JPL

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I was in the pub on Saturday night. I noticed two large girls by the bar.
They both had strong accents, so I said, "Hi, are you two girls from Scotland?"
One of them shouted back, "It's WALES you idiot!"
I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"



I've found this G-spot thing the missus is always harping on about.

Her sister had it all along!



I was watching a film with my son, he said "is that lady going to die? I'm scared"

I replied "probably son judging by the size of that horses ****!"



I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what… Never again!



I was playing chess with my friend and he said ‘Let’s make this more interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.



The Beastie Boys are launching a new five-part book, documenting their rise to stardom.

Parts A to D will be freely available in the shops for general purchase but, consistent with their band's ethos, you'll have to fight for your right to Part E.

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

Love them

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

A bloke just yelled at me for tweeting and driving. I told him to get off my ****ing bonnet and mind his own business.