Straight from Sickipedia:

You have to feel sorry for victims of the floods: surrounded by human suffering, wading through raw sewage and watching your neighbours being made homeless on a daily basis.

It must be like living in Liverpool.

 

I got out of the shower this morning and the wife smirked and looked at my dick,"she said it looks like a tic tac"..

I said "why doesnt your sister breath smell nice then"..

 

one day when I was at school, I got caught fingering an 8 year old girl behind the bike sheds, I haven't worked in a school since....

 

Funny that, I too was in the shower this morning, the wife thinks i have been masturbating with vegetables since she saw me with a lettuce poking out of my ****.

To be honest, that's just the tip of the iceberg.

 

Just got caught ******** Bob Geldof's late daughter.

I've been arrested for Breach Of The Peach

 

Apart from the chance is sounds like peace , its just not a funny joke never mind offensive one?

 

Who are the two most famous black women? Aunt Jemima and Mother F uck er

 

Your turn then....

 

Seriously?????????

 

One for the Scottish lads on the forum



Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

 

You know you're girlfriend is too young when you have to make an airplane noise to get your **** in her mouth

 

Jimmy Carr

 

I never understood terrorist, they commit suicide and might get 72 virgins, they should become priests and have them now!

 

Only the best, I could look for Shaun Lock as he is brilliant as well

 

"When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. Buy my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle."

-Anthony Jeselnik

 

New range of bathroom door locks on sale in South Africa

 

How do you get 96 scousers in a mini?

Get the police to open the doors

 

all this terrorism lark, a bit depressing tbh

long gone are the days you could see an abandoned rucksack on the tube and think

"I'm havin that"

 

Apparently there is a man in South Africa's toughest prison who can reenact the rape scene from Deliverance with remarkable accuracy.

By all accounts he deserves an Oscar.

Courtesy of Sickipedia.org

 

The thread about the film '12 Years a Slave' reminded me of this old one;

The Klu Klux Klan used to play the TV series 'Roots' backwards at their meetings
so that it had a happy ending.

 

Yeah, I play the film "127 hours" backwards,

actually quite a sweet film of a one arm disabled man, who goes for a walk in the desert and finds an arm