Shared custody in Uk, fathers for justice
03 September 2010, 11:08 AM
#31
As far as the csa are concerned they are scum who mercilessly go after the Fathers who are willing to pay, whilst leave the fekless and ones on benefits to gett off scot free.
Since my Dad died they have sent me 3 bills stating that I have to pay them £2k in arrears for my OWN child maintenance
The heartless *******s even sent him a letter stating that he had to pay it or they had the power to take his driving licence away. Well they are welcome to it as seeing he has been dead 6 months I don't think he has much use for it
And all this despite the fact that they admitted he had overpaid after I turned 18 and that was 11 years ago.
03 September 2010, 04:32 PM
#32
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Yes unfortunately this can be the case.
My bitch of an ex-wife has caused trouble on a few occasions and both times the police have been called out. First time she decided that she would do this to my scoob with her foot
Result: the police came out and cautioned her. waste of their time as far as I was concerned
Second time she decided it would be fun to block my driveway and sit there until I agreed to her demands. Police called again, a waste of time for them. They asked her to move on.
Result: I got a lovely letter from the Child Services saying that they thought I should sort out my differences and not involve the kids.
Charming isnt it. I get the letter even though she initiated the conflict and my kids get to see their chavvy mum behaving like some deranged Jeremy Kyle candidate.
So as a word of caution to the OP from someone who has been (and still is) at the sharp end of an ex-partner/wife that likes to play games.
I have lost track of the amount of times I have had to bite my tongue, walk away (even when being hit across the head at the time) and turn the other cheek because it was either in front of the kids or not worth the hassle.
Thing is because you have a child together, unfortunately you will never be rid of the other person and sometimes you will just have to bite the bullet and try and be amicable. Never easy.
I just try and make my time with the kids as special as possible
My bitch of an ex-wife has caused trouble on a few occasions and both times the police have been called out. First time she decided that she would do this to my scoob with her foot
Result: the police came out and cautioned her. waste of their time as far as I was concerned
Second time she decided it would be fun to block my driveway and sit there until I agreed to her demands. Police called again, a waste of time for them. They asked her to move on.
Result: I got a lovely letter from the Child Services saying that they thought I should sort out my differences and not involve the kids.
Charming isnt it. I get the letter even though she initiated the conflict and my kids get to see their chavvy mum behaving like some deranged Jeremy Kyle candidate.
So as a word of caution to the OP from someone who has been (and still is) at the sharp end of an ex-partner/wife that likes to play games.
I have lost track of the amount of times I have had to bite my tongue, walk away (even when being hit across the head at the time) and turn the other cheek because it was either in front of the kids or not worth the hassle.
Thing is because you have a child together, unfortunately you will never be rid of the other person and sometimes you will just have to bite the bullet and try and be amicable. Never easy.
I just try and make my time with the kids as special as possible
As you say, make the most of your time with the children. Thats what really counts now of course.
Les
03 September 2010, 04:43 PM
#33
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if you pay a pension throw more money into it,this is the only thing the csa take into account(when working out your payments),better in your pocket than their's
06 September 2010, 08:25 AM
#34
God I forgot what a silly bitch my ex-wife is.
Just had the boys for the weekend and I realised that I had no spare clothes for my eldest. So had to go out and buy him some more stuff. This happens all the time s
So I texted the witch and asked her if she could send more clothes with him next time.
Her response was for me to go out and clothe him.
So what the hell is my monthly maintenance for I ask her ?
Apparently my money pays for their clothes when they are with her but when they are with me, I am expected to pay for everything else !!
I already take them on holiday every year (something she has never done ) and pay for all that, feed and look after them when they are with me.
She really takes the ****ing the proverbial
Just had the boys for the weekend and I realised that I had no spare clothes for my eldest. So had to go out and buy him some more stuff. This happens all the time s
So I texted the witch and asked her if she could send more clothes with him next time.
Her response was for me to go out and clothe him.
So what the hell is my monthly maintenance for I ask her ?
Apparently my money pays for their clothes when they are with her but when they are with me, I am expected to pay for everything else !!
I already take them on holiday every year (something she has never done ) and pay for all that, feed and look after them when they are with me.
She really takes the ****ing the proverbial
06 September 2010, 01:09 PM
#37
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Well, I would count yourselves lucky as I am seeing it from the other side. I have never stopped her dad from seeing her, in fact I make sure she goes, even when she says she doesn't want to. And to say that it's the woman's new partner who makes it as poisonous as possible really takes the **** in my case, Dave does everything to keep it amicable. If anything, it's his new wife who stirs things up and always makes comments about me and what we do. Hollie comes home from there every time to tell me she's said something else about me or Dave - not warranted, I can promise you. Luckily, I have learnt not to counter argue as this just causes more problems.
Things like this pee me off though - I have agreed with him to a private agreement which is probably about half the amount he should be paying through the CSA. They are always saying to Hollie about how little money they have, (he has got 3 further kids with the new wife) and saying it's my fault etc. but then I find out from Hollie that they're having a conservatory built!
Things like this pee me off though - I have agreed with him to a private agreement which is probably about half the amount he should be paying through the CSA. They are always saying to Hollie about how little money they have, (he has got 3 further kids with the new wife) and saying it's my fault etc. but then I find out from Hollie that they're having a conservatory built!
06 September 2010, 02:47 PM
#38
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Well, I would count yourselves lucky as I am seeing it from the other side. I have never stopped her dad from seeing her, in fact I make sure she goes, even when she says she doesn't want to. And to say that it's the woman's new partner who makes it as poisonous as possible really takes the **** in my case, Dave does everything to keep it amicable. If anything, it's his new wife who stirs things up and always makes comments about me and what we do. Hollie comes home from there every time to tell me she's said something else about me or Dave - not warranted, I can promise you. Luckily, I have learnt not to counter argue as this just causes more problems.
Things like this pee me off though - I have agreed with him to a private agreement which is probably about half the amount he should be paying through the CSA. They are always saying to Hollie about how little money they have, (he has got 3 further kids with the new wife) and saying it's my fault etc. but then I find out from Hollie that they're having a conservatory built!
Things like this pee me off though - I have agreed with him to a private agreement which is probably about half the amount he should be paying through the CSA. They are always saying to Hollie about how little money they have, (he has got 3 further kids with the new wife) and saying it's my fault etc. but then I find out from Hollie that they're having a conservatory built!
They should both be grateful that you are being so reasonable about the maintainance and she would do well to stop trying to undermine you. she would really have something to whine about if you decided to renegotiate the maintainance of course! Might take something like that to make her realise how well off she is.
Les
06 September 2010, 03:26 PM
#39
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As usual Clarebabes it is down to personalities. Nothing you can do about it, I have seen all that sort of thing as well. She is probably feeling uneasy about the situation but that does not excuse her behaviour of course. it is very unfair but I imagine that your daughter will know the real truth of it anyway.
They should both be grateful that you are being so reasonable about the maintainance and she would do well to stop trying to undermine you. she would really have something to whine about if you decided to renegotiate the maintainance of course! Might take something like that to make her realise how well off she is.
Les
They should both be grateful that you are being so reasonable about the maintainance and she would do well to stop trying to undermine you. she would really have something to whine about if you decided to renegotiate the maintainance of course! Might take something like that to make her realise how well off she is.
Les
I just wanted to point out that it's not always the ex-female partner who's the "bitch", it can sometimes be the dad and also the dad's new partner. The experience wasn't a nice one at all, but that was mainly because of her. If me and Hollie's dad had been able to sit down and calmly talk about it in an adult manner, then I think it would have been a lot easier.....
06 September 2010, 03:31 PM
#40
It works both ways clare. Friend of mine has his wife's ex-husband down as the complete areshole and believe he is.
Seriously think that there should be an ex-partner or ex's dating website where aresehole ex-husbands and bitch ex-wives can go and meet. I am sure they will get on well
Seriously think that there should be an ex-partner or ex's dating website where aresehole ex-husbands and bitch ex-wives can go and meet. I am sure they will get on well
06 September 2010, 04:33 PM
#41
My first marriage finished 20yrs ago,x bitch nearly drove me crazy so one day with no witness drove to her sorry no my house put her against the wall gave her 2 choices,worked for a while,but alas how do you deal with a lying cheating spiteful piece of shyt?
One bit of advice,get a book note every action record every phone call dont let on,everytime you talk to her record it,not now but later great evidence,set up a savings account in child name put regular amounts in.Do not get upset get even,bite your tongue,get male solicitor,
Good luck my heart goes out to you !
One bit of advice,get a book note every action record every phone call dont let on,everytime you talk to her record it,not now but later great evidence,set up a savings account in child name put regular amounts in.Do not get upset get even,bite your tongue,get male solicitor,
Good luck my heart goes out to you !
06 September 2010, 04:46 PM
#42
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5t.
06 September 2010, 10:24 PM
#43
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Issue here (not saying it is happening but it does) is that child wants their parent to be happy and will say things that get a positive reaction. In cases like this the child could be saying similar things to both sides as the response it brings is often something nice for them (even if it is only feeling important and listened to).
5t.
5t.
07 September 2010, 10:55 AM
#44
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My mate was in a similar position to you, getting tales back about who said what etc, when he had a chat with the ex he found the same stories had been going back the otherway too. They had a sit down together with the little lass and explained about telling the truth. All sorted.
Just saying that if someone does find themselves in this situation then a chat might reveal a few things.
5t.
07 September 2010, 11:47 AM
#47
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Its a difficult position for a young person to be in and it is hardly surprising that he or she might say the right things at each end for the sake of peace. The real hassle is caused by one of or both of the ex-partners as a rule.
Les
Les
07 September 2010, 06:28 PM
#49
Sorry to Hi-jack but some cracking advice from 1st hand expereince it seems is better than reading woffle on official websites
Me and my partner have just split,well,she left,not for another fella she tells me LOL LOL,anyhoo,13 yrs,2 kids but NOT married,mortgage in my name only (her bad credit,not by choice)
she says she wont get the CSA involved as i am now on my own i will be left with £100 a mth after bills.
she will be very well off,child tax credits,child benefit,council tax and rent 75% paid for (she works 20 hrs a week so a low salary)
she says i can have the kids every other weekend.
gutted,i am sole carer 99% of the time for the kids,she works evenings,so i usually feed them/put them down etc,so for that to change is gonna be hard,anyhoo,as i dont want CSA involved either, i cant really afford to make her angry.
is there anything else i should be wary of once she has moved out fully (she is at a mates for now,renting soon,i have the kids)
cheers
Me and my partner have just split,well,she left,not for another fella she tells me LOL LOL,anyhoo,13 yrs,2 kids but NOT married,mortgage in my name only (her bad credit,not by choice)
she says she wont get the CSA involved as i am now on my own i will be left with £100 a mth after bills.
she will be very well off,child tax credits,child benefit,council tax and rent 75% paid for (she works 20 hrs a week so a low salary)
she says i can have the kids every other weekend.
gutted,i am sole carer 99% of the time for the kids,she works evenings,so i usually feed them/put them down etc,so for that to change is gonna be hard,anyhoo,as i dont want CSA involved either, i cant really afford to make her angry.
is there anything else i should be wary of once she has moved out fully (she is at a mates for now,renting soon,i have the kids)
cheers
09 September 2010, 10:25 PM
#50
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This is such a big topic for all poor soles going through the mixer. I'm still stuck wondering what my ex will do next and not sure if I should stick with limited contact (which sucks big time) or go for shared custody now with her still breast feeding and saying I cant have her over night till at least 6 months.
09 September 2010, 10:55 PM
#51
In your instance,unfortunately the baby is best off with mum for now, breast feeding etc (as long as she is doing the best etc for the child) at such a young age i think it would be awkward sharing the baby as such until at least 1 yrs old
good luck with it all
good luck with it all
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