Well, I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, it just seems easier to say it and get it all off my chest to people I don't really know, and can't see heh.

Back in May, a few weeks before my Nurburgring trip (and the reason it was planned so quickly) I was told by my doctor that the cancer I had been fighting on and off since I was 13 (I'm 25 now) had returned, and this time it was unfortunately terminal. I've had all the treatments going, and had more operations than I can remember. But whilst this was obviously very hard to hear and take in, my family and I did know deep down this time that this would be the case - although of course we were hoping and praying it wouldn't be, it was just too much to wish for.

So, I quickly through together the Nurburgring trip with a couple of mates (one took the week off work unpaid), and also made a long weekend trip to New York - as these were both things I really wanted to do and we didn't know how long it would be till pain or other sympotoms got too much. The cancer is growing in my back, basically where the ribs would be (I had 6 or 8 removed last year and replaced with a cement plate)on the right hand side about half way down my back.

It didn't seem to be getting much worse, pain or external size wise and all was going quite well. Then last week I noticed my legs felt a little weak, but I'd felt a bit crappy and hadn't been up and about much for a short while, so i just put it down to a little weakness from that. Then, last Saturday night (the 16th), I had some mates round and I started getting really bad pains in my back, and after a little while I had to ask them to leave - which I absolutely hated doing - as it felt like I was losing control to the illness. They're really good mates and of course weren't bothered about been sent away, and were just worried about me. After a little bit me an my mum decided we had no choice really but to call the doctor to give me a shot for the pain. 3 hours later when the doc turned up, despite us having some special numbers to call what with my situation been what it is, he doped me up really good, an after about an hour I was able to drift off to sleep.

Then early Sunday morning, I woke up, and was utterly terrified because I could hardly move my legs, I had no idea what to do, and couldn't get up so I just grabbed my mobile an phoned our house phone to get my parents up. We had a little chat and I managed to relax a bit, as we all thought since as I was very groggy, it was just the painkillers, so I went back to sleep to sleep it off a bit more. But, when I woke up later (2pm by this time!) I couldn't move my legs at really, just little twitches.

We've since had doctors out etc and actually the local hospice people and GPs combined with the occupational therapists and Macmillan nurse have all been brilliant this week. But, now, I can't move my legs at all really, slight toe twitches and the skin has feeling, although it's patchy as to how much, but I can feel pressure, scratching, temperature etc over most of them. The thinking seems to be that the tumor is pressing on the nerves, although it'd be very hard to give me an MRI scan to see because I'd have to lay flat on my back, on this big painful lump for over an hour and remain still, which would be nigh on impossible - although there was talk of using a little anaesthetic to just lay me out for the scan, but we'll see on that.

I wasn't getting around much anyway, and it does seem since this happened that I've had a lot less pain - although this is no complete conselation, I have to try and look at the positives otherwise I'd go mad heh.

But, one thing that is really upsetting me, is that I obviously can't drive my R27 anymore. I've had a vague look around the net for info on hand controls an stuff, but I haven't really had the heart to research it properly. It does look though as if your best bet is to get an auto, and just go for handcontrols, as it takes away loads of complication for changing the gears, but again, I don't really know. If anyone can help me out here, and knows anything about this stuff, I'd be very grateful for anything you could tell me, or any tips about places to look etc. There is also the Motability option of course, but I really love driving, hence why i have the Clio and even though I'd be hugely grateful for the car and the use of it, I feel as though I'd maybe be happier buying my own sporty auto and getting it sorted - so I can have the car I want. I'm not stuck for money, so it's not a huge factor here I'm just trying to make sure if I do anything here, it's the best option for me. If I get my own and get it sorted an then it's a nail that keeps breaking down, it'll cause more heartache. Whereas if I take the Motability car, and have the peace of mind of it being completely maintained and brand new etc, would it maybe be better, even if it's not as much of a 'drivers car'. I dunno, my head's all over at the moment so who knows, there's just so much to look at.

Anyway, that's it really, I've tried not to mention the ills till now really, although a couple of people know, and a few others have asked me, so I just wanted to put this up, just to get it off my chest really as it almost felt like, when replying to certain threads, I was holding something back. It's felt quite good just to type it all out, and spell the whole situation out to myself - please don't take this post as just a long winded whinge for some sympathy, I'm not asking for donations or special treatment or anything (well, if you're insisting on the donations hehe ) - I just wanted to lay all that down and get it all said - I'm still me, and no doubt a few of you still think I'm a tw@t hehe And having just quickly proof read this post, I apologise for the length of this long, self involved, ramble!

Dan

Cruise4Cancer

Hi, my names Nick. I’ve been a member of UK Fiesta Network for a while now and seen what a closely knit community there is here, and have enjoyed sharing my passion and love for fiestas.
For what this place has given me, I am here to ask you for your support in raising awareness for cancer research. My partner and I have spent many an hour throwing ideas about, trying to find an original and hard hitting method to raise awareness and financial support for cancer research. I know you have heard it all before, however please read on and support us in our bid to make a difference...

The Inspiration

Cancer has caused indiscernible heartache, worry and surprisingly joy to myself and my family, but it doesn’t always work this way as we know coming off the back of Jade Goody (RIP) and the millions of other
people around the world who are not fortunate enough to get the specialised treatments that has the capability to help people fight the seemingly endless battle against cancer.
Early last year my brother, Andrew, aged 25 became a victim of Hodgkin’s disease (a form of cancer), he was the most unlikely candidate, he was healthy, mentally and physically strong and took pride in taking care of himself. Using this strength and state of the art technology and medicine Andrew managed to fight this deadly disease due to his determination by trying his hardest to remain as strong as ever no matter how hard the cancer was hitting him. What was without a doubt the toughest time of Andy and my family’s life, he is now recovered physically from his ordeal and continuing on to be the man I did and still do look up to. Not every story ends this way but with you help we can change this and make stories like my family’s a more common occurrence.

How Can You Get Involved?

We are in the process of organising either a massive Car Run e.g. London to Brighton, London to Paris or a static event at a top venue. We are not focusing on any one car club or car manufacturer but spreading it to every corner of the automotive industry. With your support we can make this an incredible event as well as a life changing one for millions of people affected by this devastating disease by raising money for Cancer Research.

Please either post here with you support/ideas or email us at Cruise4Cancer@hotmail.co.uk

Thank You,
Nick and Georgia