john banks

It seems from the people I come into contact with that they struggle with their kids. I can't remember the source of the work, but people with children vs people without tend to have similar happiness levels in old age. Whilst the children are at home, people with children are considerably less happy. The exception was people without children but who really wanted them. They were also quite unhappy.

I don't know anyone old that didn't have kids that says they wished they did. I know lots of old people who wonder why they bothered as they seem to expect care they don't get. I also know lots whose kids do look after them and are appreciated.

tubbytommy

iTrader: (20)

i think you hit the nail on the head there, the friends i have who chose not to have kids, both have good jobs,nice house and cars and dont want to give up that lifestyle.
on the other end of the scale the kids are merely cash cows to claim benefits for.

john banks

It isn't just giving up material things or financial security, although that is part of it.

It is the constant noise, worry, slurry that put me off, along with the risk that you'll do quite well as a parent by any opinion yet your children will be disrespectful nightmares that end up on the wrong path despite your best and competent efforts. I really feel for those parents, and I know a few of them.

LSherratt

iTrader: (1)

I want kids when Im married living in my own house and have a good amount of money behind me in order to give them the best support I can.

I f**king hate, and I mean HATE, single teenage mums who have kids unplanned with a "boyfriend" of 2 months and then claim everything they can from the Govt/council.

I know quite a few people (Im only 21) who I went to school with who have had kids and don't have jobs, don't give anything back, lazy f**kers, and claiming money. Makes me angry because they don't even care.

davyboy

Did your parents have similar concerns about you?

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

I didn't suggest it was, I just hope the guy keeps his opinions when its too late to change them.. I was being nice for once.

Agreed

john banks

I guess so, they split up when I was one. I don't think my father wanted kids at the time and my mother says she married too young. It wasn't an easy ride, I had behavioural difficulties and saw a psychiatrist briefly, and my mother despite the difficulties she faced did an amazing job.

They're pleased how I turned out except my mother would like us to have children, but has given up asking now that she realises I just don't like children, although parents say I'm good with them as patients, and some of them are likeable in brief episodes.

Do I not want children because I had a difficult childhood because of my parents split? No, it is what I've seen since.

oliVeR6

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlnJus_hVjg

P1Fanatic

Me and my Fiancee decided we are not having kids very early into our relationship. I don’t dislike them as often spend time entertaining friends young children but by the same token its only for a few hours and we can hand them back before bedtime.

We just feel we would prefer to spend our time and money travelling and pursuing interests. As has already been said there is definitely no shortage of children and although our not having them will make little difference to the global population at least we haven’t made it worse.

Maybe there should be benefits paid for those who don’t have children as that would soon reverse things. Many think they are entitled to have as many as they want as whatever happens the govt will support them financially

tubbytommy

iTrader: (20)

this is because the govenrnment does. there in lies the problem.

P1Fanatic

I would say that is a better outcome (not having children and regretting it) than the opposite (having children and regretting it).

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

I don't know that you can regret having children.

tubbytommy

iTrader: (20)

ask hitlers mum and dad, (i know they are dead)

john banks

Few admit to it within the family, but a number tell their doctors they do. Even then most don't express it as regret re an actual named child, but if they could make the decision again say they wouldn't.

Beef

Of course you can - a quick Google will find you many examples of people who feel exactly that way.

One mistake that parents make of child free adults is that the child free dislike children, but this isn't true.

What is true though is that it is very easy to dislike parents, who in quite a few cases turn into very selfish, self-important and flat-out rude individuals who expect the entire world to bend around what them, their children and what they want.

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

Isn't that describing people who don't want children ?

jonc

The reasons for those not wanting to have children, amongst others, generally centres around not wanting to lose independence or make financial sacrifices which inevitably brings about substantial changes to current lifestyles. That is fair enough, it is a huge life long under taking after all that should not be taken lightly. However, it can also be said that you will never be able to truly appreciate or understand what impact a child will have on your lives, both negative and positive, until that is you hold one of your very own in your arms. In that exact moment in time, everything else in your life becomes insignificant and nothing else matters except tiny helpless little bundle in your arms . Now I don't want to come across all gushing and everything, but, apart from the initial disbelief, holding my children for the first time changed something inside me that I cannot succinctly put into words, but you definitely know there is a change and whatever it is, it's gotten stronger as I watch my children grow. My outlook on life now is completely different to what it was before children, and whilst there are some negatives to having children, for me, these are insignificant and far out weighed by the positives. My life is far happier and more fulfilling since they came into my life 8 years ago and there is not one tiny hint of regret.

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

If I didn't have kids I'd have my dream house and my dream car but not my dream life, I've always wanted to be a dad and every time I check my bank balance it reminds me I am

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

Totally easy to see why people might regret having children. How many times have you heard a couple say "x was an accident" ...

Hard to believe that all of those accidents were happy accidents, although I don't doubt for one minute that some of them turned out that way! A life change of that magnitude really should be an informed and considered choice by BOTH parties IMHO. Of course, that's not an assurance that it'll work out, but it's a good start!!! I also think it's good for a couple that is considering a child to look after a baby for a bit; you don't realise just how much work it is until you've had a go and once you have, you might well change your mind! There is a very damaging misconception that babies fix or make relationships; they don't - relationships have to stand in their own right; a baby will test a relationship before it will strengthen it!

I do recall reading about a study where DNA was collected off of a fairly large sample of parents and their offspring (not for paternity testing reasons, but that was something that incidentally could be checked in the data generate by the study) and it transpired that a quite alarming percentage of children were not fathered by the man who the female in the study had identified as the biological father!

So if your child is a ginge...... just saying!!

Ant

Well said jonc

Having your own and looking after someone's for a few hours is not comparable.

EddScott

We got pregnant by accident and we are very different backgrounds. Ours was definately an accident.

Met in October, pregnant in February, living together in May, daughter by November. We just missed out on the teenage mother badge but she still had braces on her top teeth so I think she looked the part.

All manner of shenannigans ensued too numerous to mention but 12 years on our daughter has managed just fine. Much better than many of these 30 somethings with academic ability but about as much common sense as a dead rat.

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

But the problem is: not everyone feels as you and JonC do!

Looking after someone else's kids may be very different from having your own to look after, but it does at least provide some insight into the reality of caring for a child, rather than the fantasy or the desire engendered by just seeing the good bits e.g. cooing babies. I recall looing after my 6 month old nephew for a week and I can honestly say, I have never had a more eye opening experience - I honestly did not realise just how hard it is and just how tired you get!!

You wouldn't take a holiday without looking at the brouchures

You wouldn't buy a car without going for a test drive

Yep some people "end up" as parents i.e. a lifelong comitment of the highest magnitude without any kind of forethought or foreplanning. Personally, it makes no sense to me!

BTW I'm not knocking the parenting of anyone who falls into the above category: as I said, I believe it can and does work - I just don't think it's a good idea!

Beef

The difference is that our lifestyle choice doesn't have any impact on your own - we don't clutter up pub walkways and overhead lockers with baby paraphernalia, we don't ask for dedicated spaces at the supermarket, we don't start screaming on flights because of the noise/pressure changes, nor do we require stewardesses to heat our bottles.

Were I to complain of noisy children at a pub I would get at best stares of death, but it's 'acceptable' to ask my mates and I to 'keep it down because the baby is sleeping' at 8pm on Saturday night.

bigsinky

but.....but......but......I thought you were a fat gheyer?

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

The man has a point! Although I think it's like any other lifestyle choice; you don't HAVE to impose it on others and it's good form not to, but often less considerate people do! E.g. I have mates who simply refuse to take their baby on a flight because they feel it is unfair to other passengers. When asked about how this disadvantages them they say: that's part of being a parent, we knew what sacrifices we'd be making when we decided to go down this road, now we're seeing it though! Fair play! They can have their car park space for that!!

Ant

All you describe is normal life, I've never flown when I was without kid and moaned about kids crying maybe you need to relax more

But I will never take a baby on a flight Ellie will be having her 1st just before she's 2

tubbytommy

iTrader: (20)

for the purposes of newbies who feel it offends me to call me a fat ******* despite my username i add that bit for them too.

jonc

At 6 months that when it get fun. Try looking after a new born, that is tiredness on another level. . Whilst looking after someones elses child gives you some insight into the "functional" aspects of child care/rearing, it does not come close to the emotional and psychological aspects. I'm not dissing those who choose not to have children, like I said it is a massive life changing commitment and I respect that decision as this lifestyle is not for everyone. I rather a couple to not have a child than for them to regret having them as that is not fair on the child.

Beef

I'm perfectly relaxed about it - when you're only buying 2 tickets it's easier to get into a higher class to get away from the families

But there are those that are bothered about very young children on flights crying a lot, or bored older ones running around/kicking the seats (and yes, I have seen these behaviours). This is where 'selfish parents' are causing an imposition on others by not controlling their children.

lordharding

iTrader: (1)

I'm all confused in life married 13 yrs ago and better half didn't
Want any more kids , I lost one , got a stepson whose 26 get on
Great with but he has moved to Australia and will never be back
So worries me as we get older going to leave half to my charity's
And groups I work with and the stepson can have some and I'm going
To blow the rest with early retirement plans abroad
But I worry sometimes that should of had a 2nd wife who wanted
Kids so I just don't know as I enjoyed being a dad 21 years ago but that's
Life I guess
Those who have kids enjoy them and live them as your really lucky
In life .