Cheers Les, pretty set on going up there as soon as I can. Its not so much that they dont want to talk about it, they already do. Now I broke the ice they talk on the phone about it, treatments etc.
But there is only so much a voice on the phone can actually do. My frustration is with my mum not wanting to go up there until Joan has surgery. I would love dearly for her to be there before that, to talk to her, counsel her, and just be supportive in ways I cant.

Fingers crossed I will be able to afford the trip on Friday, and Joan will be available. I will invite mum, but if she decides not to come, thats her decision.

In counselling this morning I had a moment of realisation, and suddenly things became a lot easier for me to get to grip with. Thats not to say this is not a double blow to me, it really is. But I think I have found a way of coping while getting on with things.

 

Glad to hear about the counselling revelation Snazy, You have a lot on your back and need a way to help you to cope.

Hope your Mum will come with you and that it turns out to be a successful visit. I am sure it will all go well when they see each other.

Best wishes to you and your mum and Joan.

Les

 

Yeah thats the whole thing Les, I know once she actually goes up there all will be well, and start to fall into place. But she has this whole thing about how bored she will be, that they wont talk and so on. Which is all just a front to try and put it off.
I know deep inside she is worried, misses her sisters company, and would love to spend some time with her.

Thats why sometimes it just feels like im banging my head against a brick wall. Excuse after excuse. We has the same with replacing the fridge, buying the first microwave, replacing the tv, getting a mobile phone and so on. She opposes anything that you present her, and its apparently my job to convince her that she should go with things.

On another note, I hope all is well with the other guys going through the same, please feel free to share updates or just vent

Fingers crossed I will know a little more of what is going on by the weekend.

 

ill keep my fingers crossed aswell mums back in christies tommorow for another chemo session hope it goes well and her bloods are alright this time

 

Got my fingers crossed for your mum too mate, let me know how it goes
Have they assessed the progress yet or too soon?

Will decide tomorrow if I am gonna manage to get to Wales. Hope I do, the fresh air will be nice. All be it a long day.

 

very happy with the progress mate its cold up here startin to get cold warm in london hey i worked down there for twelve years take you coat mate

 

Lol I love cold etc, hence looking forwards to it. Snowdon in Feb, that's cold !

Glad the progress is good. Hopefully I will be about to say the same about Joan soon

 

Best wishes for her as well Nick.

Les

 

thanks les

 

Grrrr bloody families!
Mum been talking to my aunt tonight, and it's been decided I should not go up there till she has had the operation, the date of which is not yet set.

On top of that, mum decided to tell Joan how ineffective chemotherapy is, and that it's not worth having. She claims it did her NO good at all, and was pointless pain and discomfort. Seemingly forgetting everything it did.

A little pissed off right now.

 

bet your are mate she should be positive towards joan

 

Yeahbwas talking it thru with the missus tonight and still can't work out mums angle on this. I think I will call Joan tomorrow .

 

Snazy, I think Les is right here. No offence to him, your Mam/Aunt, but times change and I find alot of my older relatives are of the mind of toughing things out or burying under the carpet/not talking about problems.

I know the relationship I have with my parents is alot different to theirs with their parents and no doubt if I ever had kids, mine would be different again.

I feel it is a more modern thing to really discuss feelings and all that. It's not a bad thing by any stretch, but if someone older isn't 'that way' you can't get too mad about it as it was just how things were/are for them.

All you can do is encourage, but not force the issue. Be there for them and try to understand where they both come from. Of course it's frustrating but your perspective is different and as Les says, there might not be much chance on changing their attitude.

One thing that may be worthwhile is reminding your Mam how much good her treatment has done (even if it's been tough) and at least get her to give Joan some hope even if she doesn't actually visit just now. Hopefully with or without the words from Mam, Joan will see the potential benefits just from the fact your Mam is still here after all this time.

Good luck with it all, but Snazy and I don't mean any offence, you need to realise sometimes you can't have control over a given situation however right you think you are (or just are). You can't put that pressure on yourself to make things right. By all means encourage them, but you can't shoulder all of the burden.

Take care.

 

Lisa, thats the whole point. Mum IS talking to Joan about it, they are being very open about their situations now.... Problem is mum is giving off all the wrong signals, saying chemotherapy was painful and pointless etc. She is saying some positive stuff, but a lot of the stuff she is saying is more likely to put Joan OFF treatment.

I think we have passed the different upbringing stage now, and all parties are willing to talk, it's more a matter now of about saying the right things.
It was hard enough for me, having never been through treatment to guide mum through it, so I was hoping with her experiences, getting Joan through it would be easier, but apparently not.

Mum has either blocked out, or completely forgotten what has happened over the past couple of years, part of it will be her just forgetting details, but some of it is just a pita.

In the meantime she has managed to convince Joan I should not go up there yet, which is another blow.

As for me, dark corner today, not a happy bunny, but I'm sure it will pass.

 

Got me questioning myself now, thank heavens for long internet threads with info on them. Just read back and there is is, the chemotherapy worked causing it to shrink. Having just told her, she is saying I must have my info wrong lol. Says its was the RT that caused the shrinkage. That's right mum, the RT you refused up until that Xmas lol.

Well I feel a little better now knowing I was not talking too much rubbish.

 

You were right Snazy, can't think why your mum is being so awkward. Worth telling Joan the real story too, put her mind at rest in case she is worrying about it.

I am sorry it is being so difficult for you. We all realise your concern for them both. Maybe as Lisa says it would do you good to step back a little.

Les

 

I would love to step back Les, but I just dont have it in me.
Sister is expecting again, so has disappeared off the radar a bit again.

The idea was, while everything was calm, and mum was not going to hospital, I would take some time out. However I was not expecting another close relative to be struck down at such a "bad" time. Doh.

Im hoping I can get a word in with my aunt about this, to put her straight so to speak, but only time will tell. Last thing I want to do is cause a feud between them.

 

Yes you will have to swallow your own feelings and tread pretty carefully Snazy. I am sure you can get around it though.

Les

 

Well Joan had her appointment yesterday, so waiting for her to call mum today or tomorrow for an update.

 

keep us updated mate ill have my fingers crossed

 

Same here Snazy.

Les

 

Sorry for the rant, just wanna blow off some steam here.....

What the hell is the matter with people!
Just spoken to the woman looking after my aunt and am delighted with what she has been doing for her, eternally grateful.

Having spoken to her for a long period and having had a very frank discussion with her, it is clear that Joan is not in a good way. Not on her last legs, but they are NOT operating, she is on oral chemotherapy, they suspect the cancer has spread to her bones (scan will tell, had it today) and she is feeling a bitt poorly.

So, yes yes stupid me, i asked my sister and my mum if they would join me this weekend in visiting her.
I only have 5 seats in the car, so can't take everyone, sister has 3 kids and her boyfriend, then there is mum, so suggestion would be 2 of the kids, dad stays with the last, mum and sister come...... Apparently she can't make it. Neither of them have jobs, but apparently the father of her child is incapable of looking after his own daughter. Worrying as they have another on the way.

As I explained the situation to mum she talked about it, as soon as I said about her coming up, the bunged up nose voice started and she said she had a cold. In an instant she became too I'll to travel.

Honestly...... I'm sick and frickin tired of this crap now!

 

crap aint it mate take care mate

 

Cheers dude.
Sure does, just gonna do my own thing now.

 

go on your own mate if no one else is interested i would

 

Oh I'm gonna mate, just like I did last time. Just shameful that it's the done thing now.
Got the hospital details, ward, phone number etc now, so just planning my trip. Seeing what else I can fit in that day during the round trip.

 

One of the wife friends was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago,

She's had surgery, and now starts Chemo & Radio therapy

Then yesterday she tells me about one of her other friends, (who i know fairly

well) father is being tested for prostate cancer , apparently its genetic, and

the same gene, can cause breast cancer, so there all being screened.



Hang in there Snazy,


Mart

 

good on yer my mums up and down cant smoke or drink and she has been a big drinker so its hard work

 

Cheers Mart, sorry to hear about all that, not good.
Mum and her 2 sisters have all had cancer, mum and sisters has breast cancer, her sisters both spread, mums was caught hopefully thanks to the treatment she gave in to.
Their mum also died from cancer, and their aunt.

My daughters Nan also died from cancer, and her grandfather died from heart disease. Hence I would love my daughter screened. Now to make contact!


Sounds like a tough one there mate, hope it's not too hard on her.
Fingers crossed I will chill out,and mum might change her mind.... Maybe!

 

Well Snazy, for your own peace of mind, all you can do is to go yourself. If your mum won't go and the others find it all too difficult then there is little you can do to sort them out.

You will do her good by seeing her anyway, she needs some kind of encouragement of course. I think that is the best way to look at it and sod the others for their attitude. Let them stew!

Sorry for all your problems too Mart, hope it sorts out for the best.

Les