How do you get a leper out of a bath?
With a shovel.

 

of course it's true

 

2 nuns in the bath.


one says "where's the soap?"

the other says " yeah, it does does'nt it"

 

lmao

 

Two nuns riding a bike down a cobbled street. First one says "I've never come this way before." Second one says "Me neither. Must be the cobbles"

 

lmao

 

How can you tell when a prostitute has had a good night?







She takes her knickers off, throws them against the wall and they stick!

 

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

 

The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a computer voice intoned. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong ... Nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."

 

lmao

 

A bloke rings the Guinnes book of records one day, demanding to speak to Norris Mcwhirter. After much ado, he eventually gets through to the main man himself.

Bloke: "Norris, my wife has an 18" fanny, is it a world record?"

Norris: "I'll have to check, but as world records go, it will certainly take some licking"

 

still not in muppets...

 

3 prostitutes all commit suicide.

1st one jumps off the Empire State Building and it takes 3 days to clear the mess.

2nd one jumps off the Eiffel Tower and it takes 3 days to clear the mess.

3rd one jumps off the British Telecom Tower lands on a lamp post and it takes 3 days to wipe the smile off her face

 

Dyslexic man walks into a bra

 

 

How do you tell if the barman's pi55ed off????

...there's a string hanging out of your bloody mary?????

 

.What do you call a fat chick whith a yeast infection?
A whopper with cheese

 

 

Elysium black muscat is the perfect partner for chocolate desserts.

 

, tell us the one about the cabinet sovignon alan

 

Two prostitutes walking down the street. Police car zooms by with its sirens blazing, turns round a corner and speeds into the distance. One says to the other:

"You ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"

"Nah, but I've been swung around by the ****"



















old but good

 

scouser is walking down by the docks one night.

a prossies asks him " hey soft lad, do you wanna a blow job?"

he replies, "dunno like, will it affect my dole money?"

 

A young man was on his first date with the gorgeous young woman and decided to impress her with his abilities in wine tasting. He told the wine steward to bring a bottle of 1985 Sterling Cabernet Sauvignon from their Carneros district vineyard. Upon tasting the wine, the young man scolded the wine steward, "This is obviously a 1987 vintage from their N. Coast vineyards near Calistoga, please bring me what I ordered." As the second bottle was poured, the eonophile tasted the wine and proclaimed, "No, no, no, this is a 1985 all right, but it's from their Mt. Helena vineyards!" An old drunk sat watching the display from the bar and staggered over to the couple's table. He said, "Wow, that's an impressive talent you have there, can you tell me what's in this glass?" Not wanting to pass up an opportunity to impress his date, the young man tasted the liquid in the drunk's glass. "Geez, that tastes like urine!" the fellow yelped, as he spit the mouthful out. "That's right!" exclaimed the drunk. "Now tell me when and where I was born."

 

- smartarse

 

That is a fine jape Alan. Well done.

 

Yes, cut and paste, my forte.

 

I think you'll find it's copy & paste , but we get the idea

 

That is indeed a useful skill. As long as one can resist the temptation to pass the text off as one's own rhetorical device.

 

Yes, quite. Stems from my old school background in publishing, the "book" I'm writing remember.

 

I always consider the self-undermining of one's own credability by use of this rhetorical device.