Snazy - I'm glad to hear that you have answers - not the ones in your heart of hearts you would have chosen, but at least you know how things stand, and what options are open.

I don't think I can add anything more to what everyone else has said^^ - they have summed it up nicely.

All I would say is that recently my partner & I have had to come to terms with someone we love dearly suddenly falling ill. It was my fiances nan, and although she was suffering from a different condition, the whole process of watching things decline was a terrible, and heart breaking journey - especially when things were out of our control. Yes there were times when we were angry. There were times when we could not stop ourselves from sobbing our hearts out - but looking back over the past few months, I like to think I have gained some resemblance of peace with things.

I take comfort in the fact that throughout her short illness, we were there with her - from little things like making her the puddings she always loved, and printing out a picture of her beloved dog, to just sitting with her and holding her hand or brushing her hair. She knew just how much we loved her - sometimes it the small things which make the difference .

We were with her when she died.

I think we will be eternally grateful that we had the chance to show her, and to put into words and actions just how much we love her - so many people don't get that chance.

I guess what I am trying to say, is no matter what the future holds, make sure that you treasure the present, and make every moment one to remember - for both you & your mum. There is plenty of time to grieve - but only a snippet of time to love.

I'm sorry if I have rambled and taken over the thread a bit, but once i started i couldn't work out how to put it all any simpler

 

No worries Ginge, good words, well put All makes good sense to me.
Saw my nan take a rapid decline after being diagnosed, seeing her in a comatosed (sp) state was qite upsetting.
Once she passed it was almost a relief that she was no longer in pain.

The whole post summed up nicely with your words "There is plenty of time to grieve - but only a snippet of time to love.
"

Beautifully put

 

 

Can't tell you how sorry I am to hear of that prognosis Snazy. I was hoping against hope that it was less advanced.

It is a good thing if she accepts the chemo, at worst it will prolong her life and that can't be a bad thing. I have a very close friend who has inoperable liver cancer and his chemo has already prolonged his life by a couple of years and there is another bloke attending chemo as well who has been going on for 5 years so far.

It has been known for the problem to go into full remission, so keep your and her hopes going strongly.

My best wishes to you both.

Les

 

Lisa,

I was so happy to hear your news, what a worry that is off your back.

Les

 

Les, as usual thank you for your comments
Indeed prolonging of life is a good thing and certainly a bonus at a time like this. Any number of days extra to spend together, are good

The acceptance of the chemo is based on the effects it has on her health etc. With shortness of breath being one of the possible side effects, it could yet cause problems with her COPD, which would mean ending the treatment.

Im hoping that the treatment will not be too harsh on her, and she will keep the treatment up. Im going to give her nurse a call tomorrow and discuss the matter a little more, and get some more info along with time lines etc.

I am aware that there have been cases where its has gone into full remission, but to be fair im not getting carried away on false hopes or small hopes. I would rather face the worse for now and see if there a silver lining out there to be found.

My main concerns right now are...

Get the facts inc any possible time lines
Find out side effects of treatment
Plan a few things she wants to do
Get her to open up a little about her feelings
Get her to communicate it to her sister about whats happening.


Thats just a few things that are on my mind right now.
Will blog and vent a little more later.

 

Quick update, lots of appointments all scheduled for tomorrow now, spending the day at the hospital with mum while its all done.

More here
Snazy's Space

 

Small update on the blog....
Snazy's Space

A day of tests in the hospital, and another scheduled for next Tuesday.

Mum in good spirits as ever today, spent the remainder of the day talking over the future plans for "when the time comes"

 

I hope you can get her out of that frame of mind Snazy. She needs to be absolutely positive to aid her recovery. Hope you get some better news from the tests etc.

Les

 

The tests are really just to see a few things...

How far the cancer has spread into her body, if at all.
If her bones are good for chemo to go ahead

The prognosis remains as it was, that the breast cancer is too far progressed for it to be anything less than terminal.

However the thing to get into her head is to make sure she understands "terminal" does not mean tomorrow. And as you say, with the right frame of mind, and treatment, the expectancy could increase very nicely. Which im sure deep inside she would love

 

All understood Snazy, but never give up hope I say.

Les

 

Not for one second

 

Quick update...

In short for those not fancying the read of the blog (link below)
CT scan and Ultrasound today, along with a couple more biopsies. Smaller of the 2 cancers is now growing fast, and spreading through the lymph nodes.

Full info on the day here... Snazy's Space

 

I don't really know what to say, but here goes. It is really good to hear that you are both managing to keep in quite good spirits, it is so important at a time like this. I guess all that can be done at the moment, is put your faith in the doctors etc. involved and hope that they can do all that is possible to give her the best care and chances as possible. I bet you are relieved she is getting all the tests done, and seeming to be open to treatment,considering how worried you were about this in the beginning.

If it is possible, it would be a really good experience for her if you can take her away, I hope you will be able to do this. As I know nothing about ear conditions like this I'll not say whether it will be or not. It may be good for her to get away, and help her overall wellbeing.

I am closely following your blog, and wish you all the best. As for the emotional side, believe me it's better out than in so to speak, and I never thought the Rock would make me cry.

 

Totally agree, crying and expressing emotions is not something im afraid of doing, or worried about admitting to Just sometimes I guess the inner strength refuses to let you reach that stage while going through emotional times. From experience, thats the case with me.
Thank you for following the blog. It seems to have again attracted some attention, with some reading it from the start, now there is dedication!

As for the getting away, holiday etc. She is a stubborn old cow, and very against going away, purely as its something different. Given her previous rejections of things such as TV, microwave, electric kettle, large fridge freezer, dishwasher etc, all of which now form part of her daily life... im sure her attitude can be changed.

Doing some reading up, it appears she is ok to fly, so I wanna hear less whining and more sighs as she unwinds and relaxes

With regards to her condition, its hard to know exactly what to expect, however im sure the appointments at Guys next week will reveal what they plan to do, what the final prognosis is, and if there is such a thing, what the expected times and developments are predicted to be, From that stage on things will become a little more realistic to us all im sure.

Cant really put my thoughts in words without sounding like a plum, but hey...... thank you for caring makes a difference.

 

Believe me Snazy I really do care, and although I'm not the best at putting down my thoughts, especially in this case, I'm always about if you need an ear. That's what friends are for.

I hope next week, you get the answers you need, at least then you can sort of move forward, the waiting game in some ways is the worst part, as you simply have no idea where you're at.

 

P.S. from your blog, you're doing your best at expressing how you feel, it is incredibly hard to do, and I haven't mastered it yet, and I can really go on, but you don't sound like a plum.

 

So true I have to agree. Waiting without knowing is indeed a pain in the frickin ****. Sadly with mum not being too forthcoming with the actual facts, it makes it harder, even though she thinks she is doing the right thing.

Believe it or not, one of her biggest worries is having any debt when she dies. I keep saying not to worry about silly things right now, but guess pride in some is stronger than we can understand.

As for putting your thoughts into words, you do well Sincere and to the point, nothing quite like it. Sometimes I go on a little too much in my blog, getting a little too deep in thought, but I guess its my release, so better to do it that way.
Gonna get working on the book again this week, hoping to get some time free tomorrow to get some foundations down, and get filling it in. Times like this, writing is a true release. (can you tell lol)

 

Cheers, its not always my greatest writing, but sometimes its enough to touch a nerve or reach home for some reading. If it makes a difference to one person, it was worth writing. The "book" I have been writing has already had a hard impact on some of those who have read it.

 

If writing is what helps you then be true to yourself and write til you can't write anymore.

I don't think you go on too much in your blog, you put down how you feel, and I'm not a big reader, but you've never bored me yet. It's your coping mechanism, so use it all you need to.

As for the bit about your Mam worrying about the money aspect, mine was exactly the same, it seemed to be her main concern, but I told her not to worry, and that everything would be taken care of one way or another, it's just not important at a time like this. But do they listen.. never.

 

Exactly, if your words can impact even one person it is worth it, and they have me, so that's at least one already.

Maybe one day I'll get to read your book.

 

Aint that the truth. You know I think more and more each time we go to the hospital or anything, the older she gets, the more our roles reverse. Im now the parent keeping her in check and she is the annoying little kid getting it all wrong lol.

Glad you enjoy the read Like I say, sometimes it makes sense, other times....... well...
An old friend from school likes to read some of my stuff, and seems to recall me being very easy to talk to at school. Not the same guy I remember being lol.

As for reading the book, buzz me over a PM with an email address and I will send over some of whats there. You might think its crap, or you might cry...... who knows.
Personally its the only book I can honestly say I have read every word of (so far)

 

I felt the same with my Mam, still do in some ways.


It's weird how other people view you, some of my mates have opinions of me that couldn't be further from what I'm like, but I guess they just go by what they see. I don't know how you used to be, but I could imagine from my experience now, that you would be good to talk to.

PM incoming

 

I have many honest ways of expressing opinions of myself, unfortunatly the profanity filter would edit most of them out.
However other people usually seem to give me a good rating for some reason. Easy to talk to, honest, deep and not afraid to speak my mind.... some of the finer points so I am told.

Indeed it is wierd the opinions people form, but its the impression we leave as we touch them (in a non pervy way) Again something my book reflects upon.
And something that will be written much more about over the coming weeks

Guess thats one of the reasons my mum is finding it easy to speak to me about things right now. More as a friend and someone to support her, than her son.

 

Your a good guy, even by my limited interaction with you, I see that. Other people often see what we don't about ourselves.

It's weird you say about the friendship with your Mam, as that too is what I've found. She talks to me now about allsorts, and it does feel more like we're best friends too, rather than just mother and daughter. I think it's partially down to growing up and the relationship changing, but partly to do with some of what we've been through (not just the cancer).

 

Only just seen all this Snazy.

I am sorry to hear about the spread of the cancer through the lymph glands. It does not mean that nothing can be done though. When my tumour was examined after removal there were cancerous cells in some of the lymph nodes. I did the full chemo therapy to sort that out. So far it all seems ok, the last lot of tests said I am clear, so the chemo seems to have worked. I tell you this because that could also be the same for your mum if she accepts the full treatment.

Chemo is not so nice of course but not impossible to put up with especially when you think that it is all for the good.

I read your blog too, there is no reason why she cannot fly with the eardrum removed it would take any ear problem on that side away anyway. Its the eardrum itself which gets the hassle when your ears are blocked when flying.

As ever, my best wishes to you and her.

Les

 

Cheers Les
The flying thing I think is something that just has to be forced, as with most issues with her lol. Very keen to get her somewhere though.

Just about to speak to or leave a message for the case nurse, so I can find out exactly whats going on and get some more information

I have read exactly what you have said on the subject of lymph nodes, and can only hope she will accept full treatment. However for her condition surgery is an almost must to make the rest of the treatment workable, and that right now is a long way off being acceptable for her.

On the up side, her mind has changed over a lot of things, so IF surgery is indeed an option, then she might yet give in. However there has been no mention of it so far.

 

Off to Guys Hospital now for some more tests and the consideration of starting chemo. Another interesting day, but I shall be sure to report back whatever happens.

 

Hope you will have some good news for us Snazy.

Les

 

OK this is sorta how it goes.

Prognosis, still terminal, expectancy 12-24 months. (could be longer obviously)
Decided treatment is oral chemo, on a course of Capecitabine (Xeloda) which will be used to try and shrink and control the larger growth, to make life comfortable in the meantime. And prevent any further growth of it, and indeed weeping which causes discomfort and odour.

Couple of weeks of that then a break to check it. Treatment starts next Wednesday. So back to Guys on Wednesday morning next week.