Bubba po

As was mentioned earlier, don't get into arguments with her. Your word is LAW and you have to enforce it dispassionately until she gets the message. This doesn't mean that you take away the love and rewards when your kids do good things. Appeasement and negotiation when confronted with appalling bad behaviour and disrespect for yourself and Donna needs to be met with strict (not violent) enforcement of the power relationship. Once they know where they stand, bad behaviour all but disappears. They are also more loving, because they have respect for you.

Bubba po

Also, using third parties like Santa, teacher, or the "Naughty Police" only work in very small doses and when they're very young. It just means that you're not dealing with it yourself, and your kids will learn very quickly that that is what you're doing.

Ben v7

She needs a damn good thrashing I'd say.

Seriously... I guess this is a situation where she needs to learn authority and your going to have to take a firm line with her. Definately sounds like a problem that ought to be nipped in the bud asap, as this behaviour can't continue as she grows older without unpleasent implications. Don't try to reason with her - she doesn't have the mental capacity for it - structure and disciplin is what needs to be provided.

The above all in my opinion of course - I don't have kids.

Bubba po

I only need to raise my eyebrows at mine, LOL.

Ben v7

And that's the way it should be surely. The kids know what the boundaries are and that there will be consequences if they cross them. Will stand them in good stead for life in the real world, at work etc...

In my opinion too many parents try and be 'matey' with their kids, putting them on the same level by attempting to reason and justifying themselves to them - this is not the role of the parent in my book... not saying the thread starter is doing this especially, but I'd say it's time to teach this child the meaning of authority and the importance of obedience (it's not as if the schools are hot on discipline this days so who else is going to do it?).

Bubba po

We have lots of matey conversations and sometimes he's cheeky, but he's learned to judge when it's ok, and to know exactly when playtime is over or if a mark has been overstepped. There's no point being a tyrant in your house all the time. Your kids will be scared of you and they won't love you - they might fawn over you if they're terrified, though.

Stephb1986

I think she feels slightly left out with the amout of attention you are showing the other children? and perhaps when you take her karate is more like your dumping her there instead of quality time with her? maybe you could change your chart slightly to days of the week and if she's had a good day put a smiley face and if she's had a bad one put a sad face and at the end of the week if she has mainly smiley ones reward her with something??

Ben v7

Yes that sounds right to me.

Have to build a trusting relationship and not have your kids afraid of you - else they will go behind your back, rebel perhaps, get up to all sorts without seeking any of your guidance. Wouldn't want my kids, should I ever have any, being too afraid to tell me things encase I'd get angry...

But when all is said and done they would be in doubt who's the boss, what the rules of the house are and what won't be tolerated. I'd hope they would have a lot of respect for me in the end as I do for my farther.

mart360

right hand, 45 degrees, swift movement in 180 degree arc...

welcome to parenthood

i had 3 sisters all older, it was a right bunfight, as they allways wanted the pressys i got.

leave them too it, the 4 year old will find a way to get even.

failing that just start binning toys,, or beter still make them do it....

once they know dad means business........


Mart

Julz1983

I haven't read through all the thread but can relate to most of it, but not with my daughter, it's her cousin thats the prob.

he is 9 and my daughter is 3

Everytime he has been here he twists his face as soon as he sees Shannon, he'll start by whinging that her toys are baby's toys but then she will start screaming coz he has taken he own toys off her even though he hates them!
I caught him putting toys on to a higher shelf in her room so she couldn't reach but when I questioned him the reaction I got was 'it wasn't me', well it was, he was outside with her and dragged her off the fence she was standing up on resulting in the palm of her hand absolutely full of spelcks, he denied it, there has been alot more things but in general he is really horrible to her and he's so sly, he even kicks out at my sister in law, he done it here one day, kicking her, punching her, she had bruises, so Drew my hubby pulled him away and he started on Drew aswell, kicking etc, Drew warned him not to start coz it wouldn't be like his mam just taking it.

Last week we went round to my mother in laws and she was looking after him for the day, yet again as soon as he seen Shannon his face twisted, they went upstairs to play, next min Shannon is downstairs saying he'd hid her toys, and he had, high up again but denied it, then we were sitting downstairs when there was an almighty bang from upstairs and Shannon crying, we went up and he had pushed her off the bed which is quite high and on to the wood floor, she has a big bump on her head and bruised knees, and he's just sitting there with a smug look on his face playing his PS2 still!!

Then when Shannon went back upstairs after coming down for a while she went to go back in the bedroom, he was at the other side of the door not letting her in, so I went up, he heard me coming up the stairs though, when I got there he was sitting on the bed playing his games , I said 'don't mess with the door and stop Shannon from getting in coz you'll jam her fingers in the door', his reply 'I wasn't doing anything', so my MIL came up and said 'is that why the door handles warm?'. Soon shut him up.

He's so sly, seems to set out with a personal vendetta against Shannon, calls her stupid if she's doing something, but we tell him that he was 3 once, he doesn't quite believe this

I know that when he comes over xmas he is going to have all her new things ruined thats why we have said already he is not going up to her room coz everything will be wrecked, coz even though she has girls stuff and for a younger age group he still seem to act jealous, he's spoilt anyways, but if he was my kid he wouldn't dare try to do all of the above.

Hope you get it sorted sonic, I know how you feel.

CrisPDuk

That little **** is just a bully Never mind just talking to him, not punishing him when you both know he's been lying just lets him know he can keep getting away with it, he'll keep going further & further until one day your little girl will end up in hospital

My mother is one of five children, when I was growing up i was roughly in the middle of a dozen cousins. The eldest, who was older by a couple of years, was a snidy tw@t (he still is 30 years later), who bullied the rest of us, just as you've described, and just like his Dad did with his siblings.

He learned his lesson at my Gran's one day though he pushed one of my other cousins too far, and she broke his nose & knocked three of his teeth out with a tennis racket

Moral of the story, if you can't get your sister in law to accept that her son is a little ****, get your daughter some unarmed (or armed) combat lessons

Julz1983

Well at the end of the day maybes if my sister in law wasn't so laid back in disciplining him he wouldn't be this way and it's up to her to put him straight, I'm in no way shape or form getting my daughter to retaliate and be as bad as him coz it will be the very time he is made out to look good and she isn't but has had to put up with his nastiness, he knows not to pi55 me off coz at halloween when i had him I warned him so much and told him he wouldn't be going trick or treating if he didn't listen or behave, he carried on and I eventually flipped and went mad at him shouting, he knew then he'd over stepped the mark with me, I'm only human and can only take so much but he just takes the biscuit.

Clarebabes

Re: the original post, your daughter sounds so like mine, but she has no siblings at home! She has low self esteem at times and does play up, doesn't accept anything's her fault and takes no notice of punishments.

However, 75% of the time she's lovely, so I suppose I can't complain really.

Abdabz

Sell naughty children on e-bay... Make sure the buyer pays the postage though. Do not offer warranty and ensure "buyer beware" is quoted. You dont want a bad press on Babynet.com...

D.K.1

LOL Abdabz

She's been really good today, she has surprised me!!

She went to a party with her brother last night and they both got a selection pack.

Today she told me that when she opened it she would share with Tania because she didn't have any, they both shared with her, the whole lot is gone now, but at least they shared and I told her what a nice thing it was to do We have all sat around the table and decorated christmas shaped shortbread with writing icing this afternoon, which they all enjoyed too So again I praised her on how well she had decorated hers and for sharing the different colours with her brother and sister, she also even helped me do some tidying up!

Last night, she was crying because her brother won the prize on pass the parcel and said she didn't want him to win it, she wanted it, but today she is fine and made a massive effort to be good and nice etc Hope she keeps it up!!

When she gets the attention, like when we play games or chase her to tickle etc she loves it and she can be so loving too, far more than she used to be, when she was younger she hardly ever came to me at all and didn't want my cuddles, but now she will sit with me etc. She's so much nicer and better behaved than she used to be before we left their Dad. He rarely sees them and is hardly ever in touch, but when he does phone, that tends to set off some kind of reaction and that is when she will be worse. Maybe it's the rejection and she doesn't understand why things used to be how they were On the other hand she might be thinking along the lines of, what has she done wrong to make her get the brunt of the violence in the past and why he hardly bothers with them now? It is really hard to tell what goes on in her little head