stevem2k

1. A Springbok team is deemed to have scored when the ball has been
passed twice without being dropped;

2. If a Springbok player reaches the opposition 25 yard line - without
having dropped the ball, falling over his own feet or running into one
of his own players then - a try will be allowed under the posts. (Martin
Johnson is not too happy about this but has agreed to a compromise in
that the conversion will have to be taken from the touchline);

3. As the Springboks fear physical contact, agreement has been reached
that should a Springbok back-line player tap one of the opposition players on
the shoulder, that player will be considered as having been tackled and will
immediately have to release the ball;

4. A penalty will be awarded should a Bok player be tackled in such a
manner that either his hair is disturbed, he cries out in pain, his arms are
pinned thus preventing him from breaking his fall and causing one of the above,
he cannot see the TV cameras or his clothing is dirtied;

5. Should an opposing player glare at or make derogatory remarks to a
Springbok player, last-mentioned may report him to the match-referee.
(George Gregan objected and the IRB has agreed to include a clause that
states "...from a distance closer than 5 metres")

6. Spectators are not allowed to display unsavoury banners that in any
way emotionally upset the Springboks. Those found guilty hereof will be
forcibly removed from the ground. Similarly, spectators found guilty of booing,
hissing, talking, laughing or moving whilst a Springbok is preparing a
kick at the posts, will be banned for life from attending matches that
involve any Springbok rugby team;

7. The media will publish only information approved by the Springbok
management. The Aussies disagreed and have, therefore, been allowed to
send a representative to the editing sessions;

8. The terrifying and intimidatory All Blacks HAKA has been banned from
matches involving any Springbok rugby team;

9. Should the scores be level at fulltime, and in the unlikely event of
the Springboks finding themselves in the opposition half of the field, then
the Springboks may choose between either a kick at the posts or an
uncontested scrum in their favour; and

10. No Springbok put-in at either a line-out or a scrum may be contested
by the opposition. Vacancies Rudolf Straeuli is to advertise for vacancies
in the team. The advertisement will read as follows:

Due to circumstances beyond our control, we are urgently recruiting for
the following positions:

1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
11)
12)
13)
14)
15)
16)
17)
18)
19)
20)
21)
22)

Requirements:
No rugby experience is necessary. Applicants need a pair of boots and a
gum-guard. Full training will be given and a rule book given to each
successful applicant. Applicants need to make themselves available for
IRB World Cup in 2003.

Successful applicants:
All successful applicants will need to meet at Johannesburg International
Airport.

Thanking you,
Rudolph Straeuli

Sponsorship:
The Springboks have lost their Castle Lager sponsorship. They will now
be sponsored by Tampax to help them get through this difficult period.
Uli Schmidt (team doctor) has been sent home and will be replaced by a
gynaecologist.

TheScooby

That is quite good, have to say that they do deserve it at the moment. Do you know what? I have a similar one about the English Cricket Team. Do you want me to post it

TheScooby