Been away Nick, hope all is going alright.

Les

 

thanx mate

 

bit off good news today mum went to hospital today christies and they where quite pleased with the results off her first chemo session they can actualy see through the cancer on x ray now where as they coudnt before early days

 

Glad to hear that Nick. Thats really encouraging.

Les

 

Brilliant news mate
How is she coping on the chemo? Staying quite well I hope.
Heres to the remainder of the treatment having a positive effect.

Mum's chemo worked wonders too.

 

That's good news fellas, keep us posted .You know green tea can help here too guys.

SB T

 

wife is very upset she had to shave my mums her off yesterday i coudnt no ***** my daughter ran a 10k race for cancer research today and finished it good on her im so proud wife is very upset

 

Well done to your daughter mate, and super well done to the wife for her efforts, must have been tough. Nice you are all doing this together.

 

Its never easy when some one close is very ill,my mum may have something very wrong with her head off to the specialist this week[hopefully if they don't cancel again] ,and my dad is in hospital with a bad heart and has probably picked up this mrsa thing.
All this after my partners mum has just had both breasts removed through cancer and chemo sessions to boot is all getting abit much but i must say its people like Nick schofield that help with it all whaen i rant to him thanks mate and i hope your mum gets through this
regards Ryan

 

thanks ryan i will always be there for you snazy michael will be there for you as all off us on here pm him as he is a nice guy snazy still comin christmas i hope then you can meet the family

 

Nick, congrats to your daughter for that.

As for your Mam, don't feel bad about not managing to do it, it must be really tough for all of you and you should never feel ashamed for finding things difficult along the way. There is no rule book on how to deal with such situations. The only advice I would give is, keep working through this as a family as you are so far. Be there for each other and hold onto the hope that although this may have been a difficult step, it will have been worth it.

Take care and all my love to your family.

 

You have got a lot on your plate as well. I hope things turn out for the best.

Les

 

Sorry to hear your news Ryan, sounds like you are indeed going through the mill right now. Being able to share it, talk about it, or even just get a conversation started about how you are feeling is very important too. Even if it is just occasional messages on here, or to friends etc. I find it helpful to start the words flowing, and then just going with it. I tend to discover feelings I didnt even know I was having.

Fingers crossed for mum, and thoughts are with your other's mum half for having such a procedure carried out, she is lucky to have someone standing by her through this, so I wish her a speedy and full recovery.

If you ever wanna vent, there are quite a few of us now who know what you will be going through as a relative of an ill person. As I have said a lot of times now, its all too common for the relatives and loved ones to be forgotten when someone has cancer, yet it is those who need a lot of help and attention too.

 

That means alot snazy thanks,i must amit that its very hard at the moment because i want to be there and keep strong for my parents as we all would but with both of them being very ill its does become abit to much on times and i find myself with a horrible sinking/lost feeling and don't know how to deal with it.
It very reasuring to have people who know how it feels to speak to and vent some of it out on thanks to all.
You'll just have to bare with me as i do find it very hard to talk about it alot of the time as it really upsets when i get going but once again thanks for the kind words and support
kind regards Ryan

 

No worries mate, we all cope in different ways, but its easy to dig yourself into an emotional bunker, and shut yourself off from the world, a little like I did.
Work have arranged some counselling for me now, something I could have done ( and you can do ) through McMillan, so its well worth considering if you feel yourself slipping. Also helpful to have someone else to watch over you and let them be honest about your changing state.

The lost feeling is only natural, its something you are completely out of control of, and its more than natural to feel lost when we lose control of a situation. Frustration, confusion, and anger are all very common in such situations, so dont get thinking that you are alone, or just behaving differently to anyone else. You are only human after all

On another note, I also found blogging very helpful. Its strange how once you start writing your thoughts and feelings down, then reading them back, you can actually start to see how you tick. A bit to some I know lol.

Being strong is very important for everyone of course, but remember to allow time for yourself to exist too. Im sure you are doing them proud, and will come through this a stronger person for it. Who knows, in years to come you might meet someone in person or on a forum going through similar, and be able to offer them your experiences as a lesson and comfort too

 

as above youve got my number anytime mate

 

mums been back in christies this week kept her in bloods are no good kidneys not workin properly today at this time she is having a blood transfusion seriously stressed me with the long hours i work

 

My best wishes for her Nick.

Les

 

Hi Nick, really hope your mum pulls through.Best wishes to her mate & your mates are here if you need a shoulder like.

Nathan.

 

Sorry to hear she is still going through it mate, I'm sure they will get it all working fine again soon.

Sounds like a little time off for a few days might be in order, if poss. A little time to recharge the batteries, and get your head clear again. That's what I do when it gets on top.

BBM me if you wanna let off some steam.

 

thanx mate she home again now the bad thing is it keeps putting her chemo back btw your jokes are improving

 

Lol don't blame me for the jokes, I am not responsible lol.
For all the bad side effects the chemotherapy is having, rest assured the positives can be so worth it.
Had a convo with mum the other day when she said she was going out, she was going to get a fitting so she could wear a bra again. Reminded her that she had refused treatment and would be gone by now. She was very real about the whole matter, and admitted it has all been worth it.

 

Nice to hear she is coping well snazy and see's the benifits,when my mother in law was having chemo it was very hard for my partner to see her with no hair as well as looking off colour,not to mention the fact her breasts where gone.
All in all though its been worth it as she is all clear now and hair is just starting to show again now.
regards Ryan
My mother still hasnt seen the specialist so ive been talking to her and trying to make her go private as the migrains are getting out of hand now it cripples her really and im also very concerned about her collapsing again which happened afew weeks back when the shadow/lump was picked up in her brain along with a bleed.
Father is looking brighter though and the out look there is looking good.

 

Glad to hear that she has got such a good attitude now Snazy. Hope she will continue like that.

I just looked at the chemo such that I knew it was so necessary regardless of the side effects, that helped a lot to put up with all that bit.

Please give her my best wishes even though she does not know me.

Les

 

Cheers mate, it's a complex thing to go through from this end too. One minute you are accepting someone wants to be left to die, and the next moment you are planning for the next couple of years for them, making sure their needs are met.

Sorry to hear about your mum, is she waiting to go through the NHS channels to a specialist? Or just not going to see anyone? Next time she is in pain, go along to casualty, get her in the system that way.

Good news about dad though

Yeah her attitude has changed a lot now, which is positive, she is talking about doing volunteer work to pass the time now, I suggested something in McMillan or cancer research UK.

Your view would be the same as mine, a necessary evil for the greater good.
I will indeed pass on your wishes.

 

Right, a brief update from me. Excuse the writing style, I took it from a blog entry I just finished.



Anyway today I realised one of the things that's been eating away at me, and that has been the secrets that I have been keeping. Mum not knowing that I told my aunt about her cancer, and also not telling mum that my aunt had also told me she had a lump too. So after thirty seconds of thought I decided the time was right to come clean.

With mum feeling a lot better, and having recently been fitted with her prosthesis, I felt that she had sort of reached the end of this journey, and as she is re charging and finding her step again, I thought what the hell. Sitting her down I opened with... "Joan is ill" Which in itself is no revelation, as she has been off her food recently, but there was more to tell.

A few minutes later mum was sitting in quite a shocked state. We talked a little more, just so I knew she was ok. Then I gave her some time, reassuring her I was there if she wanted to talk.

Returning an hour later she looked much happier, and told me she had called Joan back and told her she knew that I had told Joan about mum. With that Joan told mum she was ill too.
Mum went on to tell me more that I didn't know, such as Joan had now seen a doctor, who has confirmed it IS cancer now. So todays news is, mum AND my aunt now have breast cancer. Sadly 200 miles apart, but that's something I plan on changing if I can.

Now that mum has been through the journey, and Joan is just at the start, who better to be there for you than a family member who has been through it all recently. The tough part is now getting mum to travel up to see her. I say tough, in theory its a no brainer. I can drive her NOW if she agrees to go up there. But this is mum, and nothing is ever that simple.

Joan has had her options given to her, and one the options is of course surgery. I'm her case she has been told that she may stay in longer as she has no one at home for her. Cue mum... With her recent experiences, who better to be at home for Joan, and what better reason to go and see her than making sure she can be out of the hospital sooner (having someone at home).

So that is the conversation at the moment. With Joan being off her food, and mum coaching her with what to eat. As well as being someone to talk to about the whole situation. Being living proof that there IS something that can be done about the situation. Joan is a fair few years mums senior, but there is hope. And while there is hope, its my job so to speak, to make sure they are both doing the right thing.

So I'm not sure if the stress level just went up or down, but a part of me feels better that its all out in the open now. I would really love mum to get up there asap, I.e tomorrow. If its not that soon, I would dearly love it to be before I go on holiday. So that's my mission.

Fingers crossed mum sees sense.

 

very moving story michael brought tears too our eyes you doin a good job mate feel for you all

 

Cheers Nick, sorry for causing you any sadness or emotions. Gawd only knows you have enough of your own right now.

Had a long chat with her earlier, but know when my words were just getting irritating to her, so left it there.
Might plan a trip up there some time very soon and just ask mum if she wants to come too. That's the next approach anyway.

 

Sorry, just wanted to add a later blog entry to sound off a bit.....

Now call me selfish, ignorant, or just plain stupid, but I just don't get it. Maybe its just me being weird, or different to the rest of the world, but to me its just a natural act, progress, paying it forwards.

What am I talking about you are wondering? My mum of course!
After todays revelation about her sister being ill too, and the subsequent phone call they held, after they had come clean I was expecting something more than seems to have happened.
Instead of which, it seems there is just a stalemate again.

I asked mum if she would come up to see her sister with me in Wales very soon. To offer support, share her own experience, and boost my aunts moral. Let alone help my aunt make the brave decision to accept treatment sooner than mum did. To my surprise she replied with a flood of reasons and excuses why she could not, would not and should not go. Or not now at least.

They ranged from, wait until we know what's going on (errm we do mum, she has cancer), to I can't do long journeys in the car its too tiring (um, mum, I'm driving, we can stop whenever, and when was the last time we drove a long way). Needless to say its all very frustrating right now, and there is a certain element of deja vu present too.

Now to me, I feel compelled to use any experience in life, in any way I can, in order to help others. Be it a blog (like this), to forums chatting, IM chats, or phone calls. If I feel anything I have been through can benefit someone else, I share it. And armed with that experience I would go to the ends of the earth to help someone else and prevent them going through the same. Now make that a member of my family and suddenly to even question my commitment would be deemed offensive.

Right now mum and Joan are 200 miles apart. While it sounds a fair bit, its nothing more than a drive away. One I am willing to begin this very second if the need arose. However it appears this is not to be the case. Mums view on it right now is, she is willing to be there for Joan, but only wants to make the trip once. For me that's a no brainer. Go there now, help her make decisions, bounce ideas about, see her through surgery and recovery, then see what happens next.

However mums line on this is to wait a bit until some decisions are made, then be there for her if she goes ahead with treatment. While that is commendable, something still screams at me that Joan could really do with some support right now, and someone close to her to talk to. And with that in mind, I get the impression I will be making a trip to Wales this Friday. I will let mum know I am going and open the invitation to her. If she wants to come she may. All I know is, I went through this all for mum, and cannot just stand by and watch my aunt go through it alone. So I will hold out the hand to offer support.

I was the first person she ever told about it, she had lived with it as a secret for ages. And while I kept it from mum for some time, once the time was right I told all. And for a reason, so they could offer mutual support, and so one of them would not die in pain and the darkness of their own lies and secrets like their other sister did.

So tonight I am left a little confused, and little annoyed, and somewhat wound up about the whole matter.
In the meantime I will make my own plans, draw up my own agenda and do what I usually do.... My own thing.

Families eh, what a complete pain in the ****!

 

Its a difficult situation for you Snazy and I am sorry about it for you.

It may be that neither your mum or Joan want to have to talk about it all, they may each find it easier to deal with if they can put it to the back of their minds. Hard to say since I don't know them. Maybe they will change their minds about it but I think all you can do is to wait and see what pans out. I doubt that you will change your mum's mind about it.

You could certainly take her there on that one trip and see what happens after that. Whatever you do I hope it turns out best all round of course.

Les