Whats round and red?












A green triangle in desguise.

 

Whats got 8 legs and a big black c**t???

The A-Team!!!

 

A painting contractor was discussing a job with a woman. In the first room she said she'd like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down, went over to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up." In the second room, the woman told the contractor she'd like a soft yellow. He wrote this down, went over to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up." In the third room, the woman asked for a warm rose color. The man wrote this down, went over to the window, opened it and yelled, "Green side up." The woman then asked him, "why do You keep yelling 'green side up'?". "I'm sorry", came the reply, "But I have a crew of blondes laying turf on the other side of the street

 

Whats got 2 legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a cat

 

What's got two legs, a wheel, and flies?






A wheelbarrow full of sh*t:

Alcazar

 

Whats red and crawls up a girls leg....




...a homesick period.

 

Whats pink and slides down the window?



....Condomsation

 

Went to a dsylexic rave the other day and got offered some F

 

What's brown and sticky?















A stick

What's 7 pages long and full of ****e?











This thread

 

What is the drug of choice in Yorkshire, and how do they take it?























E, by gum.

 

Just to keep the theme going:

Luke Skywalker struggling with the chopsticks in a Chinese restaurant. Darth offers him some advice, "Use the forks Luke".

What does DNA stand for?
The National Dyslexic Association.

 

here are a few! also submit some of urs for the world to c!!!!

www.funny-free-jokes.co.uk

 

Man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says to the Barman

'Pint of Lager please, and one for the Road'

 

Three pieces of tarmac are in a bar arguing about who is the hardest. The first says "I'm the hardest I'm from the M4 and have 150,000 cars drive over me each week" The second piece of tarmac says "I'm the hardest as I'm from the M25 and have 300,000 cars drive over me each week" the third says "well I'm a cyclepath!!!"

 

A young Amish boy, Little Johnny, is sitting on his bed reading
the Bible. Suddenly, his father storms in, grabs him and drags
him out into the pasture.

In the pasture is one sheep chewing grass. His father points to
the sheep and says, "Thou hast had sex with yon sheep!"

Little Johnny kneels and says, "Father forgive me for I did
indeed spill my seed in yon lowly beast."

Saddened his father says, "Thou art forgiven my son. But know
this... there will be REAL trouble if I taste it again."

 

Three cowboys were sat round the campfire one night, discussing how tough they were.


The first cowboy said " I'm so goddam tough, that last week I took on 10 injuns in one go, and shot each and every one of them"

Not to be outdone, the second cowboy piped up " you call that tough? - last week I got into a fight with 20 injuns, and killed em' ALL with just a knife!! "


The third cowboy said nothing at all....






























...........he just carried on stoking the fire with his ****

 

Two bits of string sat in a pub, drinking whisky.

In walks a third piece of string, all taffled up and a bit the worse for wear.

The clever barman asks it, "I bet you want a whisky too, eh?"

And the bit of string replies: "No, I'm afraid not":



Q. What's the biggest drawback in Africa?

A. An elephant's foreskin


Q. What's grey and comes in pints?

A. An elephant.


Q. What's grey, got 4 legs and a trunk?

A. A mouse going on holiday.


Q. What did the grape say when an elephant trod on it?

A. Nothing, it just gave out a little whine.


Q. Why do elephants have 4 feet?

A. 'Cos they'd look daft with only 6 inches!

Alcazar