Is this any of you ?
18 April 2000, 06:29 PM
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From the daily telegraph.
Be warned. The man in possession of a top-drawer motor is likely to be an emotional retard, says Catherine Moye
IT'S not often I go down on my hands and knees for a man, especially not in
public, on a main road. But what was there was so small you had to have
your face pressed right into it in order to see it.
"It's just a scratch," I protested, looking up at him in supplication and
wonderment.
"Just a scratch!" he exclaimed, growing more irate. "Look, it's got a flared bit
on the end of it." He pointed out the flared bit.
I had just come to a halt in the back of his Mercedes, scratching its registration plate. He was pacing up and down, red-faced and fuming. I can't remember anyone that upset about a car since I crushed my brother's Tonka toy in the door of my rabbit hutch when I was seven. I feared he would burst into tears at any second and I reached into my pocket for a tissue.
Immediately I recognised he was suffering from a classic case of Mercophrenia and I made lots of consoling noises. I once had a boyfriend who suffered from a BMW behavioural disorder and I had become expert
at diagnosing the emotional car cripple's many symptoms:
1. Over-reacting to the slightest of marks on their vehicle.
2. Palpitations at the mere thought of wife or girlfriend sitting behind the
steering wheel.
3. An inability to park in a municipal car park or close to a housing estate for
fear of vandals.
4. A morbid preoccupation with shoe dirt on the carpeting.
5. A reluctance to remove protective plastic seat-covering.
6. A tendency to dig out gravel caught in the tread of tyres.
Most of us have at some time been on the receiving end of the madness
suffered by this unfortunate group of headcases. Similar conditions include
SchizoFerrari, Porschanoia and delusions of Granada. In some men their
pride and joy just brings out the worst monster inside them.
"It's a fact that some men get very emotional about their cars," says
psychologist Matthew Joint, head of behavioural analysis at the AA,
"because they associate them with territoriality, speed, power and even
bravado.
"Petrolheads, especially, choose to drive a certain car because they are
attracted to a particular image and want to take that image on board for
themselves. If the vehicle is damaged, even slightly, and loses its value, the
individual feels it lowers their value as well."
It is one of the supreme ironies that the majority of car manufacturers use
anti-nerd advertising strategies featuring insouciant Bond lookalikes who
speed round S-bends and don't fuss much about moving their arms.
It would be more accurate to portray a wimp in tears, his arms flailing as he
falls apart at the seams about a minuscule scratch that a short-sighted
grandmother has inflicted on his pride and joy.
It's undoubtedly good news that car manufacturers are producing safer,
more reliable and stronger vehicles. However, the men who drive them are
becoming commensurately weaker, less reliable and emasculated.
"Men do seem to have a much stronger emotional attachment to their cars
than women," Joint says, "and it touches on their manhood because driving is
still seen very much as a male preserve. It's not as if women get emotional if
a vacuum cleaner breaks down.
"Today's men feel very safe and secure inside their vehicles. They regard
them as their sitting rooms on wheels and when something external impinges
on that cosy domestic environment, even if it's just a little shunt from behind,
that illusion is shattered and they become enraged.
"It gets to the point where if they actually have to get out of their vehicles,
they think, 'My God, I am outside my car. I must be really mad to do this'."
In other words, some men in top-of-the-range, 400bhp cars with anti-roll
bars, impact-absorbing bumpers and anti-crumple zones are simultaneously
as fragile as the little boy in the bubble - completely vulnerable to even the
slightest speck of dust or intrusion from the outside world.
In the end my driver was so inconsolably upset and angry that I was obliged
to put the minuscule Mercedes scratch in the hands of my insurance
company.
I'm now waiting to see if he claims that the knock caused him brain damage,
as surely as if I had hit him head-on at high speed. If so, I intend to
counter-claim that he was well and truly brain-damaged already.
------------------
Hmmm... Any of the above ring true?
Be warned. The man in possession of a top-drawer motor is likely to be an emotional retard, says Catherine Moye
IT'S not often I go down on my hands and knees for a man, especially not in
public, on a main road. But what was there was so small you had to have
your face pressed right into it in order to see it.
"It's just a scratch," I protested, looking up at him in supplication and
wonderment.
"Just a scratch!" he exclaimed, growing more irate. "Look, it's got a flared bit
on the end of it." He pointed out the flared bit.
I had just come to a halt in the back of his Mercedes, scratching its registration plate. He was pacing up and down, red-faced and fuming. I can't remember anyone that upset about a car since I crushed my brother's Tonka toy in the door of my rabbit hutch when I was seven. I feared he would burst into tears at any second and I reached into my pocket for a tissue.
Immediately I recognised he was suffering from a classic case of Mercophrenia and I made lots of consoling noises. I once had a boyfriend who suffered from a BMW behavioural disorder and I had become expert
at diagnosing the emotional car cripple's many symptoms:
1. Over-reacting to the slightest of marks on their vehicle.
2. Palpitations at the mere thought of wife or girlfriend sitting behind the
steering wheel.
3. An inability to park in a municipal car park or close to a housing estate for
fear of vandals.
4. A morbid preoccupation with shoe dirt on the carpeting.
5. A reluctance to remove protective plastic seat-covering.
6. A tendency to dig out gravel caught in the tread of tyres.
Most of us have at some time been on the receiving end of the madness
suffered by this unfortunate group of headcases. Similar conditions include
SchizoFerrari, Porschanoia and delusions of Granada. In some men their
pride and joy just brings out the worst monster inside them.
"It's a fact that some men get very emotional about their cars," says
psychologist Matthew Joint, head of behavioural analysis at the AA,
"because they associate them with territoriality, speed, power and even
bravado.
"Petrolheads, especially, choose to drive a certain car because they are
attracted to a particular image and want to take that image on board for
themselves. If the vehicle is damaged, even slightly, and loses its value, the
individual feels it lowers their value as well."
It is one of the supreme ironies that the majority of car manufacturers use
anti-nerd advertising strategies featuring insouciant Bond lookalikes who
speed round S-bends and don't fuss much about moving their arms.
It would be more accurate to portray a wimp in tears, his arms flailing as he
falls apart at the seams about a minuscule scratch that a short-sighted
grandmother has inflicted on his pride and joy.
It's undoubtedly good news that car manufacturers are producing safer,
more reliable and stronger vehicles. However, the men who drive them are
becoming commensurately weaker, less reliable and emasculated.
"Men do seem to have a much stronger emotional attachment to their cars
than women," Joint says, "and it touches on their manhood because driving is
still seen very much as a male preserve. It's not as if women get emotional if
a vacuum cleaner breaks down.
"Today's men feel very safe and secure inside their vehicles. They regard
them as their sitting rooms on wheels and when something external impinges
on that cosy domestic environment, even if it's just a little shunt from behind,
that illusion is shattered and they become enraged.
"It gets to the point where if they actually have to get out of their vehicles,
they think, 'My God, I am outside my car. I must be really mad to do this'."
In other words, some men in top-of-the-range, 400bhp cars with anti-roll
bars, impact-absorbing bumpers and anti-crumple zones are simultaneously
as fragile as the little boy in the bubble - completely vulnerable to even the
slightest speck of dust or intrusion from the outside world.
In the end my driver was so inconsolably upset and angry that I was obliged
to put the minuscule Mercedes scratch in the hands of my insurance
company.
I'm now waiting to see if he claims that the knock caused him brain damage,
as surely as if I had hit him head-on at high speed. If so, I intend to
counter-claim that he was well and truly brain-damaged already.
------------------
Hmmm... Any of the above ring true?
19 April 2000, 12:05 AM
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It's something about cars, you're not allowed to look after them according to some people. I mean, if someone spent £70,000 on a painting, they'd be justified in being livid if someone scratched it, but spend it on a car and it's just "life".
Also, where do you draw the line in such instances? Exactly how big is a scratch or dent supposed to be before it matters? Is she saying it's ok to damage a person's car as long as it's still driveable after the accident? How about it only counts if you shove them so hard at a zebra crossing that they run over anyone walking across the road at the time?
I think she was very silly to let it go to the Insurance company though.
"How did the scratch happen?"
"I failed to stop in time and drove into the back of a stationary vehicle"
"So let's start with 'Driving without due care and attention' then"
Still, with idiots like her around, I'm glad I have got impact-absorbing bumpers and crumple zones!!!
Also, where do you draw the line in such instances? Exactly how big is a scratch or dent supposed to be before it matters? Is she saying it's ok to damage a person's car as long as it's still driveable after the accident? How about it only counts if you shove them so hard at a zebra crossing that they run over anyone walking across the road at the time?
I think she was very silly to let it go to the Insurance company though.
"How did the scratch happen?"
"I failed to stop in time and drove into the back of a stationary vehicle"
"So let's start with 'Driving without due care and attention' then"
Still, with idiots like her around, I'm glad I have got impact-absorbing bumpers and crumple zones!!!
19 April 2000, 08:08 AM
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Think someone should reply asking her why if she's so bloody clever she hit him in the first place. 
Jees, some people have no respect for other peoples property.
Perhaps if she realised how much it would cost to "fix" his expensive motor at dealer rates she would appreciate his position
LOL
D
[This message has been edited by Diablo (edited 19-04-2000).]
Jees, some people have no respect for other peoples property.
Perhaps if she realised how much it would cost to "fix" his expensive motor at dealer rates she would appreciate his position
LOL
D
[This message has been edited by Diablo (edited 19-04-2000).]
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19 April 2000, 09:13 AM
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Having had three dents put in my drivers side doors in one day by people who can't open their own doors carefully I understand the frustration.
I'm not sure if people are simply jealous or careless. If I can manage to avoid damaging other peoples cars I think they can manage to do the same for me.....
Jason
I'm not sure if people are simply jealous or careless. If I can manage to avoid damaging other peoples cars I think they can manage to do the same for me.....
Jason
19 April 2000, 09:27 AM
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It amazes me the lengths a woman will go to and the advantages she will take of her position of power to 'Froth up' in such an orchestrated way, to attempt to side step her poor driving skills & lack of concentration.
Probably the most well constructed 'You were there and you have a nice car so it must be your fault' argument I have yet seen.
So she crashed into him................ SO WHAT. Why spoil a good story with the truth?
Mike.
Probably the most well constructed 'You were there and you have a nice car so it must be your fault' argument I have yet seen.
So she crashed into him................ SO WHAT. Why spoil a good story with the truth?
Mike.
19 April 2000, 10:00 AM
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I'm sure if you went into the women's house and tramped dog muck through the hall, whilst running a key down the wall she wouldn't be too pleased either.
But hey it's only a house!!!
But hey it's only a house!!!
19 April 2000, 01:57 PM
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I wonder if she need's corrective lenses whilst driving? She starts by implying that she needed to push her face right up to the scratch in order to see it... Maybe that explains her inability to stop the car short of the merc. If she was driving without required lenses, her insurance would possibly be invalidated.
The sad fact is that, although you do your best to treat others and their belongings as you would wish them to treat yours, many persons in out "society" simply don't feel any responsibility to do the same. If they damage another's car, their first reaction is to check for witnesses, and in the absence of these, they will just leave. I have had this happen to car's I have owned on a several occasions.
I suspect this Journalist may well have chosen the no witnesses therefore leave approach if she had the chance.
Moray
The sad fact is that, although you do your best to treat others and their belongings as you would wish them to treat yours, many persons in out "society" simply don't feel any responsibility to do the same. If they damage another's car, their first reaction is to check for witnesses, and in the absence of these, they will just leave. I have had this happen to car's I have owned on a several occasions.
I suspect this Journalist may well have chosen the no witnesses therefore leave approach if she had the chance.
Moray
20 April 2000, 02:53 PM
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Er, lads.
She scratched the *numberplate*.
How many of you have already bought replacement plates with nicer fonts? Or put a personal reg on the car? What's a numberplate to a Merc owner anyway.
Now, if the bloke's *front* number plate had been nuked by hitting a rabbit with no road sense, well, *that* would have been worth getting upset about.
As we Elise drivers know only too well.
;-)
She scratched the *numberplate*.
How many of you have already bought replacement plates with nicer fonts? Or put a personal reg on the car? What's a numberplate to a Merc owner anyway.
Now, if the bloke's *front* number plate had been nuked by hitting a rabbit with no road sense, well, *that* would have been worth getting upset about.
As we Elise drivers know only too well.
;-)
20 April 2000, 03:10 PM
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I think the point she is making is that some men go OTT over their cars. I am guilty. I cyce to work rather than get the car wet. I am paranoid about the car's security. I polished the car twice in one week when it hadnt been driven between polishes. She has got a point (about some of us).
20 April 2000, 03:20 PM
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Hmmm, maybe she does but if she lightly knocked into a pedestrian in her car that wouldn't have been quite so acceptable would it (Sheesh, it's only a broken pelvis...)? Men being over-protective about their cars is one thing but careless driving's another.
20 April 2000, 03:41 PM
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I have been through this in a similar way. I take pride in my alloy wheels being clean and unscratched, cleaning them regularly as , to me, clean alloys make the car stand out. Its the way it looks to me that matters, not what anyone else thinks. My wife was unable to understand why I was annoyed when she scraped the front and rear passenger side wheels! OK, they were only small scrapes but "I" knew they were there. Anyone see where Im coming from? 
Stupot
Stupot
21 April 2000, 06:53 AM
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Amended....
Be warned. The man in possession of a 5 year old child is likely to be an emotional retard, says Catherine Moye
IT'S not often I go down on my hands and knees for a man, especially not in
public, on a main road. But what was there was so small you had to have
your face pressed right into it in order to see it.
"It's just a fractured skull," I protested, looking up at him in supplication and
wonderment.
"Just a fractured skull!" he exclaimed, growing more irate. "Look, it's bleeding from the nose." He pointed out the flared bit.
I had just come to a halt taking his child over my bonnet. He was pacing up and down, red-faced and fuming waiting for the ambulance. I can't remember anyone that upset about a child since I crushed my brother's Tonka toy in the door of my rabbit hutch when I was seven. I feared he would burst into tears at any second and I reached into my pocket for a tissue.
Different slant huh...... didn't have to be a car she came to a halt in the back of.
Dave
Be warned. The man in possession of a 5 year old child is likely to be an emotional retard, says Catherine Moye
IT'S not often I go down on my hands and knees for a man, especially not in
public, on a main road. But what was there was so small you had to have
your face pressed right into it in order to see it.
"It's just a fractured skull," I protested, looking up at him in supplication and
wonderment.
"Just a fractured skull!" he exclaimed, growing more irate. "Look, it's bleeding from the nose." He pointed out the flared bit.
I had just come to a halt taking his child over my bonnet. He was pacing up and down, red-faced and fuming waiting for the ambulance. I can't remember anyone that upset about a child since I crushed my brother's Tonka toy in the door of my rabbit hutch when I was seven. I feared he would burst into tears at any second and I reached into my pocket for a tissue.
Different slant huh...... didn't have to be a car she came to a halt in the back of.
Dave
21 April 2000, 07:11 AM
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So annoyed I just sent the following to the Daily Telegraph by e-mail:I understand Catherines sentiment about 'boys and their toys' however by just changing a few words in her text a very different story emerges.
Be warned. The man in possession of a 5 year old child is likely to be an emotional retard, says Catherine Moye
IT'S not often I go down on my hands and knees for a man, especially not in
public, on a main road. But what was there was so small you had to have
your face pressed right into it in order to see it.
"It's just a fractured skull," I protested, looking up at him in supplication and
wonderment.
"Just a fractured skull!" he exclaimed, growing more irate. "Look, it's bleeding from the nose." He pointed out the blood.
I had just come to a halt taking his child over my bonnet. He was pacing up and down, red-faced and fuming waiting for the ambulance. I can't remember anyone that upset about a child since I crushed my brother's Tonka toy in the door of my rabbit hutch when I was seven. I feared he would burst into tears at any second and I reached into my pocket for a tissue.
Careless driving is careless driving however you like to dress it up. And quite often the anger you feel when you are a victim of careless driving is the fear of what could have been and not of what has been.
At the end of the day, careless driving costs lives.
Be warned. The man in possession of a 5 year old child is likely to be an emotional retard, says Catherine Moye
IT'S not often I go down on my hands and knees for a man, especially not in
public, on a main road. But what was there was so small you had to have
your face pressed right into it in order to see it.
"It's just a fractured skull," I protested, looking up at him in supplication and
wonderment.
"Just a fractured skull!" he exclaimed, growing more irate. "Look, it's bleeding from the nose." He pointed out the blood.
I had just come to a halt taking his child over my bonnet. He was pacing up and down, red-faced and fuming waiting for the ambulance. I can't remember anyone that upset about a child since I crushed my brother's Tonka toy in the door of my rabbit hutch when I was seven. I feared he would burst into tears at any second and I reached into my pocket for a tissue.
Careless driving is careless driving however you like to dress it up. And quite often the anger you feel when you are a victim of careless driving is the fear of what could have been and not of what has been.
At the end of the day, careless driving costs lives.