
Save a tree; eat a beaver.
A cat by any other name is still a furry little hairball that ****s behind the couch.
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around and some simply just idling . . . The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but ********.
Beauty is just a light switch away!
No matter which direction you start, it's always against the wind coming back.
If you're not living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space.
Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Some see things that are and ask why. Some dream of things that aren't and ask why not. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that crap.
Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
You can't have everything! . Where would you put it?
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer!
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture.
If you start out with nothing, you will end up with most of it.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If you don't go to peoples funerals, they won't go to yours.
Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine & the truth.
Life is only like a box of chocolates if you don't read whats on the side of the box!!
Eagles may soar high but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Never do today what will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.
Happiness is like peeing your
, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.By the time we realise our parents were right, our children are old enough to disagree with us.
Men's troubles can be attributed to 3 things; Women, Money & both.
If it has **** or wheels it will give you problems.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Love is like heaven but hurts like hell.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
If it wasn't for STRESS, I'd have no energy at all.
When life hands you a lemon, bust out the Tequila & salt!
Silence is Golden, but shouting is fun.
If it has a label on it, it ain't worth drinkin'.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Rehab is for Quitters
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.
Save a tree; eat a beaver.
A cat by any other name is still a furry little hairball that ****s behind the couch.
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around and some simply just idling . . . The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but ********.
Beauty is just a light switch away!
No matter which direction you start, it's always against the wind coming back.
If you're not living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space.
09 August 2007, 08:51 AM
#2
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Some more...
If, at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.
Parents can tell but never teach, unless they practice what they preach.
Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
It matters not what you do, as long as you are the best one doing it.
It's a great satisfaction knowing that for a brief point in time you made a difference.
In golf as in life it is the follow through that makes the difference.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
Patience will come to those who wait for it.
May today be better than yesterday, but, not as good as tomorrow.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it!
A friend is someone who doesn't like the same people you do.
If you want your eggs hatched, sit on them yourself.
Question Authority and the Authorities will question You.
A company is known by the people it keeps.
A person who can't lead and won't follow makes a dandy roadblock.
A morning without coffee is like something without something else.
It takes one tree to make 10,000 matches, but one match to burn 10,000 trees.
Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Quitters never win and winners never quit, but those who never quit AND never win are idiots.
People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
1. When you're ready for them.
2. When you're not ready for them..
A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master.
A drowning man is not troubled by rain.
Better no doctor at all than three.
If, at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.
Parents can tell but never teach, unless they practice what they preach.
Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
It matters not what you do, as long as you are the best one doing it.
It's a great satisfaction knowing that for a brief point in time you made a difference.
In golf as in life it is the follow through that makes the difference.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
Patience will come to those who wait for it.
May today be better than yesterday, but, not as good as tomorrow.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it!
A friend is someone who doesn't like the same people you do.
If you want your eggs hatched, sit on them yourself.
Question Authority and the Authorities will question You.
A company is known by the people it keeps.
A person who can't lead and won't follow makes a dandy roadblock.
A morning without coffee is like something without something else.
It takes one tree to make 10,000 matches, but one match to burn 10,000 trees.
Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Quitters never win and winners never quit, but those who never quit AND never win are idiots.
People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
1. When you're ready for them.
2. When you're not ready for them..
A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master.
A drowning man is not troubled by rain.
Better no doctor at all than three.
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