tarmac terror

iTrader: (2)

I was thinking this evening on my way home from work (I know I should have been concentrating on driving) that it has been a while since I made any new friends.

I think the main reasons for this are since getting married and having kids, most of my time is spent with my wife and kids. I have worked with the same colleagues for almost 10 years, but typically find when anyone leaves they are not replaced, and over time contact dwindles.

Many of my friends have moved overseas mainly US and Oz, and return to visit family once or twice a year.

Is this relatively normal as time passes? I have always held a theory that circles of friends change around every 7 years, but as the current rate of losing contact with friends out-weighs the rate at which I meet new people and form friendships with them, will I end-up like Billy no mates!!

CREWJ

Seems like that with most of the older generation I know.

Can't say I know first hand though.

tony de wonderful

I try and keep in touch with my old school friends from my area. There is a small group of us who keep touch. Most are married w/ kids now so I don't see them loads but every few weeks.

I've not been married, but from what I can see guys who exclude everyone from their life except their wife and kids often end up miserable and bitter.

dpb

Friendships a whole lot of work, I tink that's the problem

f1_fan

iTrader: (9)

You've managed it without a wife and kids... well done

Jamz3k

Having come out of a very long term relationship last year I realised that I lost most my friends over time and never bothered to replace them as I was content in my situation. Trouble is I generally only socialise when drinking and I'm a terrible drunk. Secondly I'm in a customer facing job and it makes me hate everything.

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

That is sort of me.

I think because I am around so many people, so much of the time, I am quite happy to have a bit peace once I leave work. It's actually nice to have some time when I don't have to put a face on for people and I can just relax.

That's not to say I never see friends, but quite a few of my friends are from work and they are pretty much the same, so we understand each other.

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

I met some of the best people working in a shop! the staff not the customers

Turbohot

Friends do thin with age. Not their size, I mean in number. Migration, marriages and other reasons scatter people all over the world, and all you have is memories. When you do ever meet a friend from old times, and they look like their own mother or father, you say- 'Gosh! You've changed!'. You forget to look at yourself that you also look like your grandparent now.

I met a friend from sports after a good few years. He used to be quite handsome and cocky when he was young. Now he has a beer belly, he looks terribly stressed with his thriving business, kids and wife. Still a good soul, though. A woman mate from school now acts pretentious and upper-class. She deffo has changed, even in soul department.

You do make new friends when you get older, but genuine friendships are rare. I have some good people that I genuinely call friends. Rest are just good timer acquaintances. I have time for both, when I can manage. Both have their place. But I have common grounds and trust for my 'friends' whereas my good timer chit-chatting peeps are as important to me as I am to them. 'Friends' is a rare commodity, and a highly respectable word- not to be given out like hot cakes IMO.

Graz

Yeah not unusual I'd say. For me the groups of friends I have has changed over the years, obviously there were school and sixth form mates, one of those I still hear from from time to time and I'm friends with a few more on Facebook.

Once I got to Uni I made a whole new group of mates, it was scary just arriving and knowing nobody at the ripe old age of 18 but that soon changed. I was really lucky in that the hall of residence I was in was very friendly, I made some great mates and we used to met up annually but that has tailed off.....

Then there's work mates, got a few of them from years gone by but we do all now have families so once again things have tailed off a bit. Even my best mate from work who I was Best Man for don't really see him from one year to the next but when we do meet up it's like nothing has changed as far as our friendship has concerned and that is how it should be.

Now days it's mostly the wife's friends that we see from time to time Luckily she had a falling out with the ones we used to see regularly (i.e. every few weeks) and I was glad as it was very much a one sided relationship as her mate was pretty needy.

I do need to make the effort to see my best friends some time soon. As has been mentioned it's difficult, we all have kids, I've been spending a lot of my spare time fixing up our house so weekends are pretty precious.

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Oldun

I tried keeping in touch with old friends via FB. I closed my FB account because I was fed up with pictures of meals and children appearing every day, tried making proper conversation with them but they had forgotten the art of conversation except to tell everyone that they'd just woken up, just been to the bog, just done this, just done that.
I am far from miserable and love a good chat, but regurgitating the same old same old wasn't for me. They all have my email address if they really do have anything to talk about. Only 2 have bothered and we do have good a good raport going.
Local friends have all died off unfortunately, it's just a fact of life when you get older.
Plus they all worked at the chemical factory across the river.

Turbohot

One of my bestest friends pm-ed me on Facebook after 25 years of not seeing him! He was from sports as well, and like my brother. He now owns a law firm. He has a beautiful wife and 2 kids. It was great to re-kindle the contact with him, and to know that he's doing well.

Facebook does have its place. It's the people who get too embroiled in it seem to get bitten and twisted about it. Not my cup of tea, but it is pleasant to get hunted by the people you feel strongly about. I don't mean stalkers.

f1_fan

iTrader: (9)

I have never had a Facebook account and never will. It seems to suck what little ability for conversation most people have right out of them and turns them into retards. As you say pics of their f**king kids and whatever they are eating that day.... wow! Is life really that dull? No thankfully!

It is also a crap piece of software which adds insult to injury for me!!!

jonc

Social networks have made people lose the art of conversation, people are more used to sound bites and short quips. I've lost the count the times when talking to people they stop to check their phone to update FB or some other network, it’s a conversation killer. Some people are more concerned with racking up a high friend count or twitter following and are substituting physical friends with virtual ones. One young guy I know has hundreds of "friends" on FB, but I very much doubt he actually sees them or really know them well enough to be classed as "friends" but spends a significant amount of energy nurturing these friends.

And dare I say it, even internet forums are also partly to blame. Take for instance, this forum. I’ve been on here on and off’ish and I have to say I am familiar with few who regularly post here, I don’t know them physically but I know their “persona”; their political standing, who has kids, what work they do, who are affluent and who are not so, their religious beliefs, their humour, general age etc etc,. People here share their jokes, share their life’s ups and downs, their frustrations, have arguments, praise each other, and perhaps share things that you might not otherwise share etc etc as you would with physical friends.

NSR is generally the only internet forum I post on, rarely do I post on any other forum. NSR to me is like a 24 hour virtual pub where I bump into some of the regulars and not so regulars to have a chat and a banter and if things get a bit too much, you have the flexibility to just log off. Posting somewhere else is like going to the pub on your own. Is all this substituting physical friends for virtual ones? Perhaps. But on balance, I also have a circle of friends to keep me in the real world too.

Ellie*

Friendships aren't important to me. I've had them in the past and they've all been a let down. I prefer to keep to myself now.

I have a handful of people who I'd call a friend, but they have their time and place and I keep at a distance most of the time. The closest friends are neighbours and well have drinks or dinner every month or so, or perhaps even go camping or hiking somewhere.
There's a couple that I meet for coffee now and again, and there is the owners of the horses I ride a look after. We have to keep in close contact for the horses, and go out riding together etc, but I keep my personal life fairly private.

Leslie

I am glad that I have managed to maintain my early friendships, but as usual you lose a good few when you leave the Services.

Les

tubbytommy

iTrader: (20)

Man up and get out and meet people.
and as for forums being to blame thats rubbish.
ive met a few great guys on here who i meet at subaru events around the country for a few beers and a p1ss take.

LSherratt

iTrader: (1)

People actually want to meet up with you Tubby?

Graz

Only losers off of car forums whose idea of fun is to stand around in a pub car park, drinking half a shandy, whilst looking cars with their bonnets up and discussing which octane booster is best

windyboy

As you get older how you meet new friends changes, at school you could have lots of friends as you are in a class of 20 - 30 people and meet 100's more people every day, as you progress through school to uni the classes get smaller, when you go to work there are less people to interact with and get friendly with. As said above people move on for one reason or another and are not always replaced by another friend, nowadays I hardly see any of my friends as family takes up most of my time so have lost touch with most of them too.

Tarmac Terror, I'll still be your friend if you let me drive your Porsche now and again

ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

I can count my friends on the fingers of one hand, and to be perfectly honest, that's the way I like it.

Far too many needy people in the world, for me friendship is a two way street, over the years i've learnt to separate the wheat from the chaff and it's very difficult to find people that see the world and life in general the same way I do.

Most people are more of a pain in the **** than the small amount of pleasure I derive from their company on the odd occasion.

I'm at peace with myself and generally prefer either my own company or that of a VERY select few.

I'm just a grumpy sod and can't be arsed with pandering to peoples needs, I spent 26 yrs in the service sector dealing with people and pandering to their needs and i'm fcuked if i'm going to do it in my personal life.

Jamie

I see my friend every five years no matter where he is we meet and have a good laugh.

Jamie

Jamie

Who and where?

tubbytommy

iTrader: (20)

ten of the best this weekend

dpb

Presumably he means beer, not sure though

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Like I've said, I'm pretty much like that now, **** knows what I'll be like in another 12 years time.

DYK

Think its normal,when i grew up with my mates we were always out together,biking,canoeing,mountain climbing,camping out,going into town.Then a house and wife,kids come along,and it all stops.

Emmaroids

iTrader: (2)

I work with the public too but seem to be the opposite of some you that do, i often get a right rollicking at work because of chatting to customers for too long (its customer service is my reply!) I really enjoy meeting new people and talking to them. Forums don't kill conversation at all, some of my close friends are from a previous car forum i used to be on and see them regularly, i have one friend from school i still keep in touch with. As the saying goes, you can pick you friends but not your family