Love - what does it mean to you?
19 August 2012, 12:11 PM
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Love - what does it mean to you?
Interesting discussion down the pub the other day, following attending a wedding. The question was put out there: what do you regard as love and how do you know when you've found the right person to settle down with? Opinions ranged from: "You just know when you've met the right person as you wouldn't want to be without them, so you settle down with the person you feel like you couldn't be without" to "No such thing as love as in the way it's portrayed in the films - Adult relationships are just friendship + sex", thus you settle down with the person you get on with and have decent sex with." Are the two ideas so different? Does it amount to the same thing in real terms, but is embellished cognitively by those who need to 'believe in the fairytale'? Sorry, that sounds really condescending, but you know what I'm getting at! 
So, what do you make of this whole love thing?
For those of you already settled down: what made you decide to do so?
For those yet to settle down: do you believe in the more romantic notion of love, or are you just looking for something more akin to a companion that you also want physically?
Will be interesting to see some views on this.
Ns04
So, what do you make of this whole love thing?
For those of you already settled down: what made you decide to do so?
For those yet to settle down: do you believe in the more romantic notion of love, or are you just looking for something more akin to a companion that you also want physically?
Will be interesting to see some views on this.
Ns04
Last edited by New_scooby_04; 19 August 2012 at 12:13 PM.
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19 August 2012, 02:21 PM
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Love is a form of super insanity. The whole thing is a fairy tale IMO. Yet its a fantastic feeling to fall in love. Deep down in some wonderland......... like an Alice........<thud>! 
Everyone should fall in love or you'd regret. You may also regret falling in love too, as the lovers take too much time of your life, or they may mess with your head, or they may break your plastic heart.
However, love gives a sense of security and grounding to people, no matter how insane this phenomenon is. It is vital to fall in love with someone equally responsive to your love for them.
Everyone should fall in love or you'd regret. You may also regret falling in love too, as the lovers take too much time of your life, or they may mess with your head, or they may break your plastic heart.
However, love gives a sense of security and grounding to people, no matter how insane this phenomenon is. It is vital to fall in love with someone equally responsive to your love for them.
19 August 2012, 02:29 PM
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Love is a form of super insanity. The whole thing is a fairy tale IMO. Yet its a fantastic feeling to fall in love. Deep down in some wonderland......... like an Alice........<thud>!
Everyone should fall in love or you'd regret. You may also regret falling in love too, as the lovers take too much time of your life, or they may mess with your head, or they may break your plastic heart. However, love gives a sense of security and grounding to people, no matter how insane this phenomenon is. It is vital to fall in love with someone equally responsive to your love for them.
Everyone should fall in love or you'd regret. You may also regret falling in love too, as the lovers take too much time of your life, or they may mess with your head, or they may break your plastic heart.
However, love gives a sense of security and grounding to people, no matter how insane this phenomenon is. It is vital to fall in love with someone equally responsive to your love for them.
before a certain age, but you are seeing someone who you're fond of and who you click with on a physical level.Do you abandon to chase the delusion, or are you grateful for what you have? I rather suspect that this is the scenario that a lot of people face. It's kinda like the 'grass is always greener syndrome'
I think some would argue that if you even entertain that thought then the person you're with isn't right for you, BUT is that really a tenable position? Anyone prepared to admit settling down with someone they weren't head over heals with because either 1) they didn't believe the fairytale notion/think it would happen for them 2) Just made a rational decision i.e. I like em, it's a good relationship; why rock the boat?
Last edited by New_scooby_04; 19 August 2012 at 02:32 PM.
19 August 2012, 02:39 PM
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Love is a form of super insanity. The whole thing is a fairy tale IMO. Yet its a fantastic feeling to fall in love. Deep down in some wonderland......... like an Alice........<thud>!
Everyone should fall in love or you'd regret. You may also regret falling in love too, as the lovers take too much time of your life, or they may mess with your head, or they may break your plastic heart. However, love gives a sense of security and grounding to people, no matter how insane this phenomenon is. It is vital to fall in love with someone equally responsive to your love for them.
Everyone should fall in love or you'd regret. You may also regret falling in love too, as the lovers take too much time of your life, or they may mess with your head, or they may break your plastic heart.
However, love gives a sense of security and grounding to people, no matter how insane this phenomenon is. It is vital to fall in love with someone equally responsive to your love for them.
19 August 2012, 02:45 PM
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I always thought it was abouve wanting to be with one particular person sharing all the good and bad times together and getting to shove it in her holes when you want...but then again maybe it is just about sex....
19 August 2012, 02:59 PM
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19 August 2012, 03:21 PM
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Women just want to sell their ***** to the highest bidder.
And Men are always looking for a bargain.
Attraction in males is the same as your "first time buyer" excitement.
While Attraction in females, is a sense of a beneficial trade.
Relationship is therefore an exchange of expectations.
And love is when both parties are happy with the deal they got.
And Men are always looking for a bargain.
Attraction in males is the same as your "first time buyer" excitement.
While Attraction in females, is a sense of a beneficial trade.
Relationship is therefore an exchange of expectations.
And love is when both parties are happy with the deal they got.
19 August 2012, 03:21 PM
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There is the old saying: "people are like carpets, lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them!"
Has anyone on here stayed with someone who was great in every respect but in the sack?
Conversely..
Has anyone walked away from a relationship where the nookie was great but felt they were missing something else?
19 August 2012, 03:27 PM
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Women just want to sell their ***** to the highest bidder.
And Men are always looking for a bargain.
Attraction in males is the same as your "first time buyer" excitement.
While Attraction in females, is a sense of a beneficial trade.
Relationship is therefore an exchange of expectations.
And love is when both parties are happy with the deal they got.
And Men are always looking for a bargain.
Attraction in males is the same as your "first time buyer" excitement.
While Attraction in females, is a sense of a beneficial trade.
Relationship is therefore an exchange of expectations.
And love is when both parties are happy with the deal they got.
Happiness is transient though isn't it? Novelty is definitely - hence why people who value that just have to move on. However, a good deal is relative: what seems like a great deal in the short term can quickly turn into a bad deal down the road. If we're talking trade, then commodities have different values depending on context. A person who is drowning won't be interested in buying water in the same way that a person who isn't going without nookie might not be tempted by its offer. They might, however, appreciate a life raft ....e.g. someone more supportive in their lives.
Maybe we're all just looking for the best deal given the prevailing circumstances and need to accept that our needs, and therefore, our partner preferences are in flux ....or should that be f*cked!
Last edited by New_scooby_04; 19 August 2012 at 03:31 PM.
19 August 2012, 03:36 PM
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Without wanting to be too reductionist - maybe that is of primary importance when you're still young/relatively young. How many people do you know who've stayed with ostensibly unsuitable people because they fancy them or just love the nookie!
There is the old saying: "people are like carpets, lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them!"
Has anyone on here stayed with someone who was great in every respect but in the sack?
Conversely..
Has anyone walked away from a relationship where the nookie was great but felt they were missing something else?
There is the old saying: "people are like carpets, lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them!"
Has anyone on here stayed with someone who was great in every respect but in the sack?
Conversely..
Has anyone walked away from a relationship where the nookie was great but felt they were missing something else?
19 August 2012, 03:40 PM
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Love the cynicism in that!
Happiness is transient though isn't it? Novelty is definitely - hence why people who value that just have to move on. However, a good deal is relative: what seems like a great deal in the short term can quickly turn into a bad deal down the road. If we're talking trade, then commodities have different values depending on context. A person who is drowning won't be interested in buying water in the same way that a person who isn't going without nookie might not be tempted by its offer. They might, however, appreciate a life raft ....e.g. someone more supportive in their lives.
Maybe we're all just looking for the best deal given the prevailing circumstances and need to accept that our needs, and therefore, our partner preferences are in flux ....or should that be f*cked!
Happiness is transient though isn't it? Novelty is definitely - hence why people who value that just have to move on. However, a good deal is relative: what seems like a great deal in the short term can quickly turn into a bad deal down the road. If we're talking trade, then commodities have different values depending on context. A person who is drowning won't be interested in buying water in the same way that a person who isn't going without nookie might not be tempted by its offer. They might, however, appreciate a life raft ....e.g. someone more supportive in their lives.
Maybe we're all just looking for the best deal given the prevailing circumstances and need to accept that our needs, and therefore, our partner preferences are in flux ....or should that be f*cked!
19 August 2012, 04:41 PM
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Maybe I'm just cynical
19 August 2012, 06:07 PM
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19 August 2012, 08:59 PM
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love to me is setting yourself up for the ultimate pain and suffering as 9 times out of ten once the b1tch knows she has you where she wants you they either do the dirty on you or take you for everything you,ve got........or both usually 
19 August 2012, 09:06 PM
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Nah, we are all entitled to our opinions, Sir.
I don’t think it’s right to go around chasing delusions while you are with someone, anyway. You should be happy with what you have; unless you are terribly unhappy, of course. Then chasing is inevitable, I understand.
Just being fond of someone isn’t enough to love them, and/or have a relationship with them. One can be fond of many people, but it doesn't mean one would like to surrender to them in bed, and/or care for them in the same way you would care for someone you love. For love, there has to be a spark, and that spark is not delusion. It is that special click; more special than merely the physical one. Love isn't just a deal. Infatuation is wrongly spoken about as that spark, which is not true. It’s the gelling, the chemistry, the glint in each other’s eyes and the rest of it that feels right. Then your lover is your best friend, your only sex partner, your companion, and your soul mate.
Just because you end up developing a relationship with someone for your fondness and satisfactory physical relationship, it doesn’t mean you love them. Such love without spark is like a rose without sweet smell, or a river without water.
For some on in long-term relationships, delusion wears off, and what is left is the harsh reality to deal with. Then it does become a rational decision to stay with people as you are still very fond of them, and sex-wise, you both are familiar to each other; even when its not 3 time a week- jut once a month. Some people genuinely continue to love their partners no matter what, as they continue to remind themselves of that spark, and trust that it still exists. Some people in that situation think- "I’m attached to him/her, it’s a good relationship; so let's not rock the boat”. You are right on the "green grass syndrome". But then again, there are some whose grass has realistically dried out. It’s just that they can't get out; due to practical or social reasons, or due to their own weakness of getting emotionally attached to the person they do not feel the same any more for; due to whatever reason.
When we talk love, love is love; the emotion that has a power to either race or stop your heart for a second. In my opinion, relationship and love are two different things. Both can be with the same person, of course! That’s if there’s that spark.
Ok, but let's say you don't meet someone where the delusion is mutual before a certain age, but you are seeing someone who you're fond of and who you click with on a physical level.
Do you abandon to chase the delusion, or are you grateful for what you have? I rather suspect that this is the scenario that a lot of people face. It's kinda like the 'grass is always greener syndrome'
I think some would argue that if you even entertain that thought then the person you're with isn't right for you, BUT is that really a tenable position? Anyone prepared to admit settling down with someone they weren't head over heals with because either 1) they didn't believe the fairytale notion/think it would happen for them 2) Just made a rational decision i.e. I like em, it's a good relationship; why rock the boat?
before a certain age, but you are seeing someone who you're fond of and who you click with on a physical level.Do you abandon to chase the delusion, or are you grateful for what you have? I rather suspect that this is the scenario that a lot of people face. It's kinda like the 'grass is always greener syndrome'
I think some would argue that if you even entertain that thought then the person you're with isn't right for you, BUT is that really a tenable position? Anyone prepared to admit settling down with someone they weren't head over heals with because either 1) they didn't believe the fairytale notion/think it would happen for them 2) Just made a rational decision i.e. I like em, it's a good relationship; why rock the boat?
You should be happy with what you have; unless you are terribly unhappy, of course. Then chasing is inevitable, I understand.Just being fond of someone isn’t enough to love them, and/or have a relationship with them. One can be fond of many people, but it doesn't mean one would like to surrender to them in bed, and/or care for them in the same way you would care for someone you love. For love, there has to be a spark, and that spark is not delusion. It is that special click; more special than merely the physical one. Love isn't just a deal. Infatuation is wrongly spoken about as that spark, which is not true. It’s the gelling, the chemistry, the glint in each other’s eyes and the rest of it that feels right. Then your lover is your best friend, your only sex partner, your companion, and your soul mate.
Just because you end up developing a relationship with someone for your fondness and satisfactory physical relationship, it doesn’t mean you love them. Such love without spark is like a rose without sweet smell, or a river without water.
For some on in long-term relationships, delusion wears off, and what is left is the harsh reality to deal with. Then it does become a rational decision to stay with people as you are still very fond of them, and sex-wise, you both are familiar to each other; even when its not 3 time a week- jut once a month.
Some people genuinely continue to love their partners no matter what, as they continue to remind themselves of that spark, and trust that it still exists. Some people in that situation think- "I’m attached to him/her, it’s a good relationship; so let's not rock the boat”. You are right on the "green grass syndrome". But then again, there are some whose grass has realistically dried out. It’s just that they can't get out; due to practical or social reasons, or due to their own weakness of getting emotionally attached to the person they do not feel the same any more for; due to whatever reason. When we talk love, love is love; the emotion that has a power to either race or stop your heart for a second. In my opinion, relationship and love are two different things. Both can be with the same person, of course! That’s if there’s that spark.
19 August 2012, 09:34 PM
#26
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What is love,its an attraction between two people,love is a word,but what you feel is true,it can make you feel alive or it can shatter your heart and make you want to die..
It is an attraction to someone,usually of the opposite sex.when i fell in love it was like i would do anything for that person it was someone i wanted to take care of.I don't know what the attraction was,but we were just great together,it was like i cared for that person more than anyone or anything else,it was a feeling towards that person,something from within me and she felt it too..
I think love is a mystery just like life is a mystery,its a word that can't explain how you feel towards a certain person,and why you feel that way....
more drink
It is an attraction to someone,usually of the opposite sex.when i fell in love it was like i would do anything for that person it was someone i wanted to take care of.I don't know what the attraction was,but we were just great together,it was like i cared for that person more than anyone or anything else,it was a feeling towards that person,something from within me and she felt it too..
I think love is a mystery just like life is a mystery,its a word that can't explain how you feel towards a certain person,and why you feel that way....
more drink
19 August 2012, 09:35 PM
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Nah, we are all entitled to our opinions, Sir.
I don’t think it’s right to go around chasing delusions while you are with someone, anyway. You should be happy with what you have; unless you are terribly unhappy, of course. Then chasing is inevitable, I understand.
Just being fond of someone isn’t enough to love them, and/or have a relationship with them. One can be fond of many people, but it doesn't mean one would like to surrender to them in bed, and/or care for them in the same way you would care for someone you love. For love, there has to be a spark, and that spark is not delusion. It is that special click; more special than merely the physical one. Love isn't just a deal. Infatuation is wrongly spoken about as that spark, which is not true. It’s the gelling, the chemistry, the glint in each other’s eyes and the rest of it that feels right. Then your lover is your best friend, your only sex partner, your companion, and your soul mate.
Just because you end up developing a relationship with someone for your fondness and satisfactory physical relationship, it doesn’t mean you love them. Such love without spark is like a rose without sweet smell, or a river without water.
For some on in long-term relationships, delusion wears off, and what is left is the harsh reality to deal with. Then it does become a rational decision to stay with people as you are still very fond of them, and sex-wise, you both are familiar to each other; even when its not 3 time a week- jut once a month. Some people genuinely continue to love their partners no matter what, as they continue to remind themselves of that spark, and trust that it still exists. Some people in that situation think- "I’m attached to him/her, it’s a good relationship; so let's not rock the boat”. You are right on the "green grass syndrome". But then again, there are some whose grass has realistically dried out. It’s just that they can't get out; due to practical or social reasons, or due to their own weakness of getting emotionally attached to the person they do not feel the same any more for; due to whatever reason.
When we talk love, love is love; the emotion that has a power to either race or stop your heart for a second. In my opinion, relationship and love are two different things. Both can be with the same person, of course! That’s if there’s that spark.
I don’t think it’s right to go around chasing delusions while you are with someone, anyway.
You should be happy with what you have; unless you are terribly unhappy, of course. Then chasing is inevitable, I understand.Just being fond of someone isn’t enough to love them, and/or have a relationship with them. One can be fond of many people, but it doesn't mean one would like to surrender to them in bed, and/or care for them in the same way you would care for someone you love. For love, there has to be a spark, and that spark is not delusion. It is that special click; more special than merely the physical one. Love isn't just a deal. Infatuation is wrongly spoken about as that spark, which is not true. It’s the gelling, the chemistry, the glint in each other’s eyes and the rest of it that feels right. Then your lover is your best friend, your only sex partner, your companion, and your soul mate.
Just because you end up developing a relationship with someone for your fondness and satisfactory physical relationship, it doesn’t mean you love them. Such love without spark is like a rose without sweet smell, or a river without water.
For some on in long-term relationships, delusion wears off, and what is left is the harsh reality to deal with. Then it does become a rational decision to stay with people as you are still very fond of them, and sex-wise, you both are familiar to each other; even when its not 3 time a week- jut once a month.
Some people genuinely continue to love their partners no matter what, as they continue to remind themselves of that spark, and trust that it still exists. Some people in that situation think- "I’m attached to him/her, it’s a good relationship; so let's not rock the boat”. You are right on the "green grass syndrome". But then again, there are some whose grass has realistically dried out. It’s just that they can't get out; due to practical or social reasons, or due to their own weakness of getting emotionally attached to the person they do not feel the same any more for; due to whatever reason. When we talk love, love is love; the emotion that has a power to either race or stop your heart for a second. In my opinion, relationship and love are two different things. Both can be with the same person, of course! That’s if there’s that spark.
you're dumped love...
19 August 2012, 09:46 PM
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For me, it was knowing that the thought of waking up in the morning without my husband by my side was just awful. I cannot imagine my future without him by my side to share it.
I know I don't come first in his mind-his daughter (from first marriage) does....but that's how it should be and he knows that as far as I am concerned, if it came between a choice of him or my step-daughter, she would come first. That's just the way it is. BUT he is my everything-he is the person I want to share every piece of news with for the first time, the person I want beside me through good times and bad and the only person I want to wake up next to in the morning.
How do I know he loves me?! He loves me in spite of all of my many faults and is there for me whenever I need him.
Life isn't a bed of roses-it's a bloody hard slog. But I know that there is no other person I would want beside me to help guide me through than my hubby!!
Soppiness over :-)
I know I don't come first in his mind-his daughter (from first marriage) does....but that's how it should be and he knows that as far as I am concerned, if it came between a choice of him or my step-daughter, she would come first. That's just the way it is. BUT he is my everything-he is the person I want to share every piece of news with for the first time, the person I want beside me through good times and bad and the only person I want to wake up next to in the morning.
How do I know he loves me?! He loves me in spite of all of my many faults and is there for me whenever I need him.
Life isn't a bed of roses-it's a bloody hard slog. But I know that there is no other person I would want beside me to help guide me through than my hubby!!
Soppiness over :-)
19 August 2012, 09:50 PM
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For me, it was knowing that the thought of waking up in the morning without my husband by my side was just awful. I cannot imagine my future without him by my side to share it.
I know I don't come first in his mind-his daughter (from first marriage) does....but that's how it should be and he knows that as far as I am concerned, if it came between a choice of him or my step-daughter, she would come first. That's just the way it is. BUT he is my everything-he is the person I want to share every piece of news with for the first time, the person I want beside me through good times and bad and the only person I want to wake up next to in the morning.
How do I know he loves me?! He loves me in spite of all of my many faults and is there for me whenever I need him.
Life isn't a bed of roses-it's a bloody hard slog. But I know that there is no other person I would want beside me to help guide me through than my hubby!!
Soppiness over :-)
I know I don't come first in his mind-his daughter (from first marriage) does....but that's how it should be and he knows that as far as I am concerned, if it came between a choice of him or my step-daughter, she would come first. That's just the way it is. BUT he is my everything-he is the person I want to share every piece of news with for the first time, the person I want beside me through good times and bad and the only person I want to wake up next to in the morning.
How do I know he loves me?! He loves me in spite of all of my many faults and is there for me whenever I need him.
Life isn't a bed of roses-it's a bloody hard slog. But I know that there is no other person I would want beside me to help guide me through than my hubby!!
Soppiness over :-)