SMACS Muppet and Numpty corner
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From: Manchester - Official SMACS Cleaning Freak who suffers from OCD
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From: Heart of Midlothian FC aka Hearts have the nickname "The Jambo's" - therefore I'm a Jambo too.
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Joined: Mar 2006
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From: Heart of Midlothian FC aka Hearts have the nickname "The Jambo's" - therefore I'm a Jambo too.
We'd hired one to help Dee's sister move to a new flat. We finished shifting the stuff on Saturday afternoon but we'd paid for the van til 9am on Sunday.
My mum had been wanting to swap a matress she had for the one we have in our spare room so I thought we might as well use the van whilst we had it.
75mph on the A34 bypass just approaching the junction for The Unicorn and all of a sudden there was a horrendous hissing noise. I thought maybe it'd blown a pipe off but then I remembered it's a diesel with less guts than a girl's fart.
So I pull into the layby near Dean Row and as I walk to the front I could feel air rushing with a hell of a force out of the front offside tyre valve. Bu66er.
Whilst it still had air in I moved it into the Lidl car park so that I was away from the road.
Has anyone else changed a wheel on a Transit??
What a fooking farce that is - undo a bolt by the back door which allows access to a screw. Use the pointy end of the wheel brace to reach screw and turn to lower the spare wheel. Reach over to spare wheel and undo butterfly nut holding wheel to L shaped mount. Break 4 years of rust (53 plate van) to make L bracket into an I. Remove spare tyre and pray it has some wind left in it.
All in the baking heat. I was fooked and I hadn't even got the nuts loosened or the van jacked.
Couldn't be arsed putting the equipment back so threw it in the back.
My mum had been wanting to swap a matress she had for the one we have in our spare room so I thought we might as well use the van whilst we had it.
75mph on the A34 bypass just approaching the junction for The Unicorn and all of a sudden there was a horrendous hissing noise. I thought maybe it'd blown a pipe off but then I remembered it's a diesel with less guts than a girl's fart.
So I pull into the layby near Dean Row and as I walk to the front I could feel air rushing with a hell of a force out of the front offside tyre valve. Bu66er.
Whilst it still had air in I moved it into the Lidl car park so that I was away from the road.
Has anyone else changed a wheel on a Transit??
What a fooking farce that is - undo a bolt by the back door which allows access to a screw. Use the pointy end of the wheel brace to reach screw and turn to lower the spare wheel. Reach over to spare wheel and undo butterfly nut holding wheel to L shaped mount. Break 4 years of rust (53 plate van) to make L bracket into an I. Remove spare tyre and pray it has some wind left in it.
All in the baking heat. I was fooked and I hadn't even got the nuts loosened or the van jacked.
Couldn't be arsed putting the equipment back so threw it in the back.
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From: Heart of Midlothian FC aka Hearts have the nickname "The Jambo's" - therefore I'm a Jambo too.
Next morning I took the van back and explained what had happened. The guy asked why I didn't drive it to somewhere I could just put air in to top it up. 
Err, cos the tyre was flat? Imagine how fooked the tyre would have been if i'd driven it two miles to the nearest petrol station, pr1ck.
At this point he walks round to the flat tyre in the back of the van and presses it WITH HIS THUMBS!!!!
"That tyre isn't flat" was his expert deduction to me.
I walked off at this point without saying a word.
Err, cos the tyre was flat? Imagine how fooked the tyre would have been if i'd driven it two miles to the nearest petrol station, pr1ck.
At this point he walks round to the flat tyre in the back of the van and presses it WITH HIS THUMBS!!!!
"That tyre isn't flat" was his expert deduction to me.
I walked off at this point without saying a word.
my suspension is knocking something rotten on my car, really need to have a look at it at the weekend 
Only does it when warm though. May post on clubcalibra see if it is common
Only does it when warm though. May post on clubcalibra see if it is common
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From: On the PC, sipping a beer and listing to old skool choons :)
Not been on for a while
Only been back in from work for an hour or so
We have a Nike tournamant on, sponsored by the dirty reds(aka-Man United)
its a reet ****** i tell's ya, theres scores of unders 16's teams from all round the world all over the site, the ******* are everywhere 
Only been back in from work for an hour or so
We have a Nike tournamant on, sponsored by the dirty reds(aka-Man United)
its a reet ****** i tell's ya, theres scores of unders 16's teams from all round the world all over the site, the ******* are everywhere
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From: Heart of Midlothian FC aka Hearts have the nickname "The Jambo's" - therefore I'm a Jambo too.
Sorry about that.
A fellow club member was asking for somewhere to get part worn tyres and, as it happens, I know a place so thought I'd help the fellow club member out as in my head that's what friends do.
I'll keep my gob shut next time.
A fellow club member was asking for somewhere to get part worn tyres and, as it happens, I know a place so thought I'd help the fellow club member out as in my head that's what friends do.
I'll keep my gob shut next time.
